There’s a fine line between true confidence and an inflated ego, and it’s often harder to distinguish between the two than we realize.
While true confidence comes from a place of inner security and self-esteem, some traits that people often mistake for confidence are actually rooted in insecurity or arrogance.
I’ve seen how easy it is to confuse someone who speaks loudly and appears dominant with someone who is truly comfortable in their own skin.
That’s why in this article, we’ll explore 9 traits that many people misinterpret as confidence—and why they’re actually signs of something less empowering.
Understanding these traits can help you avoid falling into these traps and foster a more authentic, real sense of self-confidence.
1) Arrogance
People often mistake confidence for arrogance, and it’s easy to see why.
Usually, when we see someone with a strong sense of self-confidence, we admire them. We might see them as leaders or inspirations.
But here’s where the confusion lies.
Arrogance is when this self-belief becomes inflated, leading a person to believe they are superior to others. It’s a trait that can damage relationships and create unnecessary conflict.
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True confidence, on the other hand, is about believing in your own abilities without belittling others.
It’s about respect—for yourself and for those around you.
So if you notice someone constantly belittling others to raise themselves up, that’s not confidence. That’s arrogance.
It’s a toxic trait that shouldn’t be confused with confidence.
2) Dominating Conversations
I remember one time when I was at a social gathering, and there was one person who would take control of whatever conversation he was in.
At first, he seemed confident, and that he knew what he was talking about.
But after a while, it became clear that he wasn’t really interested in what anyone else was saying.
He was just interested in making sure his voice was being heard.
Now, there’s nothing wrong with being an active participant in a conversation.
But true confidence is about knowing when to speak, and just as importantly, when to listen.
This person wasn’t confident. He was insecure, and trying to dominate the conversation to reassure himself of his worth.
Dominating conversations is often confused with confidence.
But in reality, it’s often a sign of insecurity, and a need for validation – and that’s definitely toxic.
3) Ignoring Feedback
Feedback is an essential part of growth and development.
It helps us recognize our strengths and identify areas where we need to improve.
However, some people interpret their ability to reject feedback as a sign of confidence.
They believe that standing their ground and rejecting criticism shows strength.
Here’s something to consider: According to research, people who didn’t develop confidence growing up often struggle to accept criticism and use it to improve themselves.
In that sense, ignoring feedback isn’t confidence. It’s a fear of facing up to shortcomings.
Confidence involves acknowledging your weaknesses and working on them, not just enjoying your strengths.
4) Excessive Competition
Competition can be healthy. It can push us to improve, strive for better, and challenge ourselves.
But when it becomes an obsession, it’s no longer healthy or confident.
Excessive competition is often confused with confidence. It’s seen as a sign of determination and ambition.
But when winning becomes everything, and losing isn’t an option, it’s no longer about confidence.
True confidence is about being confident in your abilities, whether you win or lose.
It’s about learning from every experience and growing as a result.
So if you notice someone who can’t handle losing or who always has to be the best at everything, that’s not confidence – it’s insecurity masked by hyper-competitiveness.
5) Risk Avoidance
We often associate confidence with boldness, the ability to take risks and step outside of our comfort zones.
But sometimes, people avoid risks under the guise of confidence.
They may say, “I know my limits,” or “I don’t need to prove anything,” and while there is a certain truth in knowing your limits, constantly avoiding risks is not a sign of confidence.
True confidence involves taking calculated risks.
It’s about acknowledging the possibility of failure, but moving forward anyway because you believe in your ability to handle whatever the outcome may be.
So, if someone is always playing it safe and never taking risks, what they’re displaying may not be confidence, but rather fear and uncertainty.
6) Constant Need for Validation
We all love to feel appreciated and valued. It’s human nature.
But there’s a big difference between enjoying appreciation and constantly seeking validation.
I’ve met people who can’t make a decision or take a step forward without the approval of others.
They seek constant reassurance that they’re doing the right thing, that they’re good enough, and that they’re loved.
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This is often confused with confidence because these individuals seem so concerned with doing things right.
But true confidence comes from within.
It’s about approving of yourself, knowing your worth, and not relying on others to validate your existence or actions.
Constant need for validation is not confidence.
It’s emotional dependency that pretends to be self-confident, a trait that can lead to disappointment and heartache.
7) Always Being Right
I had a friend who would never admit he was wrong.
Even when faced with concrete evidence, he would find a way to twist the circumstances to make it seem like he was still right.
People used to mistake this trait for self-confidence.
After all, having strong convictions can be a sign of self-confidence.
But in reality, it was an inability to accept their mistakes and learn from them.
It was a fear of appearing weak or incorrect.
True confidence is being secure enough in yourself to admit when you’re wrong and take steps to learn and grow from those mistakes.
8) Lack of Empathy
Empathy is the ability to understand and share the feelings of others.
It’s a trait that’s often overlooked in discussions of self-confidence.
Some people mistake a lack of empathy for self-confidence, seeing it as a sign of emotional strength or independence.
They think that not being affected by others’ feelings means they’re strong.
But true confidence involves the ability to empathize with others.
This means understanding that everyone has their own struggles and respecting those experiences.
A person who isn’t empathetic isn’t confident.
They’re detached, hiding behind a facade of indifference to hide their inability to connect on a deeper level.
9) Inability to Celebrate Others’ Success
One of the traits that is often confused with confidence is the inability to celebrate other people’s successes.
Some people view other people’s accomplishments as a threat, and direct comparison makes them feel less accomplished.
This is seen as a form of self-confidence, a way to maintain one’s status.
But true confidence is not threatened by other people’s accomplishments.
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It’s safe to acknowledge and celebrate someone else’s success without feeling diminished.
When you’re genuinely happy for someone else’s triumphs, it’s not just confidence—it’s grace, humility, and strength.
TheGist: It’s About Authenticity
Confidence and toxicity may sometimes seem similar on the surface, but their roots and outcomes couldn’t be more different.
True confidence comes from self-awareness, humility, and inner security, while toxic traits like arrogance, dominance, or manipulation often stem from deep-seated insecurities.
By recognizing the difference, you can not only avoid confusing these harmful behaviors with trusting others, but you can also reflect on your own actions to ensure they come from a place of authenticity.
True confidence should not overwhelm or belittle others, but rather uplift and inspire them. Striving for this kind of self-confidence can lead to healthier relationships, personal growth, and a stronger sense of self-worth.
