Manipulators are masters of deflection.

This is the reason why they can get away with any crime and even gain the sympathy of others.

How do they do it?

With good acting skills and of course the catchy words.

If you want to know if someone is manipulating you, read on.

Here are some phrases that manipulators use to blame others for their mistakes.

1) “It wasn’t my idea!”
For the master manipulator, it’s always someone else’s idea – if he gets into trouble, that is.

So when they agree to do something and they get caught or make a terrible mistake, they’ll raise their hands and say, “Well, that wasn’t my idea!”

Let’s say their classmate asked them to buy a box of cakes for the whole class, and they made the mistake of buying really expensive cakes.

“But I was just following orders,” they will say.

Which is a smart thing to say because they are actually following orders. But the real “mistake” is when they didn’t execute it well, and they should take responsibility for that.

2) “I was just trying to help.”
Manipulators are experts at making themselves seem like the good guys.

They are the “hero,” the ones with “good intentions,” the ones who “always care.”

That’s why when things go wrong, they play the victim.

They were sobbing, “But I was just trying to help!” Or “Is this how you treat me after everything I’ve done?”

It’s as if people have no right to think they’ve done something wrong (even if they’ve clearly done something wrong) just because they have good intentions.

And if you can’t forgive them right away, well… you’re heartless!

3) “I told you so.”
When something goes wrong, they will look at someone else and say “I told you so.”

What’s funny is that they weren’t terribly opposed to the idea of that one in the first place.

So, suddenly, they not only had their hands clean of crime by saying “I told you so,” but they also showed that they were wiser than others.

It’s as if they’re saying things would have been fine if only they had listened to them.

4) “They pressured me to do it!”
Look, unless there’s a gun to your head or a bully is harassing you, you’re responsible for the things you do.

Yes, even if someone pressures you to do so!

But manipulative people want to make others feel responsible for their mistakes.

So, even if they feel very little pressure, they’ll say, “Whoa, whoa! They pressured me to do that! It’s their fault!”

Let’s say their friends convinced them to stay up late to watch another episode of their favorite show. Because of this, they were late for 7 a.m. class and missed an important exam.

Guess who they’ll blame? Everyone but themselves.

5) “But I thought that was something you would want!”
Manipulators will tell you that you have no right to blame them just because they did something for you.

Let’s say you tell your manipulative friend that you’d like to go to Japan one day.

Then, without telling you, they book a ticket for two to Japan using your joint account.

So, of course, I was terrified when I found out!

They’ll act hurt and say “But I thought that was the thing you wanted!”

Well…yeah, you want to go to Japan but you never said you wanted to buy tickets as soon as possible.

But a manipulator will make it seem like you’re ungrateful just to question him for trying to make you happy.

6) “Is it really that big a deal?”

Manipulators have a habit of gaslighting the people around them, especially if they have done something wrong.

If they forget to put your favorite ice cream back in the fridge, they won’t say, “Oh no, I’m sorry. I’ll buy you another one.”

Instead, they’ll get upset at you for “overreacting” and ask, “Is this really that important?!” Or say, “Awesome! All this drama just for ice cream?!”

And do you know what’s funny?

Even if it was definitely important, manipulators would still say this phrase.

They may also say other phrases that can invalidate your feelings such as “You’re too sensitive” or “You’re making a mountain out of a molehill!”

7) “Great! You’re just noticing the things I’m doing wrong.”
Clearly they made a mistake. They even admitted it and muttered “sorry.”

But if you make them feel bad about it — for example, if you keep talking about it and won’t let go — they’ll start to make you feel like you’re attacking them.

They will say that you are too hard on them, and that they can’t do anything right for you.

They may also tell you that you are too negative and stressed out to attack you personally.

They are doing this to silence you so the focus will be on how “bad” you are with them rather than the actual problem.

8) “Well, you had to do it yourself.”
They’ll offer to do something for you, maybe to fix your sink or to edit a photo.

And they’ll say it’s like of course it’s so easy to do, you’ll let them.

But when things go wrong, they raise their hands and say, “Wow, wow! You should have done that yourself then!”

Yes, you are the “ungrateful person” even if you didn’t really ask for their help.

They might even say something like “You really should have hired an expert if you wanted great results!”

9) “I like the way you make this about you.”
When something goes wrong and it affects you significantly, you naturally have the right to respond.

But professional manipulators will make you think you’re a narcissist just to always “focus on you.”

How can you not think about how impactful it is when you actually do it?!

Again, gaslighting.

Master manipulators are experts at making you feel bad for feeling bad.

10) “You know I’m not good at this!”
You encouraged them to do something, because you truly believed in their abilities, and when they failed miserably, they attacked you and blamed you.

Manipulators hate being seen as failures.

So they always blame you for pushing them to do something…even if it’s for their own good.

This phrase can also be used in another context.

When you ask them to do something very simple—like chop an onion or clean out the refrigerator—and they make a mistake, they’ll simply say, “Well, you already know I’m not good at that!”

The annoying thing is that you get the feeling that they are doing it on purpose so you won’t ask for their help again.

finalthoughts

Oh manipulators!

They’re really annoying to deal with, aren’t they?

But be careful. They may seem harmless when they try to get away with small infractions like not washing the dishes.

But it can be dangerous when it comes to more important things like unfinished business presentations or unpaid loans.

So, if you suspect someone is being manipulative, pay attention if they use these phrases. When this happens, they probably try to blame others. Let’s hope you don’t have to.