Vengeful personality. Revenge plan. Lack of remorse and empathy. This is how narcissistic personality disorder is often and inaccurately portrayed in popular culture.

Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) is a highly stigmatized and misunderstood condition, and is never a personal choice.

Instead, it is a complex mental health condition that goes beyond certain stereotypical behaviors or attitudes.

Can a person with a narcissistic personality take revenge? Yes. However, the desire for revenge is not an official symptom of the disorder, nor is it limited to people with mental health conditions.

Only a mental health professional can accurately diagnose narcissistic personality disorder.

What is narcissistic personality disorder?

Narcissistic personality disorder affects approximately 5.3% of the US population. It is more common in males.

A sense of self-aggrandizement, an intense desire for admiration and appreciation, and fantasies of unlimited success are just three of nine narcissistic traits.

As with many other mental health conditions, not everyone experiences the same symptoms of BPD or with the same severity. In this sense, the narcissistic personality can be considered a spectrum.

In fact, anyone can act out with grandiosity and other aspects of narcissism in certain situations. This does not mean that they live with the disorder.

The difference between narcissism as a personality trait and narcissistic personality disorder as a mental health condition is the extent to which it persists over time and in all situations.

“We all exaggerate when we tell a story out of excitement,” explains Nicholas Hardy, a psychotherapist in Texas. “But a narcissistic person constantly exaggerates his stories and discusses his accomplishments with an aura of exaggerated importance — to the point where he may become defensive when asked or when someone challenges his idea of superiority.”

In some cases, someone may have more narcissistic personality symptoms or experience them in a more severe way.

When this is the case, some experts call it “extreme narcissism.”

What is severe narcissism?

Narcissism is not a personal decision.

Most people with this condition are not even aware of their symptoms and how it can affect their relationships. However, they may experience these symptoms intensely and widely.

Many experts refer to severe narcissism when symptoms of a narcissistic personality become so persistent and intense that they may begin to further affect the self and relationships.

“There are always different levels of turbulence,” Hardy says. While there may be no clinical distinction, Hardy explains that each person experiences narcissistic personality differently.

“In many ways, they are unable to see outside their false beliefs and have an ‘at all costs’ mentality,” Hardy adds. “Even when it’s not about them, they often create scenarios that redirect other people’s attention.”

There is also a difference between overt and covert narcissism: some people with a narcissistic personality may act extremely dominant and feel superior (overt narcissism), while others may have the same internalized beliefs but act out in more subtle ways (covert narcissism). .

What is retaliatory narcissism?

In general, a vengeful person may tend to hold a grudge and “get back at you” when they feel you have wronged them in some way.

Anyone can act in vindictive ways in some situations, and not everyone who does has a personality disorder.

In the same way, not everyone with a narcissistic personality acts in a vindictive manner.

Revenge narcissism is not an official diagnosis. The term “retaliation” refers more to the way someone with this disorder may act in some situations.

Revenge behavior in someone with a narcissistic personality may be an extreme manifestation of their symptoms. It’s usually the result of what some experts call narcissistic rage.

“Often, this person personalizes any experience that calls into question his or her false beliefs,” explains Hardy. “They view differences as personal attacks and respond in ways that attempt to intimidate anyone responsible.”

In other words, a person with retaliatory narcissism may tend to feel deeply and permanently hurt by another person’s rejection, boundaries, or contradictory behavior. In turn, they may react intensely and need to confront this perceived opponent.

“This opponent is rarely a [real] opponent, but rather how the narcissist has shaped him or her in their mind,” Hardy says.

Retaliatory behavior may look different in each case. Sometimes, it may be about sabotaging someone else. In other cases, it may be saying something hurtful or using something they know against the person.

The motivation behind this retaliatory behavior may also be different in each scenario.

A person with a narcissistic personality may react with anger after someone does not give him the attention he seeks, if someone else gets the promotion he believes he deserves, or when someone disagrees with something he says.

Or, as Hardy says, “If an argument starts, they may bring up secrets from the past and use them against you in hurtful ways.”

Is everyone who insults you or says hurtful things during an argument a “narcissist”? of course not.

As with other mental health conditions, there is a lot involved. Only a mental health professional can make an accurate diagnosi

What causes revenge in narcissistic personality disorder?
The causes of borderline personality disorder, in general, are not well understood or established.

Researchers believe several factors could play a role, including:

Traumatic events
to leave of
Excessive criticism from a loved one
Offense
discrimination
Excessive pampering
Family history of narcissistic personality disorder or other personality disorders
Originates in an individualistic culture
“Narcissism is considered by some to be a comorbid condition, along with other personality disorders, such as antisocial personality disorder and borderline psychopathy,” explains Shevonne Henry, a licensed marriage and family therapist in Miami Gardens, Florida.

In other words, Henry says, they may have low empathy for others. As a result, they cannot understand or relate to other people’s pain or how they cause it.

When someone does not see a direct connection between their behaviors and how others feel, or does not measure the repercussions of those behaviors, they may tend to act in more vindictive ways when they feel hurt.

Common triggers of retaliatory behavior in narcissistic personality disorder

Narcissistic personality disorder is a mental health condition with complex cognitive and behavioral processes. It affects the way you see yourself, others, and the world in general.

A person with this condition may interpret situations differently and see them as a challenge or threat to their integrity, even when they are not.

Beneath the apparent sense of superiority, there may also be an exaggerated need to feel accepted and loved, and poor self-esteem.

In this sense, some people with BPD may feel any sign of rejection as a trigger for retaliatory behavior.

These triggers can be:

Being criticized at work, even if it is constructive

Challenge their opinions or experiences
Someone else gets all the attention in a given situation
Not getting a promotion, even if they just started working at the place
Someone who does not follow their advice or instructions
A loved one develops a significant other relationship
Have their boss praise someone else’s work
These actions may not be intended for a person with BPD. For example, just because a manager compliments a coworker doesn’t mean he thinks everyone else’s work isn’t good.

But for someone with this disorder, this condition can be seen as a direct threat or challenge to their own worth. This may lead them to feel the need to sabotage a co-worker who is receiving attention, for example.

Dealing with revenge in your relationship

It can be difficult to be in a relationship with someone with a narcissistic personality. It can be especially difficult if they act in a vindictive manner.

Whether it’s a friend, co-worker, family member, or significant other, you may want to do a few things to protect yourself emotionally — and sometimes physically.

Setting boundaries

“The most important way to protect yourself while in a relationship with a narcissist is to set firm boundaries,” Hardy says. “When setting these boundaries, it is important to firmly define your ‘why’ and ground it in what you know to be right based on your values and beliefs.”

Someone with this disorder may try to challenge these boundaries or try to get you to adjust them. Stick to the position.

Any compromise you make will likely benefit them, which, according to Hardy, is an unhealthy compromise.

Also consider maintaining these boundaries, even when they are “family.”

Admittedly, it can be very difficult for some people to set these types of boundaries, especially if the person with BPD is a close family member.

“When the vindictive narcissist is a family member, we often feel obligated to remain committed to the relationship based on predetermined standards,” explains Hardy. “I often hear comments like ‘but that’s my mom’ or ‘we always go there during Thanksgiving.’”

But it does not matter if this relationship is predetermined by genetics.

“When these customary rules are unsafe, they lead to more harm and perpetuate unhealthy cycles,” says Hardy.

For this reason, it is very important that you set the terms of dealing with this person based on your own needs and safety.