Why do I hate myself? I have asked myself this question over and over again. So, I did some deep digging to find out. This is what I learned.

No matter who you are or what you do in life, you will get to a place where you hate yourself. I think this happens to all of us. This has happened to me many times, especially when I was young. And guess what, I have moments here and there where it creeps up to bite me again.

But now I know what to do when it happens.

“Why do I hate myself so much?”

If you have the opportunity to see your self-loathing in its true colors, you will be on your way to understanding why it exists in the first place.

The problem many of us have is that we cover it up, or deny that we hate ourselves. But we cannot continue to do this because it will completely destroy us in time. So getting to the root of the problem is the best solution.

1. Dysfunctional family dynamics
   One of the reasons you ask: “Why do I hate myself?” Because you have stored some things related to your family in the back of your mind. Revealing these truths, when you are ready to know, will be painful.

You either had a family that neglected you, or you had a family that suffocated you. In some cases, the family you were given considered you the black sheep. If you are the black sheep, it is easy to understand where self-loathing comes from.

2. Get lost in our ego
   Our ego didn’t exist when we were born, so we developed it as we grew up. Many of us developed a defective ego because it was tangled in a combination of low and high self-esteem. We learned how to survive, and sometimes we used people to get what we wanted. Come on, we’ve all been less than saintly sometimes.

When we treated others in unkind ways, we realized that our ego was to blame. Some of us have gotten stuck in this pattern of negative treatment that has led to us eventually hating ourselves. The more we hate ourselves, the worse we treat others, and so this pattern develops. This root can go back to our early adolescence.

3. Childhood trauma
   Yes, broken families cause some childhood trauma simply by neglect or suffocation. However, severe abuse in childhood, and not just by family members, may have spread thick roots throughout our lives and made us hate ourselves.

For years, I hated myself for being abused until someone finally convinced me it wasn’t my fault. If you’re wondering, “Why do I hate myself so much?”, look back to your childhood roots. Sometimes the nefarious can be hiding there.

4. Fake friends
   As you grow older, you will encounter what I call “fake people.” I try to stay away from them now. However, there was a time when I tried hard to make friends with people who I thought were popular or influential. This just hurt my self-esteem.

When these friends betrayed me, I couldn’t understand. I ended up hating myself and wondering what was wrong with me. You see, self-loathing comes quickly when dealing with fake friends. Be careful and guard your heart. Not every friend is really a friend at all.

5. Unhealthy intimate relationships
   One of the reasons we hate ourselves so much is because a relationship ended badly with a toxic person. Often times, we deal with someone who turns out to have a personality disorder. Narcissism and deception make us believe lies such as: “I am worthless,” “I am ugly,” and even “I will never amount to anything.”

This toxic person actually hates himself, and the only way he can feel better is to spread the disease and make others suffer too. Well, it could just be a root that needs to be cut from someone else who you thought loved you. Unfortunately, they didn’t.

6. Body shaming
   I’ve known many girls who developed low self-esteem simply because someone shamed them about their body. In case you don’t know, body shame is when a person feels bad for being too big or too small, among other physical differences. They are criticized or insulted horribly.

It’s a form of bullying, and I guess you could say that self-hatred comes from this bullying behavior. This too can have roots from childhood. Even children feel ashamed of their bodies every day.

It’s time to love yourself
Loving yourself may not be easy at first, especially if you’re still in a relationship with someone who brings you down just as quickly as you try to get back up again. The hatred you feel toward yourself may lead to self-harm. So, if so, staying away from this influence will change your life.

If the roots run deeper and extend back to childhood, learning to love yourself may take a little longer. One thing that worked for me was getting to know myself apart from any other influence. I had to train myself not to dwell on the trauma all the time, and to understand that what happened to me did not represent who I was.

Even the people in my family, even though they share genetic material, are still not me. I’m a good person. You are a good person too, and it is important that you realize this fact and appreciate the life you live. It’s time to stop asking, “Why do I hate myself?” and instead start asking, “How can I be a better person tomorrow?”