Spotting a manipulator or narcissist is difficult. They are often the most charming and charismatic individuals who sweep us off our feet and into the clouds.
Everything seems like a dreamy fairy tale until reality hits you hard in the middle of the forehead.
Through subtle coercion and seduction, these manipulators and narcissists have a talent for leaving you questioning your sanity and not even trusting yourself.
I was there. Being young and naive and believing that everyone had the same optimistic intentions as me, I allowed people to fool me with grand gestures and bold statements…
This quickly turned into rotten ash.
So trust me when I say that recognizing the warning signs (7 of which are listed below) early can save you a world of emotional turmoil.
So how do you spot one?
Let’s begin and pull back the curtain of the manipulators to reveal their camouflage:
1) They constantly play the victim
In the world of manipulation, playing the victim is a common tactic. It’s a subtle but incredibly effective way to shift blame and control.
Now think of a poor, helpless cat. Or a puppy. He’s outside in the rain, deserted and wet. Doesn’t it tug at your heartstrings? Don’t you move heaven and earth to make sure he has a warm home and a cozy blanket?
A manipulator is someone who can shape-shift, and regularly takes on the disguise of this sad little animal (or whatever it knows best that arouses your pity).
Now, we all have moments of self-pity, where we too want to be cozy and milked.
But when you’re dealing with a manipulator or narcissist, this behavior becomes a pattern.
They often portray themselves as the innocent party in every conflict or disagreement. No matter the situation, they are always the ones who are wronged, misunderstood, or treated unfairly.
The goal here is to manipulate your empathy and guilt. By always being the victim, they make you feel like you are the aggressor. They turn the tables so that you are always on the defensive, always trying to compensate.
It’s a sneaky move that can leave you feeling confused and guilty about things you didn’t even do.
And if this is true for someone in your life, it’s a big red flag that you may be dealing with a manipulator or narcissist.
2) They highlight you
You’ve probably heard the term gaslighting (aside from that, check out the most common tactics to look for here.)
This manipulative tactic has gained a fair amount of attention in recent years, and for good reason, too. It is a psychological term for manipulation of current that is as destructive as it is subtle.
It usually follows a somewhat similar formula, where the manipulator or narcissist wins you over through tricks and charm.
Then they pull the rug from under your feet. They challenge your perception of reality by denying facts, dismissing your memories, and distorting the truth until you begin to doubt your sanity.
Let’s say that pretty girl you’ve been dating for two years starts saying harsh things, like;
“I never said that, you must be out of your mind.”
“Stupid! I always come home late on Thursdays. How is your memory so bad?”
“Jesus, you’re so sensitive. Someone woke up on the wrong side of the bed this morning, huh?”
For example, they may say something hurtful, and when you confront them about it, they will deny it ever happened.
Or they’ll make you think you’re overreacting, overly sensitive, or misremembering events.
So watch out for jokes that go too far, and stick to your guns if you know you have the truth in your hands.
3) They are always right
We like to be right, but even the best of us eventually compromise and accept when we lose.
Note *best. And that doesn’t include gaslighters or manipulators, who will pretty much die for anything they say – even if it’s clearly wrong.
No matter the situation, no matter the evidence, they always insist they are right. And you’re stupid/stupid/boring/mean because you don’t just roll over and let them win.
Given their inflated sense of rightness, it is as if they live in a world where they can do no wrong.
They will argue tirelessly, distort facts, and even resort to personal attacks just to avoid admitting they are wrong or wrong.
So, if you find yourself feeling this way regularly with someone, it’s a clear sign of their manipulative or narcissistic tendencies.
4) They are very arrogant and conceited
Maybe not at first, but eventually the cover will break.
Narcissists and manipulators often display a unique sense of entitlement. They consider themselves superior, almost God-like, deserving of special treatment, and consider their needs to be more important than others.
You may notice this greatness in several ways:
They will direct every conversation to themselves
They exaggerate or lie about their accomplishments and talents
They need constant praise, flattery and attention
They ignore the feelings and needs of others, even after they promise to help.
Being in the presence of someone with such an inflated self-perception can make you feel unimportant, undervalued, and ignored, and thus it is important to recognize when someone is living in a false reality where they are sovereign.
5) They lack empathy
Empathy is a basic human quality, the ability to understand and share the feelings of others. It is the state of feeling what someone else feels, as if the feelings were your own.
It is this empathy that allows us to connect, comfort and support each other.
So perhaps it is not surprising that narcissists and manipulators often lack this crucial trait.
Often, they are unable to feel others or understand their feelings. Instead, they focus too much on getting their own way and prioritizing their emotions.
This lack of empathy is not only hurtful, but it also creates a one-sided relationship.
You may find yourself constantly meeting their needs without receiving any emotional support in return.
6) They use use use (but never give)
Manipulators and narcissists are known to exploit others to achieve their own goals. As mentioned above, they have little compassion for charity or helping those around them.
Help out?! how boring! What do I get out of it?
However, they seem to have no problem using people as a means to get what they want, without any regard for their feelings or well-being.
So, if you’re thinking of someone in your life who frequently takes advantage of others, but never shows up to help in return, you may be playing with a manipulative person…
7) They are constantly jealous of others
It’s funny: narcissists and manipulators can have a lot, be very beautiful, have acquired a lot of wealth and fame, and yet still be envious of others.
They always have to outdo everyone with their presence.
If you get a promotion, they get a full 6-figure management position.
If you get a new car, they buy one for double the price.
If you talk shyly about how much you love your new partner, he or she will smile faintly and tell you that’s great… my partner just proposed to you! Check out this episode.
Narcissists and manipulators are often envious. They can’t stand to see others succeed or get something they don’t, so they constantly compare themselves to others and try to get to the top.
This envy can manifest itself in sarcastic comments, one-upmanship, or even outright vandalism. It is an attempt to enhance their sense of superiority by putting others down.
Helps! I have someone manipulating my life…
Realizing that you are dealing with a manipulator or narcissist is just the first step. Next steps include setting boundaries, seeking support, and taking care of your mental health.
Here are some things to keep in mind:
Don’t engage in their manipulative games – don’t sink to their level, and even if you wanted to, this is their domain, and they are experts at it.
Seek support from trusted friends, family members, or a mental health professional.
Be kind and take care of yourself. Emotional manipulation can negatively impact your mental health. Make sure to prioritize self-care and consider seeking professional help if necessary.
Deciding what to do when you are dealing with a manipulator or narcissist is not easy. There is no one-size-fits-all answer.
But hopefully being aware of these warning signs will give you the clarity and confidence to make the decision that’s best for you.
Remember, it’s okay to prioritize your well-being and peace of mind. You deserve relationships built on respect, empathy, and true care. Don’t settle for anything less.
