In every family, there is a unique blend of personalities and traits that make up the dynamic. However, when dysfunction reaches a certain level, we inevitably begin to question the foundations of these relationships. In some cases, it gets so bad that you start to wonder if maybe the entire family is made up of narcissists, with everyone trying to one-up each other and stab each other in the back.
On the surface, these families may appear normal, even happy. They often go to great lengths to maintain this façade, hiding their dysfunction from outsiders.
But behind closed doors, the reality may be very different. Conflict, misbehavior, abuse, and chaos are common features in these families.
Relationships between family members are tense, unhealthy, and full of negativity and resentment.
Physical violence, threats, and various forms of abuse can also be prevalent in these environments, where they are used as a means of control.
Expressing any form of discontent or negative feelings towards the family. No matter how justified the criticism is, it is met with hostility or denial. This suppression of emotions can lead to further dysfunction and stress within the family unit.
But does this dysfunction mean that everyone in the family is a narcissist? This is not necessarily the case, although the behaviors displayed can certainly make it feel that way.
Narcissistic family structure
A family structure in which one or both parents are narcissists can be complex and emotionally difficult.
Such families often maintain a facade of perfection and harmony, while underlying patterns of manipulation, competition, and emotional abuse prevail.
Children in these families are usually assigned specific roles, each of which serves to support the self-image of the narcissistic parent.
Narcissistic parent
The narcissistic parent is usually self-absorbed, controlling, and manipulative.
They have an inflated sense of self-importance and require constant admiration from others.
These parents often lack empathy and use their children as extensions of themselves to satisfy their needs and desires.
Their love is conditional, and they are often withdrawn if the child fails to meet their expectations.
EmpoweringParent
The enabling parent often plays a submissive role in the narcissistic family structure.
They may not necessarily be narcissists but tend to enable the behavior of the narcissistic parent either out of fear, lack of awareness, or their own co-dependency issues.
They may ignore or downplay the narcissistic parent’s abusive behavior, further contributing to toxic family dynamics.
goldenchild
The golden child is the narcissistic parent’s favorite child who can seem to do no wrong.
They are often praised, given special privileges, and used as an extension of the narcissist’s self-image.
However, this favoritism comes at a price. The golden child is expected to constantly live up to the narcissistic parent’s high expectations, leading to enormous stress and potential identity issues.
The child is the scapegoat
The scapegoat child is often blamed for family problems and bears the brunt of the narcissistic parent’s anger and dissatisfaction.
They are often criticized, belittled and subjected to unfair treatment.
This can lead to feelings of worthlessness and low self-esteem in the scapegoat child, but ironically they may also be the first to recognize the dysfunction in the family and seek help.
lostchild
The lost child tends to be overlooked in the narcissistic family structure.
They often withdraw into their own world as a way to escape toxic family dynamics.
While this may provide them with a temporary respite, it may also lead to feelings of isolation, neglect, and difficulty forming healthy relationships in adulthood.
Narcissists in the family: a complex interaction between genes and environment
When discussing the concept of a narcissist-dominated family, it is important to understand that narcissism has both genetic and acquired components.
This means that although some genetic tendencies toward narcissism may be inherited, the environment also plays an important role in shaping these tendencies.
The environment, especially the family environment in which a child grows, can greatly influence the development of his personality.
This includes not only their behavioral traits, but also their emotional responses, interpersonal skills, and overall worldview.
In a family where narcissistic behaviors are normalized or even rewarded, the child may unconsciously internalize these traits as part of his or her personality construction.
They may learn from an early age that showing grandiosity, seeking constant admiration, or showing a lack of empathy toward others are acceptable, or even desirable, behaviors.
This is especially true if these behaviors are modeled by influential figures in the child’s life, such as his or her parents or caregivers.
Can both parents in a family be narcissists?
While the most common situation is to have a narcissistic parent paired with an enabling parent, in some cases both parents are narcissists, with one being an overt narcissist and the other a covert narcissist.
An overt narcissist is usually straightforward, demanding, and loves to be admired. The covert narcissist, on the other hand, tends to be more subtle, often playing the victim and using guilt as a tool for manipulation.
An overt narcissist may enjoy the admiration he receives from a “lesser” follower, like a covert narcissist, leading to a mutually reinforcing but unhealthy relationship dynamic.
The impact on children growing up in this environment can be significant and long-lasting. They find themselves in an emotional “double dungeon” where they are exposed to narcissistic abuse from both sides.
The effects on children are devastating, leading to problems with self-esteem, relationships and mental health conditions such as anxiety or depression.
Do children of narcissists become narcissists?
The impact of parental narcissism on child development is a complex issue.
Children who grow up with one or both parents with narcissistic personality disorder are actually more at risk of reversing these behaviors as they mature.
This is largely due to the normalization of such behaviors within their family environment, leading these children to internalize these traits as part of their personality framework.
However, it is important to note that not all children of narcissistic parents inevitably become narcissists themselves.
Individual flexibility plays an important role here.
Some children may consciously choose to break away from these unhealthy patterns, often inspired by positive influences outside the immediate family.
These can be supportive teachers, mentors, friends, or even characters in books or movies that embody healthy relationship dynamics.
Furthermore, some children may react instinctively against the narcissistic behaviors they observe in their parents.
They may develop an aversion to these traits and strive to develop the opposite traits in their personalities, such as empathy, humility, and consideration for others.
Thus, while children of narcissistic parents are certainly at greater risk of becoming narcissists, this is not a foregone conclusion.
The interplay of various factors, including individual resilience, external influences, and personal choices, can greatly shape a child’s developmental trajectory, perhaps directing him or her away down the path of narcissism.
