Narcissistic people are everywhere, but do you seem to keep finding them all and falling into one toxic relationship after another?
Whether you want to know the rules of attraction that will make you a person without narcissistic behavior or have noticed signs of a toxic relationship after a few short months of getting to know a new guy, there are some patterns in your love life that you need to pay attention to.
Related: 8 Ways To Deal With A Narcissistic Sociopath (Once You Realize You’re Married To One)
Attraction simply works in love and relationships, and the rules of attraction are as follows: What you give to the world you will receive back into your life. Narcissists will show you signs of attraction very early on, so you may not realize it’s a toxic relationship until it’s too late.
But what if there was a reason you kept falling in love with these people?
Do you seem to attract the same type of person – narcissistic or uncommitted – or do your relationships have a similar feel where you only know how to attract men who are bad for you?
It is not uncommon for people to notice that they always attract addicts, narcissists, or emotionally abusive men. It becomes difficult for them to imagine meeting someone different – a suitable, healthy partner with whom they can thrive in a long and prosperous relationship.
An important part of knowing how to change negative patterns is exploring why they keep happening. Next, he develops an action plan to do differently.
Looking at your “why” is to help you gain the necessary self-awareness and insight into the reasons why you might attract and accept unavailable and emotionally unsuitable partners. Many reasons lie in your subconscious mind below the level of consciousness.
Here are 3 ways to discover why you repeat unhealthy relationship patterns and attract men who are narcissistic or just not right for you:
- Explore your early family history.
How was your parents’ marriage? Do your romantic partners have negative traits of either of your parents? Has there been a steady and reliable person in your life? Do you suffer from chaos or abuse? When you were a child, were you given adult responsibilities?
Think about how these early relationships and communication styles with your family influence your partner choices.
There is often a level of comfort or familiarity about it that feels normal in a romantic relationship even if on some level you know it’s unhealthy or making you unhappy.
- Explore topics related to your love life and dating.
Write down every important romantic relationship you’ve had. Include ones that were short but perhaps intense or ones that you were infatuated with, but the feelings weren’t mutual.
Include anything you think is important. Write down the general characteristics of each partner.
Also think about how each relationship ended. Are there similarities and themes you notice about the relationship or individual? What does this information tell you?
- Acknowledge your contribution to the dynamics of the relationship.
Do you tend to be overly anxious or insecure? Are you creating drama or chaos in your life? Are you playing the victim? Can potentially healthy relationships be sabotaged?
You may have traits and behaviors that perpetuate these patterns as well. You should also look at your expectations in relationships, realizing that believing in a perfect union or “soulmate” will lead to disappointment.
If you only blame your partners, you may not fully understand how you got stuck in the first place.
