Overt narcissistic mothers are more overt in their abusive behavior, but covert narcissistic mothers hide their abuse gently. These types of narcissistic mothers seem sweet and charming on the surface, but in reality they are selfish and manipulative.

The fact that they appear gentle and caring makes it difficult for children to recognize and address the negative impact of their mothers’ behavior.

In some cases, children of covert narcissistic mothers may experience feelings of guilt and shame over their inability to appreciate their mother’s “kindness.”

In this article, we will focus on the gentle narcissistic mother and how to recognize her hidden strategies.

What is a hidden narcissist?

A covert narcissist is a type of narcissistic personality where the individual displays behavior characteristic of narcissism but in a more subtle and subtle way.

While they may still ask for attention and validation, they usually do so by presenting themselves as humble or self-deprecating.

Below are the main characteristics of a covert narcissist –

False humility. One of the main characteristics of a covert narcissist is the way they present themselves to others.

They may act modest or self-deprecating, but beneath the surface, they expect others to recognize their greatness.

Victim mentality. The covert narcissist may present himself as a victim to attract attention and manipulate others.

They may use their history of abuse or trauma to gain sympathy or to make themselves seem more heroic.

Passive aggressive behavior. Covert narcissists are known for their subtle, deceptive, and manipulative tactics.

They use passive-aggressive tactics to gain power and control over others.

For example, they may say something that sounds helpful but is actually critical of another person.

Lack of empathy. Covert narcissists lack empathy. They may not be able to understand or connect with others emotionally, and are often only interested in relationships that benefit them.

An insatiable need for validation. Covert narcissists have an insatiable need for validation and often need constant admiration from others.

They may use subtle tactics to get praise, such as fishing for compliments or making themselves appear helpless.

Fragile self-esteem. Despite their outward appearance of confidence, covert narcissists have extremely fragile self-esteem.

They may become defensive, angry, or dismissive when their self-image is threatened in any way.

How do you recognize a gentle narcissistic mother?

The gentle narcissistic mother is often described as loving, caring, and generous to her children. She can be the type of mother who is always there for her children and will do her best to make them happy.

However, her behavior is fueled by her own needs, and when her children do not meet those needs, she can become cold and withdrawn, causing serious damage to the child’s self-esteem.

The soft narcissistic mother uses various strategies to control and manipulate her children. These include:

Emotional Manipulation: A gentle narcissistic mother will use emotional manipulation to get her child to do what she wants. She may make her child feel guilty or use fear to control him.

Perfect Mother: The gentle narcissistic mother wants to be seen as the perfect mother, and will do anything to maintain that image, even if it means sacrificing her children’s needs.

Gaslighting: A nice narcissistic mother will gaslight her children.

You will deny the child’s feelings or tell him that his feelings are wrong. This can make it difficult for a child to trust their feelings and can lead to confusion and self-doubt.

Narcissistic Supply: The gentle narcissistic mother uses her children as her narcissistic resource. She expects her children to be there for her emotionally, and if they don’t meet her needs, she may become angry and freeze them out.

Effects of living with a gentle narcissistic mother

Living with a gentle, narcissistic mother can have a significant impact on a child’s emotional and psychological development.

Children of soft narcissistic mothers often suffer from low self-esteem, anxiety, and a lack of trust in others.

Here are some of the effects of living with a nice narcissistic mother:

Lack of validation of feelings: The gentle narcissistic mother fails to validate her child’s feelings. She may even tell the child that the child’s emotions are wrong. This leads to the child being emotionally stunted and unable to express his feelings in a healthy way.

Dependence: Soft, narcissistic mothers create a dependent relationship between themselves and their children. The child is made to feel as if he or she needs to fix the mother’s problems and becomes a source of validation for the mother.

Confusion: The behavior of a gentle narcissistic mother may be confusing and difficult for a child to understand. The mother’s charm and generosity mask her manipulative behavior and make the child doubt his own feelings.

Feeling Invisible: Children of soft, narcissistic mothers can feel invisible because their needs are not acknowledged. They grow up believing that it is their role to meet their mothers’ needs, ignoring their own needs.

How to recover from living with a nice narcissistic mother

If you grew up with a kind, narcissistic mother, it is essential to seek help to deal with the emotional and psychological damage this experience causes. Here are some steps you can take to heal from living with a sweet, narcissistic mother:

Seek Therapy: Therapy is a good place to start when dealing with the effects of living with a sweet, narcissistic mother. A therapist can help a child understand his or her feelings, identify his or her needs, and work to meet those needs.

Set Boundaries: Setting boundaries is essential when dealing with a sweet, narcissistic mother. The child needs to understand that he has a right to his feelings and that he does not have to meet his mother’s needs in order to be loved.

Self-Care: It is essential to focus on self-care when dealing with the effects of living with a narcissistic mother. The child must learn how to take care of himself emotionally and psychologically.

Final thoughts about the gentle narcissistic mother

A soft narcissistic mother can be confusing and emotionally damaging to her children. Her behavior is subtle and secretive, making it difficult for children to recognize the negative impact of her behavior.

However, it is important to understand that no matter how “nice” their behavior may seem on the surface, it is driven by the needs and desires of the narcissistic mother, not the needs of her children.

If you grew up with a narcissistic mother, it is essential to seek help to address the emotional and psychological damage caused by her behavior.

Seeking therapy and setting boundaries are important steps toward healing and regaining your sense of self. It is also essential to practice self-care and focus on building healthy relationships with yourself and others.