A narcissist may come across as arrogant and selfish. They undermine others to inflate their own sense of self. They truly believe that the world revolves around them. People and things are there for them to use whenever they want. They are unable to show true compassion for others, which makes it difficult to maintain a loving and healthy relationship.
When you first met your ex, he was probably charming. You really thought you had met your prince charming. As time passed, the fairy tale began to unravel. He started criticizing you for the smallest thing. He blamed you for everything he considered wrong in his life and would point out all your mistakes – whether real or imagined. He became manipulative and controlling.
At one point, you probably thought he loved you. It’s important to ask yourself whether he truly loved you, whether he loved you out of love, or whether he loved the fact that you worshiped the ground he walked on.
On the other hand, your ex could have been selfish during your marriage but communicated and seemed to act relatively normal during the marriage. Then the stress of the divorce took over and unleashed the monster inside her. Maybe you’re wondering what happened because your ex doesn’t look like the man you married.
Your ex can become increasingly manipulative during and after your divorce due to the stress they may feel due to financial problems, legal issues, and custody battles as well as feelings of abandonment, betrayal, and loss of control.
When dealing with a narcissistic ex-partner, it is important to remain calm. The calmer you are, the more in control you will be. It’s important to stop letting your ex push your buttons. Here are nine tips for dealing with a narcissistic ex:
- Get a good lawyer. Find someone who will look after your rights regarding support for your spouse and children as well as equal division of marital property.
More divorce tips from you you can:
- 9 love lessons I learned from my divorce
- 5 tips for moving on after divorce
- Has divorce become a luxury?
- Accept the fact that you will not change him or his beliefs. Most, if not all, of his requests during a divorce will be about what suits him without regard to the feelings and needs of others involved.
- Refrain from the temptation to let others see your side of the story. Your narcissistic ex may be so charming that he convinced others that you were wrong and crazy for leaving him. People who have never lived with him will find the truth hard to believe.
- Learn from your past mistakes. Perhaps you were co-dependent on him, or your self-reliance gave him complete power over you.
- Stick to your ground and do not allow him to influence you into giving up. If you give in once, you give him power over you, and it can lead to a cycle of blaming him and giving up. Stay strong!
- Meet him in public places when it is necessary to see him. Discuss only the issue at hand. Before your meeting, imagine yourself remaining calm and in control. This will help you maintain your composure when he tries to take control by pressing buttons. You might also consider getting a broker.
- Block his number. He will still be able to leave messages and/or text you, but you will control when you talk to him. When you hear him rant or rave, remind yourself that you are responsible for your actions, thoughts, and feelings, and he has no power over you unless you give it to him. Believe that you can control this situation and it will continue to empower you.
- Keep a diary of all your communications with him. File a restraining order if he starts threatening you or becomes physically abusive to you.
Create a “no contact” rule. This is the easiest way to deal with your narcissistic ex. Don’t contact him about anything, and don’t expect anything from him. Of course, this will only work if you are lucky enough not to have young children with him.
