We all distort the truth sometimes, to one degree or another.
We tell white lies to spare other people’s feelings, or we exaggerate the story to paint ourselves in a better light.
But while these little lies are generally harmless, some people take lying to a whole new level.
For people with compulsive liars, lying becomes the norm rather than the exception, and this habit can greatly impact relationships and trust.
How do you spot these individuals, you ask?
It can be difficult, because they have a lot of practice and are skilled at manipulating the truth.
However, there are subtle signs that let you know that the person you are interacting with is dishonest.
Here are 9 signs that you’re dealing with compulsive lying, according to psychology.
By reading between the lines, you won’t fall in love with their tall tales.
1) Their stories are inconsistent
Identifying inconsistencies in compulsive lying stories requires close attention to detail, but it can help you determine whether the person you are dealing with can be trusted.
According to psychology, stories of compulsive lying often lack consistency or coherence.
A person who makes lying an everyday occurrence can have difficulty maintaining a consistent narrative over time.
One of the most obvious signs is a gradual or sudden change of key details in their stories.
Pay attention to how the story develops when retold on different occasions.
If key details change, such as the location or people involved, it generally indicates that the story is fabricated.
2) Their stories are unnecessarily complicated
Compulsive liars like to embellish, so their stories will be unnecessarily complicated.
It will include a lot of color that does not add much to the narrative but is intended to convince you that what the liar is saying is true.
It can certainly be difficult to assess whether someone who tends to go into a lot of detail when sharing a story is lying.
Some people like to listen to themselves talk.
I once had a coworker who used to vent about his breakfast in excruciating detail day after day to anyone who would listen, offering a breakdown of his macros and describing exactly how burnt his eggs were.
But when you combine this sign with some of the other signs on the list, it can say a lot.
3) The details of their stories seem exaggerated
On the same topic as embellishment, compulsive liars tell stories that seem overly dramatic or exaggerated.
Psychologists believe they do this to gain sympathy or admiration, so you may notice that the person you suspect is telling the truth paints themselves as either a hero or a victim.
For example, a compulsive liar may tell a story of a tragic childhood ordeal in order to gain sympathy and emotional support.
In fact, their childhood was normal, and they didn’t have much to complain about.
Or the compulsive liar may brag about winning prestigious awards or achieving extraordinary success in his career, when in fact his accomplishments may be more modest.
You found the idea.
4) They pass off other people’s stories as their own
Another thing you’ll notice when you’ve been dealing with a compulsive liar for a while is that he or she will sometimes take other people’s stories and pass them off as his own.
In some cases, compulsive liars may feel that their lives lack the excitement, drama, or success they desire.
Appropriating other people’s stories becomes a way to fill this void and create a more compelling personal history.
Alternatively, a compulsive liar may struggle with their sense of identity, according to psychology.
By adopting other people’s stories, they temporarily construct a false identity that they believe will be more attractive to those around them.
Does the story they tell sound familiar to you?
You may have already heard it from someone else.
Or maybe they took it from a movie, TV show, or book.
With compulsive lying, anything is possible.
5) Their body language reveals them
While compulsive liars are skilled at telling stories, no one can control their body language 100%.
In other words, you may be able to spot indicators that the person you’re talking to isn’t being honest:
Excessive blinking or avoiding eye contact
Fidgeting, such as playing with hair, tapping fingers, or shifting weight from one foot to another
Mismatch between verbal and nonverbal cues (such as nodding while saying “no” or shaking the head while confirming)
Touching the face (nose, mouth, or ears)
- Expressing emotions that do not fit with the content of the conversation (such as smiling during serious discussions).
Your subconscious mind will instinctively pick up on these non-verbal cues.
One time, I asked this guy I was seeing if he talked to other girls because he was open about keeping in touch with exes etc.
He assured me it wasn’t, but he couldn’t look me in the eye the way he did.
I knew immediately that he wasn’t being honest.
It was early days, so I didn’t pressure him about it. I eventually discovered that I was right.
Trust your feeling.
6) They evade questions
Compulsive liars are driven by the need to maintain their deceptive narratives, so they resort to skillful evasion when faced with probing questions.
If you ask them to explain a particular aspect of their story, they will respond by talking about the topic for the next five minutes.
However, when they’re done, you’ll realize that they never answered your question or clarified anything.
They gossiped about it until you almost forgot what you wanted to know in the first place.
They are very good.
7) They quickly become defensive
Compulsive liars can become defensive if you accuse them of dishonesty or confront them with the truth.
When their behavior is criticized, they are likely to deny everything.
They may also become hostile and blame you.
For example, if you tell a compulsive liar that their story doesn’t ring true, they will point out to you that they have nothing to gain from lying and insist that you always see the worst in people.
By doing this, they shift the focus on you and make you feel bad about something that is not your fault in the first place.
According to psychology, blame shifting is a form of verbal abuse.
Don’t tolerate it.
8) They don’t feel remorse when they lie
In a similar vein, compulsive liars display a marked emotional detachment from the consequences of their deceptive actions.
If the average person lies, they feel guilty about it and act remorseful when they are found out.
On the other hand, a compulsive liar wouldn’t feel so bad about being found out.
They may react by remaining completely silent or telling more lies to cover their tracks.
They may admit it and move on from the conversation as quickly as possible.
This is puzzling behavior to anyone who encounters them.
You expect them to make excuses, promise they’ll never do it again, and say how sorry they are about it.
Instead, they act like it’s no big deal.
9) They struggle to maintain relationships
According to psychology, repeated lying leads to the destruction of credibility and detachment.
Hence, compulsive liars do not have many successful relationships in their lives.
The more time you spend with someone, the more you’ll learn about what interests them.
Not many people are willing to put up with being lied to repeatedly.
As a result, a person who suffers from compulsive lying may not be romantically involved or have any old friends.
They may also move from one job to another frequently, because managers are less forgiving than friends when it comes to catching you lying.
On the surface, compulsive liars appear to be thriving.
They probably date a lot or have large social circles since a lot of the connections they make are superficial.
Related : 10 ways manipulators slowly chip away at your self-worth
However, gently inquire about their long-term friends or employment history and see what they have to say.
Sure, they might lie about these aspects of their lives, too.
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Dealing with compulsive lying is frustrating, especially when you can’t break away from it.
If it’s a coworker or relative, set realistic expectations about your interactions and do your best not to lose your temper.
Remember, their compulsive lying is not about you. For them, this is a habit.
And if you suspect that the person you’re dating might be a compulsive liar?
If they are not willing to get help, building a healthy, trusting relationship is impossible.
Being.
