Growing up in a family with siblings can be a lot of fun. When you have siblings, you are never alone, you will always have someone to play with, share things with, and talk to.
However, when your toxic sibling is a narcissist, fun times may be few and far between.
Identifying a narcissistic sibling can be very difficult. Some siblings can be mean or difficult for a variety of reasons without displaying actual narcissistic behavior.
Is your toxic sibling a narcissist?
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Narcissists can be difficult to identify because they socialize with toxic, mean, fake, and extremely insecure people for all kinds of reasons.
Specifically, during adolescence when signs of narcissism begin to appear, narcissistic behavior can look like “typical teenage behavior.”
They may find it difficult to make and maintain friendships, increased competitiveness, constant comparisons with others, lack of empathy for others, difficulty accepting criticism, and exaggeration of events and achievements.
As you grow older and move from adolescence to adulthood, the intense focus on “me, myself, and me” should begin to fade. You develop a deeper appreciation for others and the world around you.
However, narcissists remain focused on themselves and their own happiness, and do not think about anyone else’s happiness or well-being.
When a sibling begins to develop and become considerate of others, while the toxic sibling remains focused on their own needs without consideration for anyone else, this can create or widen any cracks in family relationships.
What are the signs of a narcissistic sibling? Pay attention to this.
They should be the center of attention.
They envy you and constantly compare themselves to you.
They sabotage your efforts to appear smarter, more athletic, more attractive, etc.
They constantly seek praise and approval.
They are unwilling or unable to empathize with others.
They act as if you and the world owe them something.
They do not respect boundaries and take things that do not belong to them.
They play the role of “perfect brother.”
The narcissistic sibling cannot feel true empathy, even for the other sibling.
Empathy cannot be expressed if it does not directly benefit the narcissistic sibling. However, he is happy to use the ability to read people in order to manipulate them.
Even in cases where they seem to understand emotions, for example, it is only in their best interest to use this ability – and only when and if it is required to get what they want from you.
Having a narcissistic sibling can be very difficult to manage. But when it escalates into a toxic state (surprisingly, not all narcissists will become toxic), it’s much more damaging.
Toxic siblings will undermine their family dynamic in every way.
They will talk negatively about their siblings to their parents, family members, and even friends, and will try to ostracize the other sibling in an attempt to get everyone to turn against them.
By isolating his sibling, the toxic sibling will feel like a winner, all by belittling the other sibling. The toxic sibling will gradually try to “seize” what has been gained, achieved, or given to the non-toxic sibling.
This “taking over” also includes friends, turning the non-toxic sibling’s friends against her and then inserting herself into the role left vacant by the other sibling.
Related: There Are 3 Types Of Narcissists — How To Spot Each One
Toxic people will give bad advice too.
When a sibling seeks advice from a toxic narcissistic sibling, the toxic sibling will intentionally give false or misleading advice, knowing that the information they are providing is false or an outright lie.
Being in a family with a toxic sibling leads to feelings of anxiety, depression, and uncertainty.
Siblings may feel like they are being judged by the toxic sibling for everything they do, don’t do, or every mistake they make. Successes are not acknowledged or validated by the other sibling.
In the rare cases where an achievement is acknowledged, it is downplayed or attributed to a “lucky coincidence.” They are constantly working to improve their siblings’ self-esteem, to reduce or break it so that they themselves can appear better.
When all else fails for a toxic sibling, if they cannot break down a family member’s self-esteem, they will often become verbally abusive.
A toxic sibling will verbally abuse their other sibling without any shame.
They will constantly tell their siblings how bad they are at everything, and even humiliate them in front of others. Toxic people show no respect for their siblings, and enjoy undermining them in front of others.
Control is a weapon easily used by toxic narcissistic siblings. This control can be stifling.
Cutting ties with your sibling is difficult and usually never your first choice. But, sometimes, this is the only way to save your sanity and heal the emotional pain a toxic sibling causes you.
Cutting ties with toxic family members is an act of self-care.
Being forced to set boundaries is not something you do because you are mean or spiteful. It’s something you do to protect your physical and mental health.
Understandably, it is never easy to cut your toxic sister or brother out of your life.
When it comes to family, it can be very difficult to accept that a family member is creating such intense feelings of stress, anxiety, and pain that you cannot continue to have a relationship with them.
Those who want to maintain a relationship with their toxic sibling must set boundaries.
These boundaries should include not talking down about you to anyone, including other family members, refraining from engaging in competitive behavior with you, respecting your personal space and property, and never handing out misleading information.
Insist that your brother provide information that he believes is true to the best of his knowledge. If they are unsure about the information or advice they are giving, they should clarify that as well.
