If you are always trying to help others at the expense of neglecting yourself, you may suffer from a savior complex.
Whether you admit it or not, you may have the impression that you are all-powerful. This means that you feel as if you can solve everyone’s problems and help them change their lives.
Although it is always nice to help others, you are not the solution to all their problems. This kind of belief can also attract toxic people into your life, so it’s not good to be this way.
Do you suffer from a savior complex?
Sometimes the rescue complex is difficult to recognize. This is because helping others is a positive thing to do. However, there are limits when you help others, because too much help enables them to continue the bad behavior.
This complex can also be linked to self-serving motives as well. So, here’s how to recognize when you or someone you know is being too helpful.
- You know what’s best
When someone has a problem, they usually just need to vent to someone else. If you have a complex of being too helpful, instead of listening, you’ll work too hard to solve the problem instead. You’ll attract people who want you to fix them when you start a habit like this.
Where you first attracted those who just wanted you to listen, you will now attract people who always need a fix. Your complex will become a full-time babysitting job. This is because you always seem to know what is best for them.
- You think you are better than the professionals
If a friend seems to need help, yes you should do whatever you can. But when your friend suffers from problems such as mental illness, you should not play the role of psychiatrist. Many of us have been guilty of this from time to time, and we do our best to understand and give the best advice, but we cannot be our friends’ saviors.
Professionals are not rescuers either, but they are educated to know what is best for those who need help. This type of behavior will attract those who are deeply ill, and are looking for someone to heal their deep trauma.
- You do all the work
If you’re in a relationship and you’re the only one who has a job, the only one who does the housework, and the only one who remembers most of your appointments, then I’m sorry, but you have a savior complex.
You have taken on the role of doing everything you can to make your partner happy and prevent him from being upset with you. You can’t do this. This is where enablement begins and becomes a thorn that is difficult to remove.
- You don’t take care of yourself
Having a savior complex often involves putting your partner first all the time. It also means putting you last. When you put yourself last all the time, you give up on your appearance and other responsibilities, and you lose touch with others as well.
Being a friend’s savior sometimes means not being there enough for yourself, you see. If you’re wondering why you don’t seem as energetic and happy as you used to, it may be because you’re helping others too much.
- You think they can’t succeed without you
At some point, while getting to know your friend or partner, you came to the conclusion that they couldn’t make it without you. They always seem helpless and see you as their knight in shining armor. You accept this as a good thing, but it’s not.
It’s another way they enable their behavior, and every time you try to break free, you can’t stop checking on them again. This usually happens when they are having a bad day. So, you have to come back into their lives because they can’t go on without you.
- You help those who do not respect you
When you have a complex to help others, you sometimes choose people who don’t care about your well-being. You see that helping them is your job, but they hardly notice that you need help sometimes too.
They are using you for every bit of energy they can get. You allow them to do so, and see yourself as an important aspect of their lives. It’s really fake.
- You are only happy when you help
Some people are only happy if they are helping someone, especially a romantic partner. Have you noticed that when your partner says they don’t need help, it makes you feel useless? This is not normal.
You should be able to feel happy whether you are helping someone or not. Putting your happiness in the hands of someone who always needs help is extremely toxic behavior on both ends.
- You blame yourself for failure
If something happens, you try to help, and it doesn’t work. Therefore, you will blame yourself first. You’ll be asked questions like: “Did I say the right words to help them?”, or “What did I do wrong?”
The truth is that even though you try to help others, they must also help themselves. Don’t be miserable thinking that every failure to help someone is your fault. It all comes with the complicated choice to help others.
- You handle their schedules for them
You should never know more about your friend’s schedule than your own. When they cannot take responsibility, it shows their level of concern for their future.
Interfering and controlling your boyfriend’s schedule may seem great, but he is taking advantage of you. You are not their savior, and once you stop continuing to take on their responsibilities, they will learn that they can do it on their own.
- Your conversations are questions
When you play rescuer with a friend, every phone call turns into a series of questions, as if you were interviewing someone for a job. Instead of sharing fun experiences with them, you ask them about their health, eating habits, and even if they’ve been out of the house recently.
If someone you care about is suffering from mental illness, for example, you can call them and ask all kinds of questions about their moods, activities, and even medications. You have to remember that you are a friend, not their doctor.
Conversations are better when you can have positive conversations and share ideas. Let’s leave the medical aspects, for the most part, to the specialists.
