As human beings, it is important to know our worth; and to feel valued and treated with respect.
Unfortunately, these qualities are often lacking when we are targeted by highly skilled manipulators.
Manipulation, a form of emotional abuse, is characterized by a person systematically exploiting another person’s vulnerabilities for their gain.
These manipulators are often skilled at identifying individuals who might be susceptible to their tactics.
Psychology suggests that certain traits make us more attractive to these manipulators. Recognizing these traits in ourselves can help protect us from falling into their traps.
Here is a summary of the traits that manipulators often look for in their victims, according to psychology.
1) Vulnerability
Vulnerability is not always about weakness or fragility. It can often simply mean being open, trusting, and emotionally available.
Unfortunately, manipulators exploit these characteristics in a person. They know that vulnerable people are more likely to trust others and less likely to question their motives.
You may find that they are quick to form close bonds with you, trying to gain your trust and affection quickly. This is often done by expressing deep understanding or empathy for your struggles and experiences.
They may also emphasize their weaknesses, portraying themselves as victims in an attempt to gain your sympathy. This may include sharing stories of past hardships or injustices they have faced.
Be aware of those who seem overly concerned with your issues or who try to form an emotional bond too quickly. Real relationships take time to build and cannot be rushed.
2) Low Self-Esteem
Self-esteem is a major factor that manipulators often exploit. They are quick to identify people who may lack confidence or have a poor self-image.
People with low self-esteem often question their worth and abilities. They are more likely to accept less than they deserve, making them ideal targets for manipulators.
Manipulators may start by showering you with compliments and attention, making you feel special.
However, once they gain your trust, they may turn to subtle criticism and negative comments, further eroding your self-esteem.
They may belittle your accomplishments or compare you unfavorably to others, making you feel inadequate. In doing so, they make you even more dependent on their approval and validation.
Be wary of anyone who seems overly critical or dismissive of your accomplishments and self-worth. Know your worth, and don’t let someone else define it for you.
3) Independence
It may seem surprising, but manipulators often seek out independent people. Those who are self-reliant and capable can be an attractive challenge to the manipulator.
Independent people are often seen as strong and resourceful, traits that manipulators find attractive as they can exploit this strength for their gain.
They may initially be drawn to the manipulator’s charisma or perceived vulnerability, believing that they can offer help or support. Manipulators, in turn, cleverly use this to their advantage.
They may play the victim, making you feel needed and valued for your ability to “save” them.
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Or they may exalt your independence, praising your strength while subtly undermining it in ways that make you dependent on them.
This shows us that even the most independent individuals can fall prey to manipulation tactics, which is why it’s important to maintain healthy boundaries and discuss motives that seem too good to be true.
4) Loneliness
It’s a grim reality, but manipulators often exploit loneliness. Those who feel lonely or isolated are often more susceptible to manipulation.
Lonely people are often desperate for connection and companionship, which manipulators can sense and exploit.
They may present themselves as the solution to your loneliness, promising you the companionship, understanding, and connection you’ve been craving.
They will likely make grand gestures to show their commitment and care for you. They will spend time with you, listen to you, and make you feel seen and heard.
However, their ultimate goal is often to deepen your dependence on them.
It’s a harsh reality, but it’s important to remember that not everyone who offers companionship has good intentions.
Always be wary of those who seem too eager to fill the void of loneliness in your life.
5) Kindness
There is a beautiful purity in those who have a kind and compassionate heart by nature. They have a genuine desire to help others and often put the needs of others before their own.
Unfortunately, manipulators may see this tendency as an opportunity.
Manipulators often take advantage of the kind nature of these individuals. They realize that people with a good heart are more likely to give them the benefit of the doubt and less likely to suspect that they are manipulating.
They may present themselves as someone who needs help, knowing that you are more likely to offer your support. They may take advantage of your willingness to compromise or your difficulty saying no.
It’s bittersweet, but remember that your kindness is a gift, and it should be protected from those who would abuse it.
6) Trust
Trust is the foundation of any healthy relationship, whether with friends, family, or partners. We all want to trust and be trusted in return.
However, this universal desire can be a playing field for manipulators.
Manipulators often seek out individuals who are naturally trusting. They know that these people are more likely to believe their good intentions and less likely to question their actions.
They will invest time and effort in gaining your trust. They may share secrets, offer unwavering support, or present themselves as reliable and trustworthy.
But once they’ve earned your trust, they use it to control and manipulate you.
It’s a very common scenario, but remember that trust is a two-way street. It must be earned and reciprocated.
Always trust your instincts and look for consistency in someone’s actions, not just their words.
7) The Good Listener
Who doesn’t appreciate a good listener? Someone who can listen when we’re down, or just when we want to share our day.
Well, manipulators love them too – but for their reasons.
People who listen well are like gold to manipulators. They know they’re more likely to be patient and understanding and less likely to interrupt or question their narrative.
A manipulator may talk at length about their life, problems, or ambitions, making you feel engaged and valued.
But this can be a tactic to distract from you and your needs while subtly controlling the conversation and the relationship.
As much as we appreciate a touch of humor in our lives, keep in mind that being a good listener doesn’t mean forgetting your voice.
8) Not Having Boundaries
Let’s be honest: setting boundaries isn’t always easy. It can be uncomfortable, or even selfish.
This is why manipulators thrive so well on people who struggle to set or maintain boundaries.
Manipulators can spot a lack of boundaries from a mile away. They know that you’re more likely to tolerate their transgressions, excuses, and abuses without much resistance.
They may subtly push your boundaries, make demands that make you uncomfortable, invade your personal space, or ignore your feelings and needs.
This is often a calculated move to slowly erode your boundaries and gain control.
As difficult as it may be, setting firm boundaries is non-negotiable in any relationship. It’s not selfish; it’s a sign of self-respect and self-care.
Stand by your guns and remember that it’s okay to prioritize your well-being.
9) Silence
If there’s one thing to remember, it’s this – manipulators rely on your silence. They rely on you not to voice your concerns, not to question their actions, and not to defend yourself.
Manipulators prefer those who are reluctant to express their feelings or confront issues. This silence allows them to continue their manipulative behavior without challenge.
They may dismiss your concerns, minimize your feelings, or even turn the tables by playing the victim when you try to express your concerns.
This is a classic tactic used to silence any opposition and maintain control.
Remember that your voice matters. Don’t let anyone silence you or make you feel like your feelings are invalid.
Always speak up, because ultimately breaking the silence is the first step toward breaking free from manipulation.
