Do you have a narcissistic ex-boyfriend who won’t leave you alone?

Do you find yourself thinking: “I need help not answering their texts and phone calls! But I miss them too!”

Then it all comes flooding back: the shared memories, the initial fluttering of the heart, the deep longing for what was.

Related: How To Recover From Being Raised By A Narcissistic Parent

How to stop missing your narcissistic ex-lover?

People who attract narcissists have lax boundaries. They identify with what is healthy and create sexual arousal with someone who is wounded and in pain.

Narcissists are attracted to those who are self-reliant and do not speak up to ask for what they want.

They think the “meta” chemistry is love – but it’s not.

People whose parents were narcissists have been conditioned to believe that their “grandiose” self is normal and makes them self-confident. It’s not so, but the brain thinks so and confuses them.

Some people attract narcissists because they have not dealt with their own trauma.
They seek to heal it externally by “being there for someone else who is wounded.”

When I hear women who have found the strength to break free from a narcissistic partner, what I hear is a lot of longing, desperation, and “missing him.”

They easily blocked terrible things.

This is exactly why you got into a relationship with a narcissist to begin with.

You are unconsciously looking for “natural abuse.” When you are freed from it, you will experience withdrawal symptoms.

You are not dealing with your own issues. You gave up yourself for them and you are avoiding coming back to you.

The person you really miss is yourself.
You are confusing this with the narcissist’s “lack” by focusing on the “good times.”

The good times were never real. This is planned – whether consciously or unconsciously – to hook you and keep you hooked. You are missing the point.

I left because of the bad times. You don’t remind yourself why you left. You crave the times when they gave you the “high” you secretly desired, as if you had “won” the lottery with them.

After that, they hit you hard with many secret tactics and you easily forget the ones from the past.

Don’t prepare yourself to be with another narcissist.
You’re setting yourself up to be with another narcissist as soon as one shows up – you’ll feel that way again.

When you “crave” something this hard, you will draw it back to you…until you get it!

That intense desire you have for someone to love you the way you so desperately need is a reflection of your wounds. This is not true love.

Focus on the reason for the breakup.
Stop craving something unhealthy that you have aroused. Focus on why you left them, especially when your mind reminds you of the “good times.”

Realize that good times are not “true love.” What you see when he is abusive, belittling, hurtful, or betrayal is also part of the equation — a major part.

It’s like eating too much pizza because it tastes delicious while knowing you’ll end up in the hospital later in pain. It’s self-abuse – like drug abuse!

Returning to the narcissist is an addiction.

When you stop associating yourself with “fake” happiness and “toxic love” and start giving yourself that love, you won’t feel this “longing” for what makes you just like what you are currently experiencing withdrawals from.

Stop attaching yourself to someone’s wounded heart and false self-confidence. Stop attaching yourself to their words, and instead pay attention to the whole picture.

This is honest and is also something that needs to be thought about before replying to texts, answering their call, meeting up with them as “friends” or seeing them for “closure”.

These are all excuses for “getting a little hit from heroin” – just a little. Just to notice again, they will use it against you. You hit the concrete wall again because you weren’t paying attention again!