Wait for the narcissist to take any blame, and you’ll be waiting a long time.
Instead, you’re the bad guy. They decided that long ago, and maybe that’s why you’re in their life.
You’re the scapegoat.
So when things go wrong, the narcissist is ready to point the finger at you.
Here are nine things they say to point the finger at you.
Frustrated? Yes!
It’s never fun to be blamed for something you didn’t do, but at least if you were in charge, you’d raise your hands and take the blame.
This is how we learn. We may make mistakes that propel us into a new chapter in our lives. We reflect and ask for forgiveness.
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We admit that we’re not human—because we are!
Don’t expect a narcissist to embrace this kind of behavior, because they’ll never be blamed.
They’ll always avoid it.
Let’s dig into how it happens.
1 “I don’t know what you’re talking about”
Narcissists usually don’t know what you’re talking about unless they want to use it against you.
Eventually, they’ll deny your truth by ignoring your blame, turning it into “your” problem.
This is where you’ll often find yourself swimming against the tide, feeling their anger subtly reacting to you.
Yes, this is true psychological manipulation.
2 “I think you need to listen to yourself for a moment”
If a narcissist can convince you that you’re saying ridiculous things, they will.
In the heat of an argument, you may find them asking you to think about what you’re saying, as if there’s something terribly wrong with it.
And of course, you do. And you will. And as you do, you’ll discover what isn’t there, and recriminations will ensue.
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Never let them have that power over your thoughts.
You’re blaming them for a reason.
3 “You sound hysterical”
Are you? Well, they’ll certainly convince you of that. Here, you’ll be silenced, and it’ll become about your (nonexistent) hysterical behavior rather than what you’re blaming them for in the first place.
See how they move and change, taking you with them?
By the way, can I add here that you don’t sound hysterical. They’re trying to make you sound crazy so you’ll calm down, even shut up.
Narcissists love a silent victim.
Don’t be that person, and don’t take the blame for daring to speak up.
4 “Why do you always point at me?”
Narcissists usually act as if the problem is your attempt to stir things up (blame them), rather than focusing on what you’re actually blaming them for.
They may have done something incredibly hurtful, but if you’re calling them out, they’ll make that the problem, which then changes your tone.
Nothing is more disgusting.
5 “As if you’re perfect!”
The only time you develop the courage to blame them and refuse to take responsibility yourself is when they remember the one time you made a mistake in the past.
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This mistake is never forgotten, because it’s really all the narcissist has to go through.
Narcissists do this a lot because they want to constantly remind you that you’re not perfect.
If you hurt me, I’ll hurt you!
When you’re reminded, it makes you feel guilty and ashamed. Do you remember a time when this happened?
This isn’t pleasant for those who remember, because what happens is they find themselves apologizing.
You don’t need to. You’ve served your time, and you’ve shown remorse.
Now, the focus is on the narcissist, and they make little effort to offer you the same level of self-reflection.
This speaks volumes.
6 “You’re obsessed with blaming others”
Comments like these make victims revisit the past. They often see a distorted picture of this when they recall similar times when they blamed someone else.
Suddenly, all those times add up, and the victim feels the narcissist is right.
Oh my God! I blame others so much. Am I obsessed?
I must be!
What do people think of me!
I’m always pointing fingers.
I need to tone down my harshness on people.
It’s not fair.
Why am I doing this?
Am I the cause?
Am I the problem?
You see what happened?
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In no time, the victim had a full-blown conversation with themselves and discovered that the narcissist was right—they’re obsessed!
And what about the narcissist? Great! The job is done!
7 “It’s your fault”
That’s it, plain and simple.
Your fault.
Really? Did you force them to do it? Did you lead them into the abyss of immorality? No, you didn’t. But this is perhaps the most childish way to evade any blame.
You will. You’re there. You take the hit, and you leave the narcissist out.
It’s a moment I like to use to remind you who you’re really dealing with. You think these people love you and care about you, but they don’t.
Narcissists would rather throw you into a blame hole than take any blame themselves.
You know what that says about them? It shows how toxic they are.
8 “Because you did this…”
Okay. So you did X, which automatically gave them permission to do X and Y.
I get it.
Make sense, Alexander!
I’ll try.
You’ve led the narcissist astray. You see how at any other point in your life with a narcissist, they love to take the lead.
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The moment they’re ready to blame, they’ll deflect that blame and tell you it’s your fault.
Come on.
Don’t believe it.
9 “I don’t feel well, and you’re making it worse.”
Oh, did you catch the narcissist at a bad time? They must be feeling too sick to keep blaming them.
It’s not fair to prosecute a sick person for their moral crime when you can just keep quiet and let them rest and forget…
Oh my God.
I see what they did there.
Well done, then, for evading blame by pretending you’re too sick to defend yourself.
Classic narcissistic behavior!
