We all know that narcissists are capable of punishing you. All it takes is one wrong move.

In fact…punishment is one of the most powerful forms of control, combined with a gradual approach to destroying your character.

They think you’re criticizing? They punish.

They think you’re not listening? They punish.

You express a need? They punish.

You try to offer feedback? They punish.

There’s always punishment at the narcissist’s fingertips—so what are the top 9 ways they can do it?

1 Withholding

Lack of communication

The painful silent treatment

Refusing to help

Ignoring

Short answers (or no answers at all)

Not giving you enough affection.

From the outside, it seems like a peaceful way to live with a narcissist, right? No need to worry about conflict or loud noises.

In reality, when you’re in this situation, it’s uncomfortable and intense, and it’s only made worse by the fact that other people in the house, like your children, may notice it, too.

For narcissists, withholding attention is a game.

Related : The Reasons Narcissists “Get Weird” About Birthdays

You’re Not to Blame

Like everyone else, this type of punishment doesn’t come as a strong consequence of your negative behavior, but rather as a way to control and divert attention to them (“Are you okay? Did I do something wrong?” etc.).

No. Not again.

Don’t do it, don’t buy what they’re selling; don’t engage with them.

Chasing them is how you allow them to attack you.

2 Anger

Narcissistic rage is a bit of a spectrum. It can range from your usual behavior to full-on violence – and neither end of the scale should be ignored.

Anger punishments are imposed on the person caught in the narcissist’s trap to make them comply with what the narcissist demands. It can look like, “I’m in charge, you have to listen to me!” or “I won’t tolerate you pushing me to the point where this is my only option!”

If a narcissist is angry, they will attack, and yes, it can get scary. The noise is overwhelming and creates a mess that you have to clean up because they won’t.

Stay Safe

Safety plans are good if you’re around a narcissist who frequently resorts to displaying anger—so it’s best to have one for yourself if that’s the case.

Getting angry doesn’t get any easier. Eventually, it will start to get to you, and you’ll spend your life walking on eggshells.

3 Smear Campaigns

Narcissists sometimes don’t see themselves as capable of punishing you, so they recruit people into their army through smear campaigns.

Smear campaigns look like people you thought you knew and trusted turning their backs on you, stopping talking to you, and canceling plans they had with you, all because of a conversation with the narcissist that involved them spreading malicious and exaggerated lies about you.

Turning them against you is the sole reason smear campaigns are created, creating a depth of powerful punishment.

4 Public Humiliation

Public humiliations come quickly when you’re in the presence of a narcissist. This can be the result of something you said or did that they felt was out of line earlier in the day, and waiting for a moment for them to “pay back” for what they did can come in front of any audience—including people you know.

You probably don’t have the ability to make a fuss about it or correct them in front of everyone. They know they own you and will enjoy their moment of glory—at your expense.

You can’t win

Whether the humiliation is sharing gossip you’ve secretly shared with others or holding up the way you mispronounced a word and using it to trigger your insecurities, the consequences can be extremely humiliating.

5 Bragging about their “wonderful” new life in your face

Over time, you’ll see this as a form of relief because you don’t have to be around them anymore (trust me), but at first, when a narcissist brags about their new life in your face, it’s like, “Hey, look at all the amazing things I have now that you’re no longer in my life!”—hoping that you’ll believe it and feel bad.

They may get an unexpected new partner or find ways to show everyone that they make a lot more than you. If you have children, it can start to feel like a competition—but it’s up to you not to play the game.

This punishment does nothing but destroy your self-esteem and make you feel like a worthless ex-friend/partner.

Eventually – you’ll see the light.

6 Money is their most powerful weapon

Hey, what a nice gesture. The narcissist tells you that you can have or borrow some money. There may be no reason, other than to show you their value on paper.

What happens next is that you realize that their money was a way to set you up for punishment later.

You’re acting this way after they gave you this money?

After everything they’ve done for you recently.

You’re extremely ungrateful.

Yes – the money trap is common – and it’s a surefire way for a narcissist to punish you when you least expect it.

7 Nagging or Passive Aggression

Unlike the silent treatment, a narcissist can also find ways to nudge around you, putting their mood in your world so that you can shoulder some of their weight.

Punishment often also revolves around the passive-aggressive actions that a narcissist can initiate. Jokes at your expense that hurt you, and sarcastic comments while you’re watching them struggle to do something like put up a shelf.

They’ll walk away knowing they haven’t directly told you that you’re terrible, but their passive-aggressiveness leaves plenty of room for interpretation of their opinion of your abilities.

Watching you squirm is their hobby

Narcissists are also very adept at leaving things they know are important to you until the last minute. If either or both of you need to be somewhere, you can bet they’ll wait until the last minute before leaving — and they enjoy watching you squirm while they think you’ll be late.

8 Threat

Prepare for punishment by having the nagging feeling that something threatening is hovering over your head, like a quiet, dark day with a storm cloud in the sky.

Related : What To Do When a Narcissist Turns People Against You?

You can see them driving slowly past your house to spy on you or coming to where they know you’ll be. They can also create fake online accounts to try to get to you, and trap you.

The threats can feel like legal action – which can be terrifying to the person on the receiving end.

Threats are scary, and the narcissist wants to punish you by making you feel unsafe at times so that they can maintain control over you, even after the breakup.

9 “I told you so…!”

Narcissists wait for you to fall, so they can tell you, “I told you so!” once they see that you’re seemingly struggling.

They see it as a way to punish you for daring to try something without relying on them for support or help – and now they can brag that it didn’t work out.

Punishment like this is part of every relationship, because they constantly want to remind you that you can’t do anything, or be anyone, without them.

Of course, this isn’t true – but it goes against the narcissist’s cold nature to admit that you’re fine.