We all fudge the truth from time to time, to one degree or another.
We tell white lies to protect other’s feelings, or we exaggerate a story to portray ourselves in a better light.
But while these little lies are generally harmless, some people take lying to a whole new level.
For a compulsive liar, lying becomes the norm rather than the exception, and the habit can take a toll on relationships and trust.
How can you spot these individuals, you ask?
It can be difficult, as they have a lot of practice and are adept at manipulating the truth.
However, there are subtle signs that let you know when the person you’re interacting with is not being honest.
Here are 9 signs you’re dealing with a compulsive liar, according to psychology.
By reading between the lines, you won’t believe their tall tales.
1) Their stories are inconsistent
Spotting out the inconsistencies in a compulsive liar’s stories requires a keen eye for detail, but it can help you determine whether the person you’re dealing with is trustworthy.
According to psychology, compulsive liars’ stories often lack consistency or coherence.
A person who makes lying a daily occurrence may struggle to maintain a consistent narrative over time.
One of the most noticeable signs is a gradual or sudden change in key details in their stories.
Pay attention to how the story evolves when retelling it on different occasions.
If key details, such as the location or people involved, change, this generally indicates that the story is fabricated.
2) Their stories are unnecessarily complicated
Compulsive liars love to embellish, so their stories will be unnecessarily complicated.
They will include a lot of color that doesn’t add much to the narrative but is intended to convince you that what the liar is saying is true.
It’s certainly difficult to assess whether someone who tends to go into a lot of detail when sharing a story is lying.
Some people like to listen to themselves talk.
I once had a coworker who used to rant about his breakfast in excruciating detail day after day to anyone who would listen, detailing the nutritional content and describing exactly how his eggs were burnt.
But when you combine this sign with some of the others on the list, it can tell a lot.
3) Their Story Details Seem Exaggerated
On the same theme of embellishment, compulsive liars tell stories that seem overly dramatic or exaggerated.
Psychologists believe that they do this to gain sympathy or admiration, so you might notice that someone you suspect is exaggerating the truth portrays themselves as either a hero or a victim.
For example, a compulsive liar might tell a story about enduring a tragic childhood with the intent of gaining sympathy and emotional support.
In reality, their childhood was normal, and they didn’t have much to complain about.
Or a compulsive liar might brag about receiving prestigious awards or achieving extraordinary success in their career, when in reality, their accomplishments may be more modest.
You get the idea.
4) They Pass Other People’s Stories Off as Their Own
Another thing you’ll notice when you’ve been interacting with a compulsive liar for a while is that they sometimes take other people’s stories and pass them off as their own.
In some cases, compulsive liars may feel that their lives lack the excitement, drama, or success they desire.
Appropriating other people’s stories becomes a way to fill that void and create a more compelling personal history.
Alternatively, a compulsive liar may be struggling with their sense of identity, according to psychology.
By adopting other people’s stories, they temporarily construct a false identity that they believe will be more appealing to those around them.
Does the story they’re telling sound familiar to you?
Maybe you’ve already heard it from someone else.
Or maybe they took it from a movie, TV show, or book.
With compulsive liars, anything goes.
5) Their Body Language Gives Them Away
While compulsive liars are skilled storytellers, no one can control their body language 100%.
In other words, you may be able to spot signs that the person you’re talking to isn’t being honest:
- Excessive blinking or avoiding eye contact
- Fidgeting, such as playing with hair, tapping fingers, or shifting weight from one foot to the other
- A mismatch between verbal and nonverbal cues (such as nodding while saying “no” or shaking your head while affirming)
- Touching your face (nose, mouth, or ears)
- Expressing emotions that don’t match the content of the conversation (such as smiling during serious discussions)
Your subconscious will instinctively pick up on these nonverbal cues.
I once asked a guy I was dating if he was talking to other girls because he was being honest about staying in touch with his exes, etc.
He assured me that he wasn’t, but he couldn’t look me in the eye the way he did.
I knew right away that he wasn’t being honest.
It was early days, so I didn’t press him about it. I eventually found out that I was right.
Trust your gut.
6) They evade questions
Compulsive liars are driven by the need to maintain their deceptive narrative, so they resort to skillful evasion when faced with probing questions.
If you ask them to elaborate on a particular aspect of their story, they will respond by talking about it for five minutes.
But when they’re done, you’ll realize that they haven’t answered your question or explained anything.
They’ll even ramble on about it until you almost forget what you wanted to know in the first place.
They’re that good.
7) They Get Quick to Get Defensive
Compulsive liars can get defensive if you accuse them of dishonesty or confront them with the truth.
When their behavior is criticized, they’re likely to deny it all.
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They may also become hostile, shifting the blame onto you.
For example, if you tell an addicted liar that their story doesn’t sound truthful, they’ll point out that they have nothing to gain from lying and insist that you always see the worst in people.
By doing so, it shifts the focus onto you and makes you feel bad about something that wasn’t your fault in the first place.
According to psychology, blaming others is a form of verbal abuse.
Don’t tolerate it.
8) They Don’t Feel Remorse When They Get Caught Lying
Similarly, addicted liars show a marked emotional detachment from the consequences of their deceptive actions.
If a normal person lied, they would feel guilty about it and act remorseful when they get caught.
A addicted liar, on the other hand, won’t feel too bad about being caught.
They may react by staying completely silent or telling more lies to cover their tracks.
They may even acknowledge it and move on from the conversation as quickly as possible.
This behavior is confusing to anyone who encounters them.
You might expect them to make excuses, promise they won’t do it again, and say how sorry they are.
Instead, they act as if it’s no big deal.
9) They struggle to maintain relationships
According to psychology, repeated lying destroys credibility and leads to breakups.
As a result, compulsive liars don’t have many successful relationships in their lives.
The more time you spend with someone, the more you realize what makes them do it.
Not many people are willing to put up with being lied to over and over again.
As a result, compulsive liars may not be romantically involved or have any old friends.
They may also move jobs frequently, as managers are less forgiving than friends when it comes to catching you in the act.
On the surface, compulsive liars appear to be thriving.
They may date a lot of people or have large social circles because many of the relationships they form are superficial.
However, ask them politely about their old friends or work history and see what they say.
They’re likely to lie about these aspects of their lives, too.
Bottom Line
Dealing with a compulsive liar can be frustrating, especially when you can’t help but be distracted.
If it’s a coworker or relative, set realistic expectations for your interactions and do your best not to lose your temper.
Remember, his compulsive lying isn’t about you. To him, it’s a habit.
And if you suspect that someone you’re dating might be a compulsive liar?
If he’s unwilling to get help, building a healthy, trusting relationship is impossible.
Run.
