A volatile relationship is one with constant emotional highs and lows.
It’s the kind of relationship where you can’t predict what will happen next. You can’t predict the swings between connection-filled highs and disconnection-fueled lows.
It’s like a roller coaster, but not as much fun as you remember when you were a kid.
How does this kind of relationship happen?
A relationship like this occurs because partners have difficulty expressing and learning how to control their emotions. They get upset easily and experience different moods alternately.
The problem is not necessarily the expression of feelings, but the way they do it. When they feel upset, they don’t back down. All emotions are heightened, creating drama.
Dramatic is probably how most people describe the relationship.
This behavior can be caused by many things.
Sometimes it is because of the way a person was raised – for example, an unstable parental relationship, which the person continues to emulate later in life.
Why does this happen?
Family is our first interaction with people. It is our first model of relationship. Naturally, this is how we continue to see other relationships in our lives.
If we grow up believing that fighting is normal and everyday, it is not surprising that we will imitate this behavior for want of knowing anything else.
How can a child know a different way to communicate if they have never tried it before?
Not only that, but why should it be weird when the same child repeats similar behavior? We all crave familiarity, even when it’s bad.
We are drawn to what our experience is like. It’s a subconscious thing.
That’s why destructive behavior creates more destructive behavior, and healthy relationships lead to healthy relationships.
What can be done to escape the same scenario over and over again?
The best thing a person can do is to make his patterns of behavior and thoughts conscious.
When the roots of a problem are understood, we have the power to change it.
It’s not easy because humans have an addictive nature, but it’s 100 percent possible.
What do I mean when I say addictive nature?
We like routine. We like feeling safe and knowing exactly what’s coming next. Not only that, but our body makes us repeat the same behavior: Did you know that a person can literally become addicted to stress?
The release of the fight-or-flight hormone (cortisol) can become addictive, just like anything else.
The constant ups and downs are also addictive. The problem is that if we do not break the cycle, we will not be able to have a normal relationship.
In order to have a healthy relationship, we must have strong trust and emotional connection with our partner.
If we don’t have these things, uncertainty is what will ultimately kill the relationship.
One of the most common problems in volatile romantic relationships is the fact that neither partner knows whether the other person loves them or not.
This doesn’t have to be anyone’s fault. Maybe it’s just a case of different love languages.
Okay, but what does that mean?
If you constantly misunderstand your partner but neither of you has bad intentions – perhaps you express love differently.
For example, your partner values kind words more than receiving gifts, while you value them when it’s the other way around.
There are five main types of love language and they include words of affirmation, quality time, receiving gifts, acts of service, and physical touch.
It is very helpful to recognize and communicate your partner’s preferred love language.
Otherwise, in psychology, there is attachment theory that can be applied to adult relationships.
Different attachment styles say a lot about a person and the way they behave in a relationship.
The four types of attachment include secure, anxious-avoidant, avoidant-avoidant, and fearful-avoidant.
A secure attachment style is a style with a positive outlook on oneself and others. For people with a secure style, it is relatively easy to connect with others and form stable relationships. This is the perfect kind of relationship.
The anxious-preoccupied style seeks high levels of intimacy and approval, but the individual becomes overly dependent on the attachment figure.
The denial and avoidance style involves a need for a high level of independence that appears to others as an attempt to avoid attachment, which causes problems.
The fearful-avoidant type is characterized by a desire to get close to others but has difficulty trusting others, which is often a result of past trauma.
Every community, including partnerships (especially romantic relationships), is based on mutual support. This is exactly what we need.
The roller coaster ride prolongs our needs not being met rather than meeting them through supportive behavior.
Relationship dynamics tell a lot about our mental health. As mentioned earlier, the volatility of emotions means uncertainty.
Uncertainty means doubt, insecurity, lack of self-esteem, and feelings of loss.
This type of mental environment creates a problem with mental problems and perpetuates negative emotions.
Stable relationships experience different but not frequent emotional states.
However, even when this happens, the key is to solve the current problem and not blame each other as is the case in most unstable relationships.
Trust and commitment are what is necessary for a successful relationship.
Commitment means actively working on relationships and making an effort to keep them healthy and balanced.
How does a volatile relationship affect you?
This type of relationship requires a lot of energy. This means that there is not enough energy for other things in life.
A relationship should be a safe place that allows us to do everything else in life more easily, but in this case, that’s what makes everything else more complicated.
Switching between happy and sad states leads to frustration and exhaustion. In some cases, it consumes people so much, they have no life other than relationship problems.
Loving life is a big part of life, but it shouldn’t be the only part. Everyone needs time for their personal interests, friends, family and work.
Unfortunately, people often confuse an unstable relationship with passion. These images have become more popular through popular culture.
There are many examples of toxic relationships presented as passion.
Lying, cheating, blaming, slandering, manipulating – it all goes under the radar.
As long as there is physical attraction, exaggerated gestures, and the occasional cute line, we are willing to forget all the bad.
That’s not how it works in real life. Real life is full of unpleasant situations that cannot be fixed with one line.
Every time we normalize this type of behavior, we take a step back.
No relationship should make us feel miserable and insecure.
We are allowed to end a relationship that reduces the quality of our lives and does not allow us to grow.
However, sometimes, problematic relationships become the norm, usually because of the exciting and emotional part of the relationship.
That doesn’t mean they’re not often overwhelming.
How to deal with it?
Not every rollercoaster relationship is doomed to failure.
Problems do not mean lack of love. These spikes are not fake, they are just inconsistent.
Through committed understanding, it is possible to achieve a stable relationship.
Talking about problems and listening to your partner can achieve a lot. This includes being honest with yourself as well.
By becoming more aware of recurring patterns, we are less likely to continue doing them.
It is important to never underestimate the power of dedication and strong will. Devotion with love can do wonders.
Implementing the following things into your life will dramatically improve any relationship (especially an emotionally charged one):
- Patience
Emotionally charged relationships are full of situations when someone gets mad and throws a fit over some issue that maybe isn’t one at all.
This may get on your nerves, but instead of joining them in a useless tantrum, stay calm and ask the right question.
Don’t be defensive. If they refuse to talk, wait until they calm down.
Patience is often overlooked, but it is an essential trait in relationships, especially long-term relationships.
Instead of proving something we want to communicate, it allows us to see what our partner wants to communicate, without judgement.
- Don’t compare
Don’t compare your relationship with other relationships. It’s easy to fall into this trap, especially in a world where social media dictates the rules.
Your relationship is unique and contains a unique set of good things as well as challenges. Comparison won’t do anything but make you feel bad and dissatisfied.
The truth is, everyone has problems – you can’t see them because they don’t show their problems openly. Life isn’t glamorous, no matter how much everyone wants it to be. it’s not like that.
Everyone has their own speed and that’s okay. Every relationship has its own pace too.
There’s no point in rushing things when there’s no real need other than to match something you’ve seen elsewhere.
- Be open
To truly understand someone, you have to understand their point of view. To understand another person’s point of view, you have to be open-minded – open and receptive to new ideas, arguments, and information.
Without this trait, we cannot truly solve problems due to our lack of perspective and understanding of all the contributing factors.
That’s why it’s important for a problematic relationship.
Being an extrovert is not necessarily easy as it can lead to confusion, and encountering something for the first time is always a challenge. However, it is very beneficial for relationships and life in general.
- Settlement
Compromise is something you can’t skip in a relationship – and you shouldn’t.
It’s just the reality of living with other people.
Compromise is generally understood as giving up something in order to reach an understanding with someone else. It is a mutual agreement on something.
It also means that we accept something that is less than our standards. This doesn’t have to be the end of the world.
I’m not saying you should compromise your boundaries — because that would be offensive — but making concessions in small, everyday situations is normal and positive.
Compromise is a sign that your relationship is more important to you than your ego.
For an easier agreement, it is a good idea to take a step back and see if the current problem has long-term consequences. If not, it’s easier to make a decision.
The other thing is to put yourself in other people’s shoes. Understand why your partner wants something completely different from you. What are their motivations and where do they come from?
- Don’t let the relationship define you
Complex relationships take up a lot of our time.
We forget other things in life. For example, we stop attending events or hanging out with our friends or coworkers.
Sometimes this behavior is caused by controlling or insecure partners, and that’s when you need to push boundaries.
If you always need to check with your partner before doing anything, you are either too dependent or a victim.
Think about whether you’re only doing the things you and your partner care about and ignoring everything else.
Do you ever take time to be alone? If so, how does that make you feel? Does staying single scare you and why?
Putting too much pressure on relationships is a big reason why they often fail.
Of course, your closest relationships are the first place you’ll come to for support and love, but no one is capable of being perfect 100% of the time.
Don’t let your relationship define your personality because in the end, you are an individual with your own dreams, goals, and ambitions. There is absolutely nothing wrong with following them.
If your relationship doesn’t allow you to do that, it’s a wrong relationship.
Don’t ignore the signs of a toxic relationship
Sometimes, what we think is a volatile relationship is actually a toxic relationship.
The first type of relationship can develop; It can change and grow.
On the other hand, a toxic relationship is almost impossible to change and causes serious damage to a person’s life.
This occurs when one partner seeks to control the other and is mentally or physically abusive.
Signs of a toxic relationship include constant disrespect, control issues, avoidance, feelings of entrapment, constant criticism, etc.
If you feel bad all the time, if you live in a constant feeling of fear and anxiety, you are probably in a toxic relationship.
If nothing is ever resolved, there is no point in trying to make the relationship work.
No matter how much you love this person, staying in an unhealthy relationship will do neither of you any good.
That’s why you shouldn’t ignore boundaries that have been crossed the first time you catch someone lying to you or cheating on you.
These things are big red flags.
In short, toxic relationships are bad for your health. There is no excuse for toxic behavior.
If you’re not getting anything that contributes to your self-esteem and energy, you’re probably in a one-sided relationship.
What do you do when you realize you are in a toxic relationship?
The harsh truth is that you cannot change your partner. But it is also a fact that you can change yourself anytime you want.
Don’t nurture bad behavior, set boundaries. This will likely cause a strong reaction from the abusive partner, but it must be done nonetheless
If there is nothing that can be done, leave the relationship.
How to find the perfect partner?
Everyone has an idea of the perfect relationship. If you feel dissatisfied with your relationship, and if you are unable to make it healthy and functional, then maybe it is time to move on.
This time think about what you want and don’t blindly end up in another dysfunctional relationship.
Pay attention to what you really like in others. Try to figure out what kind of relationship you want.
Spend time with people you admire, be open to trying new things, and know your values.
Also keep in mind that you can be happy and single, which is much better than being miserable in a relationship.
Don’t forget that every relationship, whether romantic or non-romantic, requires a lot of work. It’s never what you see in the movies.
Real relationships are full of awkward moments, confusion, triggers, and misunderstandings — and that’s completely normal.
There is no way we can learn and grow without difficulties. If there were no mistakes, we would not make progress in life.
Relationships are a great test of our maturity and personal growth. There’s no way you can fake something in a close relationship, which is why it’s so dynamic.
We usually build our personality based on the things we want to become. However, many people are not willing to put in the extra work necessary to achieve that perfect image they long for.
Dedication, patience, and understanding are everything when it comes to relationships, and that’s exactly what we often lack in volatile relationships.
Without these things, all we do is create another superficial relationship filled with frustration, feelings of hurt, anger, and shame.
Put your guard down and have a heart-to-heart conversation with the person you love. Talk about your biggest goals and values in life. Remind yourself what brought you together in the first place.
After defining the meaning, start talking about everyday things you can change to achieve this common goal.
Let each other breathe; Allow each other to make mistakes, and then learn to do better.
