Narcissistic mothers are a source of dysfunction in their families. They tend to be arrogant and controlling, and instead of taking care of their daughter, they expect her to meet their own needs. This article discusses the characteristics of narcissistic mothers, how they deal with their daughters, the impact of their behavior on their daughters, and strategies for dealing with narcissistic mothers.

Characteristics of a narcissistic mother

A narcissistic mother is usually possessive and controlling, and will attempt to control all aspects of her daughter’s life.

This type of mother usually has an inflated sense of self-importance, a lack of empathy for others, and difficulty recognizing the boundaries between her daughter’s life and her own.

She may also be critical, competitive, or envious of her daughter’s accomplishments or successes.

Here’s an overview of some common characteristics these mothers have:

Possessive and controlling behaviour. Narcissistic mothers often try to control their daughters’ lives.

They see no need for boundaries between themselves and their daughters, and have no respect at all for their daughters’ need to become more independent and autonomous as they grow older.

Inflated sense of self-importance. The narcissistic mother believes that she is superior to the people around her, including her daughter.

As a result, she will belittle and belittle her children, seriously damaging their self-esteem and self-confidence in the process.

Unsympathetic attitude towards others. Narcissistic mothers are usually unable to recognize or empathize with the feelings of those around them, and instead focus only on their own needs and desires.

This type of behavior can leave long-lasting emotional scars on their children, and they often struggle to develop healthy relationships with others and process negative emotions in a constructive way.

Cash and competitiveness. Narcissistic mothers tend to be extremely critical, competitive, or envious of any of their daughters’ accomplishments and successes.

The result is that their daughters experience a lack of validation as they grow up, which can have negative effects on their self-confidence and mental well-being.

How do narcissistic mothers deal with their daughters?

Narcissistic mothers can be difficult to deal with, and the relationship between a narcissistic mother and her daughter is usually very complex and tense.

Here are some of the most common ways narcissistic mothers treat their daughters.

How narcissistic mothers treat their daughters – conditional love
Narcissistic mothers rarely give their daughters the unconditional love and support they need, often viewing them as an extension or reflection of themselves rather than as a separate individual deserving of respect.

This means that instead of providing guidance and helping the daughter become her own person, the narcissistic mother will struggle to let her daughter go, trying to keep her under her control forever.

Without feeling unconditional love for her personality, the daughter of a narcissist can find it difficult to learn self-love and acceptance, and instead feels pressured to constantly strive for perfection in order to please her mother.

How narcissistic mothers treat their daughters – unreasonable expectations

Narcissistic mothers often place unreasonable expectations on their daughters, expecting perfection in all areas.

Failure to meet those expectations means that the child will face harsh criticism or anger from the mother.

These impossibly high standards can damage a daughter’s self-esteem as she strives to live up to an unattainable and unsatisfying ideal.

The constant pressure of having to reach unrealistic goals makes the daughter feel inadequate and unworthy, leading her to believe that nothing she does is ever good enough.

How Narcissistic Mothers Treat Their Daughters – Unhealthy Boundaries

Narcissistic mothers tend to blur boundaries with their daughters and make unreasonable demands that are not appropriate for an age-appropriate parent-child relationship.

This can include expectations of fulfilling parental roles such as being confidants or extensions of themselves rather than being understood as individuals with separate needs and desires.

Not separating the roles of narcissistic mother and daughter can hinder the daughter’s development of healthy independence and autonomy, which are essential skills in adulthood.

It can also lead to them developing a negative self-image due to confusion about their identity and value as an individual, rather than just someone who exists for the benefit of the mother.

How narcissistic mothers treat their daughters – control and manipulation

Narcissistic mothers try to control their daughter’s life through manipulation and emotional blackmail.

They want to dictate every aspect of her life—from what she wears, who she spends her time with, to the decisions she makes—in order to maintain power and authority over her.

They also emotionally manipulate their daughters by invalidating their feelings, using statements that make them doubt themselves.

This instills a deep fear of failure in their children, so much so that when they grow up they never try to venture outside their comfort zone.

Furthermore, they may resort to tactics such as guilt to force their daughter to do what they want or comply with their wishes.

They do this by frequently reminding their daughters of everything they have done for them, and making sure that the daughter feels obligated to do everything her mother wants her to do.

This abuse undermines the daughter’s sense of empowerment and self-confidence, a feeling that typically persists into adulthood if not addressed early through therapy or self-help techniques.

How narcissistic mothers treat their daughters – criticism

Narcissistic mothers often criticize their daughter’s behavior and point out her flaws using harsh words like “stupid” or “lazy.”

This type of criticism is very harmful to the daughter and may lead to feelings of low self-esteem in adulthood.

The long-term effects of this type of verbal abuse can be devastating, as it affects a daughter’s sense of worthiness and ability to confidently navigate adult life with healthy self-esteem.

How narcissistic mothers treat their daughters – excessive praise

Although it may seem counterintuitive, narcissistic mothers often over-praise their daughters.

This is usually done for her own benefit – in order to achieve her own agenda – such as wanting her daughter to excel in school or pursue a career that she approves of.

This type of manipulation can be deceptive and powerful, because it causes the daughter to tie her self-worth to pleasing her mother rather than seeking approval from within.

The effects of narcissistic motherhood on the daughter

Having a narcissistic mother can be very harmful to girls in terms of their self-esteem, sense of identity, relationships with peers and others outside the family, as well as their overall mental health.

Self-esteem problems may arise from feelings of unlove or inadequacy due to the mother’s selfishness, envy, or criticism.

Boundary violations such as interference with personal decision-making can also lead to feelings of anxiety and depression.

Dealing with the challenges of having a narcissistic mother
Daughters dealing with a narcissistic mother first need to realize that they are not responsible for someone else’s feelings or behaviors.

This requires recognizing that their mothers’ behavior is not normal, but rather an unhealthy form of parenting.

Understanding and coming to terms with this is essential if a daughter is to develop healthy boundaries and protect herself emotionally from her mother.

Here are some tips to get started in the healing process.

Acknowledge your feelings. It is important to recognize the emotional pain caused by having a narcissistic mother and not try to ignore it or minimize its seriousness.

Acknowledging these feelings is an important step in the healing process.

Maintain firm boundaries. Establishing and maintaining healthy boundaries with your narcissistic mother is key to setting limits on her behavior and expressing your needs as an individual.

Avoid arguments. Arguing with a narcissistic mother is likely to be fruitless, because she often avoids taking responsibility for her actions or denies them altogether.

Instead, focusing on asserting yourself calmly and respectfully can help get the message across more effectively without escalating the situation.

Don’t take it personally. It can be difficult not to take a narcissistic mother’s comments or behavior personally, but it’s important to remember that they stem from her own problems, not yours.

Seek professional help. Ultimately, seeking professional guidance such as therapy, self-help books, or even peer support groups can be extremely helpful in helping you overcome the challenges of having a narcissistic mother and improve your self-esteem over time.

Final thoughts on how narcissistic mothers treat their daughters
Narcissistic mothers often treat their daughters as extensions of themselves rather than as individuals, and expect them to fulfill parental roles or see the world from their perspective.

They tend to be overly critical, competitive, and dismissive of their daughter’s feelings and opinions.

As a result, daughters may feel that they were never “good enough” in their mothers’ eyes, which can lead to low self-esteem and an inability to feel confident in their decisions.

In addition, narcissistic mothers often blur boundaries with their daughters by violating their privacy or ignoring important aspects such as spending time alone.

This can prevent the development of healthy independence and autonomy, while making them feel pressured into making decisions that are better for the mother than for themselves.

However, there is hope: having a narcissistic mother does not have to define your life. With the right support and understanding from your loved ones, you can learn how to deal with her behavior and build healthy relationships outside your family.

Working with a professional therapist or counselor can help you identify any underlying issues that need attention and provide guidance on how to reconnect with yourself.

Ultimately, it is possible to heal from the emotional pain caused by your narcissistic mother and regain control of your life.