This happened to me, so I know what I’m talking about. I want to share my very painful experience.
I want to open my heart and become completely vulnerable in front of all of you.
I do this in hopes that my story will help others be freed from the hell they are going through just as I was freed from mine.
It took me a long time to understand what kind of monster I was married to, it took me 4 years. 4 years of tears, 4 years of crippling pain, 4 years of thinking it was all my fault.
After all this time, I’m not the same again. He took that part of me that made me who I am.
He stole it from me and turned me into something I didn’t want to be. Something he wanted me to be.
Something he can control – a mannequin disguised as a woman.
He was an endless bastard. A heartless mother. He did not care about a single soul in this world except himself.
He did not care about his family or friends. In fact, he didn’t even have any friends.
He stole from me too. He was so calculated, so sneaky and I didn’t understand him.
I couldn’t leave like this. Even when I started to realize what he was doing to me, I couldn’t walk away.
It’s not as easy as it seems. I know that people sometimes judge women who are being abused because they still cling to their abusers.
These abused women even defend their attackers and make excuses. Well, it’s easy to just play observer and judge these women.
But living this scenario and waking up every morning with a stomach full of fear and disappointment written all over your face is something completely different.
These women are afraid to leave because they are accustomed to the ill-treatment they receive. They don’t know any better.
It’s crazy weird, because, to some extent, they at least have some sort of security, even if they’re living with an abuser. These toxic men know how to trick you into believing that they truly care about you.
They know how to give you enough attention to keep you going.
When they do, they turn into their toxic sociopaths, their actual true selves, once again, and the vicious cycle continues. That’s why you can’t leave.
He keeps giving you hope that he will change.
The only thing these women know is abuse. When someone screams and attacks you every day, that becomes your normal environment.
After some time, those harsh, loud insults won’t offend you as much.
His threats and violent behavior do not affect you much. I mean it affects you, but you swallow it all up.
You’re not shaking in front of him anymore, but you’re going through hell inside.
He gives you a dose of himself and you’re hooked.
It’s like you’re hooked. He’s made you try it so many times and now you can’t stop.
You need more and more and he keeps giving you something you think you need, something you think you can’t live without.
When a drug addict wakes up, he realizes what he has been doing to himself.
He realizes how much damage he has done to his precious mind and body and realizes how stupid he was to the point where he couldn’t get enough.
Either you give up drugs or you die. It’s the same for you. Leave it or die from the inside.
If your courage is telling you that something is wrong, if you feel like you are imprisoned, if your true self slowly starts to fade away or if you disappear completely, then you are being emotionally abused.
Everything you wrote is true, but most women who live it can’t accept it or are afraid to.
If you are still too afraid to take the step to become “sober”, and let go of the sociopath who constantly feeds you with intoxication, remember this…
Love isn’t supposed to be this way. Love isn’t supposed to scream at you because you’re having a bad day.
Love is not supposed to emotionally blackmail you. Love isn’t supposed to make you feel less worthy.
Love isn’t supposed to break you.
But these guys are everything but love. They yell and scream and are disrespectful.
These men don’t know how to love. They know how to pretend they love you.
They use their evil manipulative power to gaslight you and make you completely oblivious to what is happening.
They have the power to control you, but only until you wake up from the nightmare they have given you and realize that you deserve and want so much better than what you have now.
It puts the spotlight on you and makes you feel like you’re crazy
It’s his favorite tactic, and the thing he does best. It makes you believe things that aren’t true.
Even if you doubt him at first and confront him about it, he will make strong and vivid excuses and this discussion will continue for days.
He’ll act like it’s no big deal. Even if you catch him texting another woman who is clearly his lover, he will make you think that this is not true.
At first you will insist that he explain the situation to you, but after a while of hearing the same excuses, you will start to doubt yourself.
In fact, you’ll make yourself believe that it’s all in your head, and that you’re pushing things too far.
That was his plan all along. To make you think that you are the crazy one and that he has done nothing wrong.
Makes you think that everything is your fault.
He feels completely guilty. It makes you believe that you are the one responsible for literally anything, whether your mistakes or mistakes.
In the end, he is the perfect person and it is impossible for him to make mistakes. You are helpless, submissive, and last on the list.
This is how he emotionally blackmails you.
If he has problems in his life, he will blame you by saying that you don’t love him or that you don’t give him enough of your time and that’s why he failed. Not because you’re incompetent, but because you’re not trying hard enough.
He’s a control freak
He’s a control freak. That’s why it isolates you from the rest of the world.
He doesn’t want you to associate with anyone but him, so he can feed you with his toxic thoughts and violent behavior.
So you think there is nothing better for you, just what it offers you.
He also knows that he can’t get your attention. After you fall in love with him, he knows he has to do something to make you stay.
To achieve this, master controlling any potential situation, so there will be no surprises. This makes you feel like a prisoner.
He is a complete hypocrite
At first, it would be perfect. He will move mountains for you and you for him. But after some time, it will change and become worse and worse.
He will cheat, he will lie, and he will manipulate you. He will treat you like you are last on his list of priorities because in reality you are.
The funny thing is that you are supposed to remain perfect and flawless.
You have to be careful with your behavior and you have to be careful not to hurt him in any way possible while he treats you like crap.
The world revolves around him
He should be the center of attention and your whole world should revolve around him.
If you do something that has nothing to do with him, he will get insanely jealous and make you pay for this “mistake” you made.
In fact, it has no identity of its own. He needs you to boost his ego and feed him with your approval which is sad when you look at it closely.
He doesn’t respect your boundaries
This is again because he doesn’t respect you enough to care about you. We all have boundaries, we all draw boundaries when something is too much for us.
We have things we tolerate and things we hate.
Well, he doesn’t respect that. He thinks he has the right to set his boundaries for you.
Even if you stay firm and let him realize that enough is enough, he won’t respect that.
He will cross these boundaries every time he wants to because he doesn’t care at all about what you need or think about him.
He is completely lying
He was born this way. Almost everything he says is a lie. He lies so perfectly that you will never suspect him and he is consistent.
He never loses himself in the chaos of lies he creates. Even if you caught him lying, he would still be completely calm. He will lie his way out of this situation as well.
It will slowly consume you
He will use you and will suck your energy dry. This will continue as long as he needs to.
Even when you are completely depleted and have nothing left, he will leave you for a while to recharge and come back and feed on you more.
He will infect you with his poison and prevent you from seeing how capable, strong, and beautiful you are.
His main goal is to assure you that you are nothing without him.
To achieve this, he plays all kinds of emotional mind games, just to assure you that he is all you can ever have.
If he tried to keep you any other way, he would be alone forever.
