No one can separate school and children. School is an indispensable part of every child’s life, so parents feel tremendous pressure to help their children succeed academically. They are so involved in helping their children overcome the educational rat race that they neglect their social development. Children can be socially anxious. But what causes social anxiety in children, and how should parents help them overcome it?

Definition of social anxiety

Social anxiety develops in social situations, especially if they are tense or embarrassing. It is a comprehensive definition that includes mood disorders, autism, eating and substance abuse disorders.

A person with social anxiety will find it difficult to look directly at others. They will also show fewer facial expressions and will not initiate or continue a conversation. Statistics indicate that about 90% of women suffer from social anxiety. In extreme cases, the fear is so debilitating that affected people cannot perform daily functions.

If adults have social concerns, children may have these concerns as well. Recent research reveals that about 1 in 20 American children and teens need help to cope with various forms of anxiety.

As with adults, genetic, environmental, biological, and societal factors contribute to social anxiety in children. Youngsters may also learn the behavior. We explore each of these reasons below.

What are the causes of social anxiety in children?

1. Genetic
   According to research, children who have relatives who have had social anxiety disorder are 2-6 times more likely to develop this disorder than their friends. We can attribute about a third of a person’s social anxiety disorder to genetics. Researchers have not yet found a specific genetic combination associated with social anxiety disorder, but they have discovered chromosomes associated with other disorders.
2. Environmental
   Environmental disturbances can affect children. If their parents have SAD, they are more likely to learn and develop the associated behaviors themselves, research shows.

Many children learn social anxiety through direct conditioning. They acquire a fear of bullies or public speaking because their peers ridicule or humiliate them. These children observe and learn behavior.

Parents inadvertently transmit information about social concerns to their children. If a mother is afraid of what others might say about her weight, she transmits this fear to her young. Lack of social exposure can lead to seasonal affective disorder as well.

3. Behavioral inhibition
   You probably know kids who get very excited when meeting someone new. They may inhibit social behavior in specific situations, for example. When someone talks to them in a harsh tone. Children who seek comfort from their parents for a range of reasons are more likely to develop seasonal affective disorder later in life, this study reveals.

4. Societal
   Some children develop seasonal affective disorder because they grow up in a collectivistic culture. The Japanese came up with the term Taijin Kyofusho, which refers to a person’s fear of not being able to conform to group standards. Fear of deviating from expected behavior can cause social anxiety.
5. Brain structure
   Researchers studied the human brain to see if there were differences in brain flow between people with social anxiety disorder and those without. They discovered that people with social anxiety disorder tend to have increased blood flow to the amygdala.

How to help children with social anxiety?
Social anxiety is debilitating because it prevents a person from developing a growth mindset. It makes them afraid to take risks or try anything new. Low self-esteem makes a child afraid of failure or making mistakes. They may also worry about disappointing others.

1. Communicate with your child
   The PACE method helps socially anxious children overcome their fears about social situations. PACE stands for playfulness, acceptance, curiosity and empathy. Demonstrating these behaviors helps the child understand that you are calm, relaxed, and in control. They will be more open to you helping them.

Playfulness shows the child that you are relaxed and outgoing. If the child says, “I don’t want to play with my dolls anymore. I’d rather play with you,” she says, “I want to play with you, too.”

Accepting children’s behavior shows them that they can come to you without fear of being ignored or judged. They will feel better equipped to deal with other concerns.

Curiosity helps you figure out the reason for your children’s behavior. Children will eventually tell you what they are worried about because concern indicates concern. Empathy shows children that you understand their needs. It helps them feel connected to you.

Overall, the PACE model helps children feel a sense of connection, a factor that helps children deal with the causes of social anxiety.

2. Education
   Your socially anxious kids should know what they’re going through, and you’re the best person to explain things to them. Tell them that anxiety is not bad in itself. This happens to keep people safe. Unlike animals, we don’t have to deal with immediate stressors, such as avoiding predators. This is all well and good, but it gives us time for long-term worries like how to say hello to friends.
3. Make preparations
   If you know your children suffer from social anxiety, isolate its causes. Make them prepared for situations that are likely to occur. Let them know what will happen in specific scenarios and how to respond.

For example, if you know that your children get anxious when Aunt Beth comes to visit, teach them how you are likely to act and, more importantly, how to respond to her. You can role-play scenarios or read to your children. Do anything to increase their comfort levels.

4. Focus on progress
   Don’t expect your child to be perfect if you aren’t always perfect. Perfectionism instills fear in children, especially those suffering from social phobia. Remind your children of the progress they have made. Let them know that everyone makes mistakes and that nothing should stop them from achieving their goals.
5. Learn when to step back and when to let go
   Sometimes, anxiety makes your socially anxious children more stressed than before. Leave them but stay close if they need you. If necessary, remove them from the situation to help them with coping skills before allowing them to return to it.
6. Teaching coping skills
   Another way to manage social anxiety in children is to educate them. Let your children learn a variety of coping mechanisms. For example, teach them how to utilize calm breathing. It slows down their sympathetic nervous systems and tells them they don’t have to use the fight or flight response.

Have them count five as they inhale and five more as they exhale. Doing so helps them connect with their surroundings.

7. Allow children to worry
   Give your children some time to worry when they encounter situations that trigger social anxiety. Doing this does not mean giving your child permission not to deal with their fears. Instead, give your children time to think of a solution to their concerns. Talk to them about how to handle worst-case scenarios.