9 underhanded techniques narcissists use to undermine your confidence

There is a fine line between tough love and emotional manipulation. The latter is a favorite tool of narcissists.

Narcissists have a knack for shaking your self-confidence, and they do it so subtly, you may not even realize it’s happening.

They are masters at using deceptive techniques to make you doubt yourself, all while maintaining an air of innocence. It’s not about helping you get better, it’s about keeping you off balance.

In this article, I’m going to highlight 9 tactics that narcissists use to undermine your self-confidence. I will be your guide in discovering them, so you can stand strong and protect your self-esteem.

1) gaslighting

This is a favorite tactic among narcissists, and it’s as evil as it sounds.

Essentially, gaslighting involves making you question your reality. Narcissists do this by denying things they have said or done, or by twisting your words and actions to fit their narrative.

It’s like a psychological magic trick-you begin to question your memories, your judgment. You begin to believe their version of reality over yours.

It is an insidious technique that can slowly erode your self-confidence so that you guess every decision you make. Suddenly, you don’t trust yourself anymore.

Getting acquainted with this technique is the first step towards restoring your reality. If something doesn’t look right, it probably isn’t. Trust your instincts and stick to your truth.

2) constant criticism

I remember a time when I was constantly criticized for the smallest things.

The color of my shirt, the way I prepared a meal, even the way I did everything was under scrutiny. It was coming from someone I considered a close friend, someone whose opinion interested me.

At first, I ignored it, thinking they were just being honest. But then I realized that it was more than that. It was a constant stream of negativity designed to undermine my confidence.

This is another common technique used by narcissists. They will choose your flaws, real or imagined until you start to think that you are not good enough. It is a delicate and gradual process, but incredibly harmful.

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The key is to get to know him for who he is-an attempt to control you by making you feel small. Once you see that, you can start regaining your self-esteem and remember that criticizing them says more about them than it does about you.

3) love bombing

Narcissists have a knack for making you feel like the center of the universe. In the early stages of a relationship, they shower you with attention, compliments, and affection. This is referred to as love bombing.

It’s not a real emotion, though. It’s a calculated move to make you rely on it for validation.

Here’s an interesting thing: it’s a commonly used technique in sects for recruiting and controlling their members. The same principle applies to personal relationships with narcissists. They create an emotional dependency so that they are less likely to be challenged or left.

Recognizing love bombing can be difficult because it can be good to be admired and cherished. But remember, a healthy relationship involves mutual respect and understanding, not one person constantly seeking to check out the other.

4) silent treatment

Nothing can make you feel more rejected and unimportant than being silently treated by someone you care about.

Narcissists often use this tactic to punish you for perceived insults or disagreements.

It is a form of emotional manipulation that aims to make you feel guilty or anxious, eventually leading you to ask for their approval or forgiveness.

5) projection

Projection is a complex and difficult tactic that narcissists use to maintain control.

In simple terms, they project their insecurities and flaws onto you. If they feel guilty about something, they will accuse you of the same. It can be incredibly confusing and painful.

They try to distract attention from their shortcomings by shifting the focus to you. Such a shift can leave you constantly on the defensive, questioning your actions and intentions.

6) playing the victim

Narcissists have an uncanny ability to twist any situation so that they appear as victims, regardless of the actual circumstances.

It’s a heartbreaking tactic because it can make you feel like the bad guy even when you’re not. You may find yourself apologizing for things you didn’t do, or trying to make up for situations that weren’t your fault.

This is a manipulation strategy aimed at making you feel guilty and keeping you off balance. It’s a way for them to avoid responsibility and keep you in a state of self-doubt.

It’s not your job to fix someone else’s problems, especially when he refuses to admit his role in creating them. You deserve to be in relationships where there is mutual respect and accountability.

7) isolation

There was a time when I found myself increasingly isolated from my friends and family. Invitations to gatherings became less frequent, phone calls became shorter, and I felt more and more disconnected.

Looking back, I realize that it was a carefully orchestrated move by the narcissist in my life. They slowly but surely drove a wedge between me and my loved ones, making me more dependent on them for social interaction and emotional support.

Isolation is a classic tactic used by narcissists. By isolating you from others, they can exert more control and influence over you.

It is necessary to maintain your social relationships and reach out for support when you need it, because a loving partner or friend encourages your relationships with others, not hindering them.

8) triangulation

Narcissists are often experts at playing people against each other, a tactic known as triangulation.

They may bring a third party into a situation, either to verify their point of view or to undermine yours. It can be as subtle as casually mentioning how someone else agrees with them, or as blatant as comparing you unfavorably to someone else.

This technique is designed to create insecurity and doubt. It can make you feel like you compete for the narcissist’s approval, keeping you off balance and on the defensive.

9) invalidate your feelings

Perhaps the most harmless technique that narcissists use is to nullify your feelings.

They reject your emotions, underestimate your experiences, and underestimate your fears. They may tell you that you are hypersensitive, or that you are overreacting. They may even laugh at the serious issues you raise.

They often use this tactic to undermine your confidence in your perceptions and feelings. The question makes you your worth and can leave you feeling voiceless and insignificant.

If there is one thing you take away from this, let it be this: your feelings are true. Your experiences are real. You have the right to express yourself and be heard. Don’t let anyone make you feel otherwise.

Final thoughts: it’s about regaining control

Understanding the tactics used by narcissists is more than just an exploration of human behavior. It’s about regaining control of your life and your self-esteem.

The American Psychological Association defines self-esteem as”the degree to which the qualities and characteristics contained in the self-concept are perceived as positive”. When narcissists undermine this, they are stripping away our sense of self-worth.

Most importantly, their tactics reflect their insecurities and flaws, not yours. By getting to know these deceptive techniques for what they are, you can start rebuilding your self-confidence.

Know that you have the right to express your thoughts and feelings, set boundaries, and be treated with respect. Your experiences are valid. Your emotions are real. You are as adequate as you are.