Manipulation can be difficult to recognize, especially when the person doing it is an expert at disguise.

It’s all about control and getting what they want, often without revealing their true intentions.

Secret manipulators are skilled at using language to subtly influence or control your actions.

They know the right words to say that can make you start second guessing yourself.

To help you identify these cunning individuals, I’ve compiled a list of phrases they often use.

By becoming familiar with these phrases, you may be able to spot a manipulator before he gets under your skin.

Let’s dive into “9 Phrases That Secret Manipulators Regularly Use.”

It is time to arm ourselves with knowledge against these cunning speakers.

1) “You’re too sensitive”
In any relationship, personal or professional, respecting one’s feelings and emotions is crucial.

However, covert manipulators have a knack of dismissing your feelings as too sensitive or exaggerated.

This is the classic gaslighting technique.

Gaslighting is a form of psychological manipulation where the manipulator makes you doubt your feelings, instincts and reason.

When someone tells you, “You’re too sensitive,” they’re trying to invalidate your feelings.

Instead of addressing the issue at hand, they turn it back onto you. It is an attempt to make you question your reactions and emotions.

In doing so, they shift the blame onto you and take away your ability to respond effectively.

It’s a powerful manipulative tactic because it can make you feel like you’re the problem, not them.

The key to combating this is to recognize it for what it is – manipulation.

Your feelings are valid, and anyone who tries to tell you otherwise may be trying to control you or influence you in unhealthy ways.

2) “I was just kidding”
Secret manipulators have a knack for using humor as a mask for their hurtful comments.

It’s a tactic I’ve personally tried.

I remember a friend who used to make derogatory comments about my appearance.

When I confronted him about this, his usual response was: “I was just kidding.”

He made it seem like you were the one overreacting or lacking a sense of humor.

But here’s the problem, these so-called jokes were often at my expense and had a critical tone.

These “jokes” were his way of undermining my self-confidence, without me taking responsibility for his words.

“I was just kidding” serves as a shield for the manipulator, allowing them to say hurtful things while avoiding blame.

It’s their way of putting the blame on you for not being able to take a joke.

Recognizing this pattern is the first step to dealing with such subtle manipulation.

Humor should make you feel good, not bad about yourself.

3) “I hate drama”
Ironically, those who constantly claim to “hate drama” are often the ones who stir it up.

It’s a classic manipulation tactic used by covert manipulators to portray themselves as innocent and above any struggle or conflict.

In fact, they may be the ones instigating the drama behind the scenes.

They create chaos and then sit back, playing bewildered bystanders who have no idea how things got out of control.

By recognizing this phrase for what it is – the deflection technique – you can begin to see through the manipulator’s disguise and understand their true intentions.

4) “Trust me”
Trust is something that must be earned over time through actions, not just words.

However, covert manipulators often use the phrase “trust me” as a way to gain your trust quickly and without merit.

This phrase is a red flag, especially when used frequently or in situations where trust has not yet been built.

It is an attempt to override your natural skepticism and get you to lower your guard.

Manipulators use this phrase to make you feel safe and make you believe they have your best interests at heart.

True trust is built through consistent, trustworthy behavior, not just words.

The next time someone repeatedly asks you to “trust them,” ask them why they feel the need to say that so often.

This may be a sign that they are trying to manipulate you into giving them unjustified trust.

5) “You owe me”
Secret manipulators are experts at making you feel indebted to them.

The phrase “You owe me” is often used to condemn you for doing something that you may not want to do.

This tactic plays with your sense of justice and obligation.

They may remind you of a favor they’ve done for you in the past, often exaggerating its importance, to make you feel like you owe them.

But relationships aren’t about keeping score.

It’s not about who owes whom. It’s about mutual respect and reciprocity.

No one has the right to make you feel obligated or indebted without your consent.

6) “If you loved me, you would…”

This is a phrase that hits straight to the heart.

Secret manipulators often use love as a tool to get what they want, and it is one of the most painful forms of manipulation.

“If you loved me, you would…” is a phrase that manipulates your emotions and makes you question your feelings.

It is a coercive tactic used to convince you to conform to their desires.

Love should never be used as a bargaining chip.

It’s not about doing everything the other person wants; It’s about mutual respect, understanding and compromise.

When someone uses your love for them as a weapon, it is a clear sign of manipulation.

Love is not about control or demands, it is about caring and understanding.

Don’t allow anyone to use your feelings as a tool for their own gain.

7) “No one will love you like me”
This phrase is a manipulative way to make you feel lucky to have them, even if they treat you poorly.

It’s a tactic designed to lower your self-esteem and make you feel dependent on them.

I remember a time when I was in a relationship where this phrase was used a lot.

It made me feel trapped and afraid to leave, as I was manipulated into believing that no one would care for me the same way.

But the truth is that this phrase is just a trick to keep you attached to the manipulator.

It is a fear tactic used to control and isolate you.

Love should never make you feel trapped or afraid. If someone makes you feel like they’re your only option, that’s not love, it’s manipulation.

8) “I never said that”
Secret manipulators are masters at twisting the truth and denying the things they have said. “I never said that” is a common phrase they use to make you question your memory and perception.

This tactic, known as gaslighting, makes you doubt your experiences and memories.

Over time, this can lead to confusion and make you feel like you’re losing control of reality.

When faced with undeniable evidence, manipulators may go so far as to accuse you of misunderstanding or misremembering.

This is designed to undermine your confidence in your judgement.

Don’t let anyone make you question your reality.

If you notice a pattern of denial and distortion, this is a clear sign that you are dealing with a manipulator.

Trust your memory and instincts.

9) “It’s all your fault”
This is the last and perhaps most damaging phrase in a manipulator’s toolbox.

They often use the phrase “it’s all your fault” to shift blame and avoid taking responsibility for their actions.

Manipulators are experts at twisting situations to make you feel responsible, even when you’re not.

This constant blame game can be emotionally draining and can greatly damage your self-esteem.

Everyone makes mistakes, but a pattern of blaming others, especially for their actions or feelings, is a strong sign of manipulation.

Don’t allow anyone to make you bear the burden of their mistakes.

You are not responsible for anyone else’s happiness or actions except your own.

FinalThoughts: It’s about self-awareness

Understanding human interactions, especially when it comes to manipulation, often comes down to self-awareness.