How do you recognize a toxic relationship? Most of the time, we don’t realize this until it’s too late. Manipulators are smooth and engaging speakers. They love to bomb or magic their way into our lives. Once we invest in the relationship, they show their true identity. So, what should we look for? The things toxic partners say fall into four categories:
blame,
Cash,
mind manipulation,
Guilt tripping.
15 Things Toxic Partners Say
blame
“Look what you made me do.”
Physically abusive partners say this to avoid responsibility for their actions. It’s your fault they slapped you because you were looking at that girl in the store. They punched you because you left the house in disarray.
The things toxic partners say are often about blame. It allows them to justify their behavior.
“It’s your fault I’m like this.”
Toxic partners say things like this to avoid their abusive behavior. They put the burden on you and what you do.
For example, if you’re not a flirt, they won’t be jealous. Or, if you don’t ruin dinner every night, they won’t have to complain. Avoiding responsibility by blaming yourself makes you doubt yourself.
“You know how I was when you met me.”
Controlling partners often say things like this to justify their behavior. They will tell you that they are too old to change and you should accept them as they are. Whether they are emotionally or physically abusive, they can’t change, and you shouldn’t ask them.
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Again, this is your fault and a way to get away with toxic behavior.
“Why do you make it so hard to love you?”
A toxic partner wants to keep you in the relationship but doesn’t love you. So, they portray you as a difficult person who takes a toll on your love. You are so unlovable. Your partner is a superhero for putting up with you. Why can’t you do better, be better?
Naturally, this is a controlling tactic to undermine your self-confidence. If this person really thinks you’re bad, they won’t stay.
Cash
“Oh my god, you’re so stupid.”
The things toxic partners say often involve criticism of some kind.
At the end of my relationship with a coercive controlling partner, I remember him telling me I was “ugly.” Why would a person want to be in a relationship if they think so? Degrading language and criticism lower your self-esteem, making it less likely that you will have the confidence to leave the relationship.
“Are you going to ruin another day?”
Not empathizing with someone’s weaknesses is a clear sign of toxic behavior. Abusers will use your problem as a weapon and use it against you. Toxic partners achieve two things with such statements. They insult you and increase your anxiety.
Will you piss them off the next time your social anxiety makes it difficult for you to accept that invitation? Will they become moody because you don’t like driving long distances and there’s a flight coming up soon? You live in a state of constant anxiety.
“No one else will put up with you.”
As far as toxic partners go, this is a classic phrase used by manipulators. It elevates their status as the always-suffering partner, while demoting you as the problematic partner. Other examples include:
“You’re lucky I’m still here.”
“If it weren’t for me, you’d be alone”
“You owe me everything I had to endure.”
Abusers cannot control what goes on around you, but they can influence your opinion of yourself.
“I’m the only one who understands you.”
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You are so terrible that you will never find another partner, and you should feel grateful to be in this relationship. This is an isolation tactic used to ensure that you only depend on the person who abused you. There’s nowhere else to go.
“You’d be nothing without me.”
Toxic partners say things like this to undermine your self-confidence. They make you believe that you are useless and won’t be able to cope without them.
The preferred method is to target your weaknesses and blow them out of proportion. This reduces your self-esteem until you eventually become dependent on your partner.
Mind manipulation
“you are crazy.”
Gaslighting is a technique used to mess with your mind. The abuser will do or say something and then deny that it happened. “I never said that” or “I wasn’t even there” are typical things a toxic partner says. Then they will claim that you are misinterpreting their actions.
You question your judgement. Maybe it didn’t happen the way I remembered. Did you imagine it all the time?
“Calm down, it was just a joke.”
Sometimes the things toxic partners say are disguised as jokes. Manipulators hide harsh words and barbed comments in jokes. When you become upset or question this remark, you are asked to stop being so sensitive, or you are told that you cannot take a joke.
As a result, you doubt yourself. Maybe you are too sensitive. Maybe you should lighten up a little. whats your problem? You are now afraid to overreact, and keep your feelings to yourself.
“it’s no big deal.”
This is a tactic similar to “It’s just a joke.” Your feelings are invalidated. Why did you have to make such a big deal out of this situation? You always mess things up. I never had this problem with my ex, and so it continues. It makes you feel as if you are the problem when the opposite is true.
Guilt tripping
“If you really love me…”
My ex-boyfriend once told me: “If you really loved me, you would stop going to evening classes.” He was jealous that I was mingling with other students who had common interests. He thought that someone who shared my passion would sweep me off my feet.
Related : 10 Things Manipulators Say to Make You Feel Guilty
At first I calmed him down. It was the beginning of our relationship and I didn’t understand the manipulation. However, he started to frown and give me the silent treatment every time I attended classes. I soon learned that it was easier to continue my studies than to continue.
“You owe me after everything I’ve done for you.”
A toxic partner says things like “You owe me” to keep the relationship going. The point is that they have done so much for you that they can control you. They make you feel ungrateful and guilty. They may have done a lot for you in the past, but this is considered guilt. It makes you indebted to that person.
“I’m only like this because I love you so much.”
This is how some manipulators justify toxic behavior, such as jealousy and control. Their love for you is so overwhelming that it makes them say toxic things.
Maybe they called you a whore wearing that dress or slapped you in front of your friends because you smiled at the servant. They will excuse their behavior because they have your best interests at heart.
They only want what’s best for you or to keep you from looking foolish. It all comes back to love. They can’t help the toxic things they say because they love you so much.
Toxic partners say things like this after they’ve done something abusive or controlling. It is another avoidance technique to shirk responsibility for their actions.
