Toxic people are a pain in the ass to deal with. We all know that.

But narcissists?

They are downright dangerous!

Spend too much time with them and they can easily break you without you knowing, so be careful.

If you are unlucky enough to have to live or work with a narcissist, it is important to know how to protect yourself.

So how do you actually do that?

Okay, let’s move on to psychology.

Below are psychology-backed techniques for dealing with a narcissist.

1) Change the way you see them
Dr. Ramani Durvasula, a clinical psychologist who specializes in narcissism, suggests a technique that can protect you from the destructive behaviors of narcissists.

It is called firewall technology.

It encourages you to do more than just shake the person in question. Because, unfortunately, there are times when we have to tolerate and interact with narcissists, and we can’t just isolate them!

What you’re suggesting is treating narcissists as if they were malware. That’s right, a virus.

This means that you:

Don’t try to give them the benefit of the doubt, it’s malware!
Don’t try to be their hero. You can’t “fix” it or “change it for the better.”
De-prioritize them in your life.
Start imagining a future without them.
Don’t invest in a relationship with them hoping they will get better. Don’t spend more time with them.
Protect yourself from them. Do not trust them with your secrets.
This won’t be easy, especially if he’s someone important to you.

And there’s nothing wrong with hoping that they will eventually change one day.

But stay on the safe side. Make your expectations realistic. If they haven’t done anything to improve for years now, they are unlikely to change in a month or two.

Once you distance yourself from them, you will find that your inner peace will improve dramatically.

2) Do not interfere, do not defend, and do not take their words personally
Narcs thrive on conflict and drama.

For this reason, Dr. Ramani Durvasula suggests that, as much as possible, we should do our best not to get involved, defensive, or take things personally.

Always remember that narcissists love to provoke others so they can use manipulation techniques like guilt and love bombing to get what they want.

So if they say something exciting, don’t react.

If they try to blame you for anything, simply say, “I understand how you feel” instead of, “How dare you? What made you say that?!”
Keep negative interactions short and sweet.
Don’t explain yourself.
Don’t play their game.
Remember: If you let their sarcasm get the best of you, if you lose your temper and start getting upset or defensive about the things they say, then they’re winning.

Although it may be tempting to argue with them because of how blatantly wrong or mean they are, you will only be wasting your time and energy.

The best move you can take is to walk away and refuse to engage with them until you have calmed down and are in a better state to ignore their attempts to provoke you.

3) Be firm in your decisions before you approach them
Narcissists are very good at manipulating people.

If you’re not completely sure of your decisions, they can easily convince you to change your mind and give them what they want if you let them blather on long enough.

One powerful piece of advice I received was from Suraji Wajaj, PhD, MD, a licensed clinical psychologist and co-founder and director of the Center for Cognitive Behavioral Therapy and Mindfulness.

He suggested that if you are going to negotiate or make decisions with a narcissist, make sure you have made up your mind before you approach them.

Think about what you want and stick to it.
Write it down to make sure you remember it.
It helps to practice what you want to say in front of the mirror.
Be mentally prepared for their emotional manipulation – stress yourself out.
By doing these things, you can ensure that you will not be easily influenced by their manipulative statements and emotional meltdowns.

4) Stop being the source of “narcissistic supply”

Psychoanalyst Otto Fenichel coined the term “narcissistic supply,” which means an excessive need for attention and admiration that does not take into account the feelings and preferences of others.

Narcs will extract their narcissistic stock from people who depend on them, i.e. those who love them and those who can control or abuse them.

And it’s not just a simple question, “Do I look good?” or “Am I good enough?” They may go so far as to hurt others to make them feel superior and needed.

So what can you do?

Identify the things they say when they want you to feel bad for them.
Don’t be afraid to disengage when they try to drag you into personal drama.
Learn how to catch them when they start pressuring you to praise or comfort them.
If they’re really pushing it, just give them the bare minimum. Say “That’s great” instead of “I really like the way you look like Angelina Jolie.”
5) Use reverse psychology to shock them
Dana Arcuri, certified trauma recovery coach and author, has a clever way to disarm a narcissist: by doing the opposite of what they expect!

In the second half of this video, she explains how shocking the narcissist almost always works.

Her narcissistic mother shamed her by saying that her buttocks and thighs looked huge.

How did you deal with it?

Well, with humor. Instead of being dramatic about it like lecturing her on how not to shame people or move out of her house, she laughed it off.

“Mom, but the boys love it!” she said, and laughed like a teenager.

Her mother, of course, doesn’t like the feeling that her comment didn’t affect her, but she can’t say anything about it! After all, having a sense of humor isn’t a bad thing.

When narcissists don’t get what they want from you, they will start to lose interest and leave you (generally).

6) Let them “make their own way.”
Narcissists thrive on the idea of hard-won victory.

It makes them feel like they actually deserve their “win.”

The best way to do something about it is to let them get their win effortlessly.

If they decide to “argue” you about something, just say “I don’t have time to argue” or “I agree to disagree” even if you know they are wrong or mean.

They’ll likely try to get you to do business with them anyway, but ignore that.

What you want is to deny them the satisfaction of winning a “hard-won” debate.

It will leave them unsatisfied.

7) Set boundaries (and make sure you follow them)
And you have to mean it!

Not only can you set boundaries, you can give her the consequences you set. This will make them think that you are just empty threats.

So think about the consequences you want to set.

Would you block them on social media if they kept making passive-aggressive posts that were clearly meant for you? Then make sure you can actually do it.

Would you leave your narcissistic parents’ home if they continued to control your life? Then make sure you can actually do it.

Make sure the consequences align with the boundaries you set, and implement them.

In a way, dealing with a narcissist is almost like dealing with a child. You have to keep your word because not doing so will make them insult you more.

8) Heal yourself

Even if you are aware of what narcissists are like and what they do to the people around them, being in their company for too long can take a toll on you.

You will begin to doubt yourself and become convinced that maybe they are right all along, for example.

It would be even worse if you spent all this time together and only recently learned what narcissism is – or worse, they raised you.

So think about it.

Remind yourself that not everything is your fault.
Remind yourself that you have value.
Remind yourself that it’s okay to be “selfish” every now and then.
Listen to other people who have experiences with narcissists and try to understand what you both have in common.
You need to heal, even if you think there is nothing to heal because being with a narcissist has profound, long-lasting effects.

9) Reclaim your personal power
Narcs are all about control.

It should come as no surprise that they will go after those who seem “easy” to control – such as abuse survivors, people with low self-esteem, the poor, and those who suffer from emotional overload.

the solution?

Reclaim your personal power.

Deny them control over you!

Here’s what you should do:

Identify where and how you depend on them, and work on being more independent there.
Be emotionally and mentally prepared to cut them out of your life, even while they are there.
Remind yourself of the things you do

Follow your dreams and interests.
Doing these things will show the narcissist that you are the center of your life, and that you are not afraid to cut him off if he continues to drag you down.

finalthoughts

Narcissists are not necessarily evil, and it would be wrong to treat them as such. NPD is a disorder, after all.

They can’t help it – their minds are wired that way, and it takes a lot of effort to do something about it.

But at the same time, this does not mean that you will allow them to ruin your life and damage your self-esteem.

So don’t feel guilty.

The best way to deal with drugs is to cut them off without antagonizing them.

The second best way is to be aware of what they are doing and then take the necessary steps to make it as annoying as possible for them to manipulate you.