How to Strengthen Boundaries Against Toxic People in Your Life
There is no shortage of toxic people, it is an epidemic: people who do not take responsibility for their own energy or self-development, people who are addicted to drama and conflict as ‘paying off’, and worse, at the extreme end are narcissistic and sociopaths. These are restless individuals (predatory personalities) who consciously and maliciously fuel the emotional charge and chaos that they themselves create. A living nightmare for those of us who are highly sensitive and especially empathetic ones who have a very porous nature and have a strong tendency to support and help others.
Without strong boundaries in place (which come from constantly speaking our truth and saying no) we are an easy target to take advantage of.
We must work actively to protect and strengthen our borders against those who lack empathy and conscience. These individuals are also driven by misogynistic behavior because their main weapon of choice is emotional manipulation—the subtle violence, abuse, and oppression of our female existence. They come in the form of covert and overt bullies, and they can be friends, family, partners, bosses, co-workers, and even strangers.
For some of us who are empathetic and highly sensitive people, our lifelong job is to practice identifying our own needs rather than satisfying the needs of others by default. We can call this our warrior training! Only we can create awareness about our limits and take an active stance in identifying healthy people in every interaction!
The antidote is to develop strong boundaries through the practice of holistic self-care.
This is not about self-love and healing. For us sympathizers, it’s all about survival!
Among the sensitive women I had the privilege of coaching, relationship trauma was the root cause of their problems. The key element was the issues with creating and supporting borders! The work revolves primarily around the second chakra (intimacy and communication), the third (personal strength and confidence), the fourth (self-love and often undigested sadness) and the fifth chakras (speaking our truth – especially to people with toxic behaviors stemming from patriarchy) and misogyny. ).
In yoga, medicine starts with the soul first.
The questions to ask ourselves are: Where do I need limits in my behavior and actions? Whether this is about the food we consume or the harsh words we say to ourselves, it is the way we treat ourselves, and what we eat, that teaches others how to behave with us. (We all know this fact! But reminder and encouragement are needed forever because we are always in action!) The inner work should be as much concerned with the external work. This does not prevent toxic energies from entering our personal sphere, but it builds awareness and resilience to confront them and take the right actions towards them.
Consciously choose people who are Satva-dominated in nature – those who are pure in heart and have good intentions for you. Trust your intuition and ask yourself what do I need to feel secure in your relationship with others?
Remember, I am here to support the path of your warrior, to help you trust your inner wisdom and to awaken your mighty roar!
Here are 5 quotes to encourage you to establish and reinforce boundaries against toxic people
1) When you notice someone doing something toxic the first time, don’t wait a second time before treating or cutting it. Many survivors are accustomed to a “wait and see” approach that only leaves them vulnerable to a second attack. The stronger your limits become, the shorter the waiting time. You never have to justify your intuition.
Shahida Arabic
2) True empathy is having boundaries and holding others accountable.
Brené Brown
3) I believe you take the action, and then the insight follows – I do loving things for me, I pat my shoulders, I put myself into a short nap, and the insight follows: I am a precious wild woman, just a human being, said E. Which. Cummings deserves respect, tenderness, protection, joy, and solidarity.
Anne Lamott
4) Meditation will be one of the most powerful tools in your self-care toolkit because it is something you can do for the rest of your life, on your own, at any time, for any length of time, and at no cost.
Shahida Arabic
5) Once you start talking, people will yell at you. They will interrupt, put you down, and suggest that it’s personal. And the world will not end. It will become easier and easier to talk. And you’ll find that you’ve fallen in love with your vision, which you probably never even realized. And you’ll lose some friends and lovers, and realize you don’t miss them. And new people will find and love you. And you’ll still be flirting, painting, dressing, and partying, because, I think, Emma Goldman said, “If I can’t dance, I don’t want to be part of your revolution.” And finally you, “I will know beyond certainty that only one thing is more frightening than telling the truth. And that does not speak.”
