Emotional attachment is a strong and lasting emotional bond that forms between people, although sometimes the term can be used to describe clinging to possessions, habits, or beliefs.
It involves the desire to be close to the person or thing to which we are attached and to return to the same person or thing for comfort. The absence of the attached number leads to anxiety.
While attachment is natural for humans and involves sharing comfort and care, it is true that sometimes it can mean a lack of freedom and unhealthy clingy behavior.
When you create an attachment, you may find it difficult to leave it when something goes wrong. When we are accustomed to our comfort zone, we do not like forced changes.
Psychological research shows that early childhood experiences are important for development and behavior later in life, which means that we learn our attachment style while we are still children, and it can change later in life.
Why should we learn about our attachment style? It’s not about confining love into strict categories, but rather about easily understanding where we come from.
Different emotional attachment styles
Attachment theory (described by psychoanalyst John Bowlby) distinguishes between four main attachment styles, each of which says a lot about the person and their needs.
Believe
When someone has this kind of emotional connection, it means they are starting with great assets.
They have no problem communicating with their partner, they do not hesitate to ask for help or emotional support and do the same with their partner in return, which leads to a healthy relationship.
That’s why a person with this relationship style enjoys equal and understanding relationships that help them grow together.
Having the same pace in a relationship gives stability, which is very important for long-term relationships.
They do not engage in so-called fantasy bonds that give a false sense of security, but rather genuinely support their partner and meet their emotional needs.
All of this does not mean that secure relationships are perfect but what it does mean is that there is an effort to understand, listen and problem solve together rather than blaming each other, being passive aggressive or abandoning.
A secure attachment style means that both partners have great self-awareness, which helps them move past any problems and focus on shared goals and well-being.
Anxious – worried
In contrast to the previous pattern, anxious individuals engage in so-called imaginary associations.
A person with this attachment style tends to fantasize about romance but fail to meet expectations in reality.
They overthink and overanalyze, which makes them clingy and sometimes obsessive.
Instead of true love, they feel a strong emotional need that stems from the deprivation they experienced earlier in their lives.
This emotional emptiness makes them emotionally hungry and their partner cannot fully satisfy this hunger if the person does not work on their issues first.
They are likely to fall in love with a partner they can save, or in some cases who they believe can save them, and it is usually the wrong person.
A recurring theme with someone with this personality type is low self-esteem, which stems from growing up without limits.
Their insecurity causes problems in the relationship because they often view their partner’s independence as a threat.
For example, if a partner is spending time with their friends or other people, they view this as a lack of care or abandonment, and become despondent or passive-aggressive.
Unfortunately, they tend to confuse a toxic relationship with passion.
Rejection-Avoidance
A person with a dismissive and avoidant attachment style tends to be emotionally unavailable in a relationship.
They usually seem self-sufficient and independent and often avoid intimacy.
They are self-focused and seek solitude, have difficulty being vulnerable and often look and act untroubled by things going on in their relationship.
Even after their partner hurts them or leaves them, they tend to withhold emotions, which does nothing but suppress their unexpressed feelings. In other words, they are emotionally closed off.
This type has few real relationships in their life as a result of their avoidant and dismissive attachment style.
“I don’t care” is their motto, although this is often untrue as complete independence is an illusion.
Every human being longs for real and meaningful relationships; Even if you are an introvert who doesn’t like crowds, it is essential to have a good connection with others.
Fear and avoidance
A person with this type of attachment style has a mixed approach. They fear being too close or too far from their partner and usually find it difficult to understand their feelings.
Their inability to understand their emotions makes them feel overwhelmed, which makes things more complicated and sometimes poses a problem with their mental health.
They want to be close to the other person but at the same time, they are afraid of getting hurt.
When they are hurt, they tend to cling, while at other times, they feel afraid of intimacy and withdraw. In other words, they are confused about how to meet their needs.
This is followed by many ups and downs with the partner, leading to an unstable and sometimes abusive relationship.
Signs of an unhealthy emotional attachment
We can all agree that no relationship is perfect, and there is always the occasional argument or issue that needs to be resolved. However, there are several red flags that should be highlighted.
A healthy romantic relationship should not support the following behaviors, because they are signs of an unhealthy attachment:
The need for constant reassurance
It is natural for humans to care about how others, especially their loved ones, view them.
However, if we do this constantly, it is a sign of anxiety.
‘Do you love me? Why won’t you tell me you love me? How much do you love me? are you sure about that?’ Questions like these are just some examples of clingy behavior.
In addition, the need for other types of affection such as kissing and hugging is often overemphasized.
This type of behavior overwhelms the other person and pushes them away. It puts so much pressure on one person, it can’t fill the other person’s emotional hunger.
The solution to this problem is to confront the unresolved internal conflict. Instead of clinging to a partner for reassurance, a person needs to learn how to address their own issues.
We will never be fully satisfied unless we learn to respect ourselves and realize our self-worth. When you know your self-worth, you don’t need the approval of others.
This doesn’t necessarily mean that you don’t care about their opinions but that you already know what is best for you and what you are capable of.
obsessive love
Obsessive love is an intense infatuation usually accompanied by delusional jealousy and controlling behavior (not to be confused with normal feelings of infatuation for a new relationship).
It is a love that never matures enough to achieve a healthy emotional connection. Instead, it almost becomes a personality disorder.
What makes matters worse is the fact that obsessive love is romanticized in popular culture through books and movies.
Some unhealthy behaviors are normalized and problematic associations in adults are excused.
Unfortunately, obsessive love is seen as something to be praised when in reality it is just toxic behavior.
Some warning signs of obsessive love are obsessive thinking about the object of desire, intense interest in the object of one’s love, obsessive calls and text messages, trust issues, excessive joy and comfort when it comes to the object of love, and difficulty focusing on other things. And so on and so on.
Excessive worry about your partner’s feelings
Social psychology tells us how significant and impactful the presence of others in our lives is. It affects our thoughts, feelings and behavior.
That’s why many people worry about their appearance in the eyes of others, sometimes to the point of changing their lives and behavior to suit their partner’s needs.
The problem with this type of behavior is that we sacrifice our true selves, which ultimately leads us to feel miserable about ourselves and our relationship.
It also reflects low self-esteem and makes us feel unheard.
If we’re too worried or fearful about our partner’s reactions, especially when it comes to everyday things, we’ve likely fallen into the trap of unhealthy emotional behavior.
Another way this problem arises is when we feel responsible for other people’s feelings, so let me say this again:
You are not responsible for other people’s feelings. This is exactly what keeps us in a difficult relationship. Believing that everything bad that happens is our fault hurts our self-esteem.
Avoid intimacy
In order to have a close relationship, two people need to acknowledge each other’s feelings and work toward mutual contentment.
This means constant care, support, trust and vulnerability. There is no true intimacy without vulnerability.
The fear of sharing a close emotional connection is the fear of intimacy, the most important thing between romantic partners.
There are many reasons for this fear, including difficult childhood experiences, history of abuse and many others.
Intimacy is the ability to share yourself with another person, and we can do this in different ways.
For example, the intellectual way (sharing thoughts and opinions), the emotional way (sharing deep feelings), the sexual way (sharing physical intimacy), and the experiential way (sharing experiences).
Different types of emotional attachment
When we hear the term emotional attachment, we usually think of attachment to people, i.e. life partners, children, family members, and friends. But there are many other types such as:
Attachment to material things
Do you face difficulty when some of your material possessions break down or when you need to give them away? Have you ever asked yourself why?
The truth is that we are attached to material things. If we weren’t, why would we buy unnecessary things in the first place?
Almost every major purchase is emotional.
Think about if you left your phone alone for a few days; I’m sure you’ll miss it and feel a certain amount of frustration at times.
Of course, it is normal to enjoy material things but we must realize that they are all replaceable.
There is an idea that the less connected we are, the happier we are. Everything in life is fleeting, so learning to let go is a useful skill.
Attachment to habits
Unlike people and things, we relate to habits. The easiest way to notice this is to see people who smoke, overeat, are obsessed with exercise, etc.
It is possible to have healthy habits but it is easier to have unhealthy ones. That’s why, in order to get rid of this habit, one needs willpower and discipline.
Attachment to places
For many people, changing their environment is a nightmare.
They are overly attached to certain places; For example, their home city or family home, and sometimes, even when they are most in need of change.
Rejecting change when it is in our best interest is a big sign of unhealthy emotional attachment because it stops progress and growth.
Attachment to memories
Dwelling on things that happened in the past is another type of attachment. There is no point in daydreaming or crying about things that have already happened because we cannot change them.
What we can do is focus on the things we can do now and do our best.
How to break the unhealthy cycle
While emotional attachment is normal and expected to feel, sometimes it gets out of control.
In order to maintain our emotional balance and personal freedom, we need to disconnect from things that no longer serve us.
how to do that? First, it’s a good idea to work on your self-esteem. It is essential to feel comfortable with yourself before anyone else so that you can experience happiness, freedom, and emotional balance.
Second, it’s good to find new things to focus on.
Don’t depend on others to make you feel good; Find out how to do it yourself. Engage in things that make you less stressed. Make new friends and try new things.
Don’t think of yourself as someone who needs something or someone else to feel satisfied, because you are already perfect.
Don’t forget that you have the power to change your life every day, starting today.
“Renew, release, let go. Yesterday is gone. There’s nothing you can do to bring it back. You can’t do something. You can only do something. Renew yourself. Release that attachment. Today is a new day!” -Steve Maraboli
