Here’s the thing: playing the victim is their way of avoiding accountability and gaining sympathy by getting people to side with them.
At first, they’ll use it to get you to side with them, but later, you’ll likely be the bad guy in their story and they’ll get someone else’s sympathy.
Psychotherapist and author Erin Leonard, Ph.D. He talks about the signs of a toxic friend, noting: “They often play the victim and assert that their ordeal is more difficult than anyone else’s.”
Playing the victim in this way isn’t just a clear sign of a toxic friend. It’s also a very common manipulation tactic, which makes sense since manipulation is at the core of toxic friendships.
If you notice that someone is always the victim in their stories, it’s time to ask yourself: “Am I getting the whole picture here or is there something else going on?”
3) They feel guilty
Guilt is a classic manipulation tactic favored by bad friends, so watch out for it.
“If someone makes you feel bad about something you did (or didn’t do) and then uses those bad feelings to get you to do something for them, then you have experienced guilt,” Kendra Cherry explains. , psychology author, and teacher.
They act as if you owe them something, but in fact you have done nothing wrong and have nothing to feel guilty about.
When I started playing with a new sports team, I was making a lot of new friends and Leah didn’t like that. She started making me feel guilty by saying things like, “We can never go out anymore because you’re too busy with your new gym friends. I think they’re more important now.”
When she said this, I initially felt bad and I promised to make up for it by doing something nice on the weekend. However, looking back, I was only spending an hour or two a week with my new friends and didn’t have anything to feel bad about.
Have you noticed your friend guilting you about things most people wouldn’t mention? If so, you likely have a toxic friend.
4) They try to isolate you
I know this may sound like I’m talking about a possessive partner but believe it or not, toxic friends may try to isolate you from other friends.
Listen, this is more about you than them, but it’s really important.
Be honest: Do you find yourself often making excuses for your (possibly toxic) friend?
This really amazes me because if I’m being completely honest, I’m always making excuses for everyone. Many friends from different social groups and even my family warned me about her, questioning her behavior and calling it manipulative.
I was constantly defending her by saying things like “yeah, but you don’t get it, that’s just how Leah is, and she doesn’t mean anything by it” or “you don’t understand our friendship so I don’t get it.” “I expect you to understand.”
But here’s the problem: They were fine, every single one of them. I wish I had listened sooner. I thought I knew better but I was blind to it at the time.
If you notice that you are defending them and their behavior towards others or yourself, this is a sign that deep down you know that the way they are behaving is unacceptable.
6) They are passive aggressive
When it comes to conflict with a toxic friend, it’s all sly digs and indirect jabs. It’s almost impossible to sit down and have a discussion about how you feel.
Instead of being honest, they will use passive-aggressive tactics that are both confusing and hurtful. This includes things like sarcasm, backhanded compliments, lots of eye-rolling, and even the silent treatment.
Look familiar?
As PsychCentral notes, the presence of passive aggression is a clear sign of a toxic friendship.
Regina George (played by Rachel McAdams) from the original Mean Girls is the queen of passive aggression. She constantly uses these tactics to control and manipulate her group of friends. She is the ultimate example of a toxic friend.
See: All friends have disagreements. But if every little thing prompts a sarcastic comment or a few days of the silent treatment, that’s a big warning sign that your friendship has become toxic and you’re putting up with things no one should have to go through..
