There is a fine line between being assertive in a relationship and being controlling.
the difference? Free will. When someone is controlling, they usually use manipulative tactics to get their way. Often, this is done subtly and under the guise of love or care.
But it is important to recognize these tactics for what they are – manipulation. And believe it or not, there are signs that indicate that a person is using it.
This article reveals the nine manipulation tactics that controlling people often display in relationships. Let’s break it down together.
1) Gas lighting
One of the most common and insidious tactics used by controlling individuals is gaslighting.
Gaslighting is a manipulative tactic where one person makes another question their reality, memory, or perceptions. The term comes from a 1944 film called “Gaslight,” in which a husband manipulates his wife into thinking she is going crazy.
In relationships, this can take many forms. For example, a partner may deny that certain events occurred or dismiss the other’s feelings as “overreacting” or “imagining things.”
the aim? Making the other person question their judgment and become more dependent on the manipulator for their version of reality.
It is a subtle form of control because it undermines an individual’s self-confidence. Acknowledging this tactic is the first step toward confronting it.
But remember that it is important to trust your experiences and feelings. Don’t let someone else redefine your reality.
2) Stumbling with guilt
Another manipulation tactic that controlling people often use is guilt.
Related : 9 ways to deal with a narcissist, according to psychology
Guilt tripping is when someone makes you feel guilty for getting what they want. They may distort the situation to make it seem like everything is your fault, or constantly remind you of a mistake you made in the past.
I remember an instance in a previous relationship where I always felt guilty for wanting to spend time with my friends. My partner might say things like: “Sure, go ahead and have fun. I’ll be here alone.”
It was an obvious attempt to manipulate me into staying home. The guilt I felt every time I wanted to go out was overwhelming.
But over time, I realized that this was not healthy behavior. In a balanced relationship, both parties should have the freedom to maintain their individual lives outside of the relationship. It’s okay to spend time with friends, and it’s okay to want to spend some time alone.
3) Isolation
A few years ago, I was in a relationship where my partner was constantly criticizing my friends and family. Subtly at first, then blatantly over time.
I found myself slowly moving away from the people I loved, spending less time with them, and missing out on gatherings and events. I didn’t even realize what was going on until I looked around one day, and it felt like it was just me and my partner against the world.
This isolation.
It’s an anxiety-inducing tactic used by controlling partners who want to eliminate any outside influences or support that could challenge their control over you.
the aim? To make you feel lonely and dependent on them.
But here’s the thing.
you are not alone.
Reconnecting with your support network is an essential step to regaining your independence and breaking free from a controlling relationship.
4) Constant criticism
Have you ever been in a relationship where nothing you do seems good enough? You may be dealing with a controlling partner who uses constant criticism as a means of manipulation.
This could be anything from belittling your achievements, undermining your abilities, or even making fun of your dreams and ambitions. The goal is to chip away at your self-esteem, making you feel worthless and dependent on validation.
It is necessary to realize that every person has their own strengths and weaknesses. Constructive criticism is one thing, but if your partner’s comments make you feel small and inadequate, it’s time to question the dynamic of your relationship.
Remember, a loving partner should build you up, not tear you down.
5) Threats and warnings
One particularly harmful tactic used by controlling individuals is the use of threats and ultimatums.
This can range from threats to end the relationship to more serious threats of harm or even suicide. The goal is to create fear and anxiety, making you feel like you have no choice but to comply with their demands.
Ultimatums are also a form of manipulation. They create a false dichotomy, forcing you to choose between two extremes, usually with the goal of getting you to do what they want.
If you are facing threats or ultimatums in your relationship, this is a clear sign of a controlling partner. Seek help from friends, family, or trusted professionals if you find yourself in such a situation.
6) Love bombing
This tactic may seem positive, but it is not. Love bombing occurs when a controlling partner showers you with excessive affection and attention from the beginning of the relationship.
They may make grand gestures, shower you with gifts, or constantly tell you how perfect you are. It can seem wonderful, like a whirlwind romance, but there is a dark side to it.
The goal is to quickly make you emotionally dependent on them. Once they feel they have gained your trust and commitment, controlling and manipulative behavior can begin.
Building healthy love takes time and should never feel overwhelming or rushed. If you find yourself in the middle of a love bombing campaign, take a step back and evaluate the situation objectively. Healthy relationships are about balance, respect, and mutual growth.
7) Financial control
Controlling individuals may insist on accessing your bank accounts, controlling your spending, or even preventing you from working.
In my previous relationship, my ex insisted on paying for everything, and at first, it seemed like a generous gesture. But over time, I realized that this was their way of controlling me. I felt guilty for wanting to contribute, and eventually, I became financially dependent on them.
It was only after I got out of that relationship that I truly realized the importance of financial independence. Finances should always be a shared responsibility in a relationship, with both partners having equal say and control.
8) The silent treatment
The silent treatment is a form of passive-aggressive manipulation often used by controlling individuals. It involves ignoring or refusing to communicate with the other person until they give in to your demands.
Being on the receiving end of the silent treatment can be extremely painful. It can make you feel anxious, guilty, and desperate to solve any problem you have caused.
However, healthy communication is crucial in any relationship. Everyone has disagreements, but they should be resolved through open and honest conversation, not through punishments or withdrawal of affection.
9) Shifting blame
Last, but certainly not least, is blame shifting. This happens when a controlling person never takes responsibility for his or her actions and always finds a way to shift the blame onto you.
Whether it’s a disagreement or a mistake they made, one way or another it always ends up being your fault. This is a deliberate tactic to keep you on the defensive, constantly trying to justify yourself instead of addressing their behavior.
The most important thing to remember is that everyone makes mistakes and everyone should take responsibility for their actions. If your partner is constantly blaming you, it’s not only unfair, it’s manipulative. Stand your ground and don’t let them evade responsibility.
FinalThoughts: It’s all about respect
The fabric of human relationships is complex and woven with various emotions and behaviors. When it comes to manipulation in relationships, the underlying problem often boils down to a lack of respect.
Respect, at its simplest, means recognizing another person’s autonomy, feelings, and needs. A controlling partner who uses manipulative tactics often ignores these aspects, causing hurt and distress.
