I consider myself an intelligent person, but I was involved with a man who I now see as having narcissistic traits. I tried to leave him a few months ago, but he said all the right things, so I came back again. All the promises he made at that time went unheeded. It has become clear to me that he has little compassion and is unwilling to accept accountability. Everything I read about narcissists leads me to realize that I cannot heal this man and that I will suffer endless trauma if I stay.
I thought about doing what you suggested and simply saying, “This doesn’t work for me.” One of my friends thinks I should explain more because it will be a complete surprise to him that I intend to leave forever. I care about doing my best. It would be nice to say exactly what I told you; That I feel little empathy for him regarding my feelings, that I see him as retreating from accountability, and that we have different moral standards.
Now that I have made this decision, can you help with “how” to leave a narcissist? At least, having gone through a breakup earlier, I’ll be okay with the consequences once I’m back on my own again.
I’m so glad you were able to recognize the narcissistic traits in the man you were dating. It’s not always easy to reach into your logical mind and say, “I can’t heal this man, and I will be traumatized to no end if I stay.” One of the most important first steps to leaving a narcissist is to realize that they are unable to change. So, give yourself the opportunity to identify the problem and understand that it won’t get better.
How can you break up with him in the most compassionate way?
I assume you have already tried to solve the problems. You mentioned that he didn’t keep his promises, which means you tried to work things out.
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If so, why do you feel the need to rephrase what you’ve already said? He clearly didn’t commit to the end of the relationship. If you have never shared your concerns with him, I would say, by all means, express your feelings and come up with a plan for a solution.
The narcissist doesn’t care about you
A true narcissist has no empathy and will do what is best for them, not you. How do you think he would react if you brought up these issues again? Let’s turn it around. How would you feel if he told you that you have too little compassion, that you don’t keep your promises, and that your moral standards differ from his? Maybe you will feel attacked and become defensive. I think he would react the same way. It won’t end well.
The best way to leave a narcissist is to cut ties and talk as little as possible.
Narcissistic breakup script: You can say something like: “I’ve tried to make this relationship work, but nothing has changed since our last breakup. It’s not healthy for me to stay with you. I wish you well. See you.”
And walk away and never come back. Make sure that the next man you let into your life is a kind, compassionate and responsible person. You deserve so much better.
