These days, when someone shows the slightest hint of ego or self-absorption, it’s all too easy to label them a “narcissist.”

You may also have a partner who makes you wonder if he or she is a narcissist. They may be too preoccupied with themselves or constantly looking for admiration.

But let’s be real: everyone has moments when they focus more on themselves. This does not necessarily mean that they are complete narcissists.

In fact, did you know that only 0.5-1% of the population suffers from Narcissistic Personality Disorder?

That’s why it’s important to separate myths from facts, and that’s exactly what we’ll do today.

In this article, I will share with you 9 clear, fact-based signs that your partner is a narcissist. We hope this helps inform and guide you so you can get a better understanding of what narcissism really looks like in a relationship.

Let’s dive in!

1) They feel (or at least act) superior to others
Does your partner act like he or she is better than you or others? Like everything they say, it comes from the Bible – undeniable truth.

Well, it comes from the Bible – their Bible.

It is a self-created bible in which they are always the protagonist, the fountain of wisdom, and the undisputed champion. They know everything, and whatever you say, it doesn’t matter because “You’re wrong!”

I’m willing to bet it’s hard to solve problems, right? How can you make your voice heard if they dismiss your opinions or respond aggressively to criticism?

You may find yourself constantly trying to knock them down, just to feel like you’re on a level playing field.

Or worse, you may start to believe that they are truly superior, which can lower your self-esteem.

A healthy relationship is about lifting each other up. There is no hierarchy of who is better than who. With a narcissist, you probably won’t get this kind of support.

2) They think you can’t understand them because only “special” people can

Strangely enough, no matter how supportive you are of your partner, a narcissistic partner will not see it that way.

Why? Because in their eyes you are an ordinary person. They are not. How can the ordinary understand the extraordinary?

No, only the discerning can understand the discerning.

That’s why, according to HelpGuide.org, “they only want to connect with people, places, and things of high status.”

This brings me to my next point…

3) They are preoccupied with delusions of grandeur
Instead of support, what you’ll likely get is a preoccupation with fantasies of power, success, fairytale romance, or beauty.

Basically, anything is great.

In fact, according to psychologists, this is one of the ways they attract your attention and attract you into their network. It’s a tactic called “future faking.”

It’s hard to resist someone who dreams big, and knows how to weave amazing images of the future you’ll share. Someone who showers you with so much love and affection that you can’t see it directly.

If you’re the optimistic type, you’ll see this in a positive light, only to discover too late that it was all just hot air.

But that’s what narcissists tend to do, they run on hope.

4) They should always be the center of attention
Another narcissistic trait is the need to be in the spotlight.

Dr. Christy Lee Parkin talks in Psychology Today about this obsession with attention:

“Relationships often serve the purpose of enhancing the narcissist’s status. For example, they may not necessarily want to become parents, but they may change their minds when they realize that it comes with a rise in status and recognition — and the new title of ‘mom’ or ‘dad.’

To be honest, it’s a twisted way of thinking, but it’s the truth – in a narcissist’s life, the main star is…you guessed it, themselves.

Everyone else in their orbit exists only to further their existence. Supporting characters, in other words.

5) They have very low empathy
Ironically, they cannot provide you with the same level of support that you provide them. Because here’s the weird thing about people with narcissistic personality disorder, according to research:

“People affected by BPD show specific problems with empathy, but these difficulties are limited to the emotional part. In fact, the cognitive part seems to be preserved and necessary for the skill of manipulating and exploiting others.

Which means they intellectually know how to use empathy to gain an advantage over you. But they struggle with using empathy to provide genuine, sincere support for goodness.

6) They have a tendency to exploit you and others
If this sounds like your partner, you’ve probably felt like you’re being manipulated in some way.

As you can see, narcissists often use a variety of manipulation tactics to keep you in control, such as:

Blame and defamation
Mind manipulation
Love bombing
Emotional blackmail
Ignore your limits
It’s a longer list than this, but the point is that narcissists exploit others simply because they are always seeking the next “narcissistic fix,” and never really think about how their actions affect others.

I know this sounds outrageous, but I don’t mean to paint an evil picture of them. This is just to help you recognize the signs so you can be prepared.

In fact, while we’re on the subject, I’d like to dispel the common myth that “all narcissists are evil.” Dr. Elinor Greenberg of Psychology Today explains it well:

“Narcissists are neither superheroes nor villains. They are disturbed, deeply selfish people who have low emotional empathy, and a host of other narcissistic issues, and are preoccupied with shoring up their shaky self-esteem.

I repeat, narcissists may act in harmful ways, but they are not inherently evil. They simply have a distorted image of themselves. Which may also be the reason…

7) They have a sense of entitlement
This distorted image gives narcissists a sense of entitlement. They believe that because they are special, they should get what they want.

Psychologists say this is a core feature of narcissism. It goes beyond the usual entitlement we feel at birthdays and important milestones in our lives.

For narcissists, this feeling of entitlement is always present, whether they have done something to deserve special treatment or not.

In fact, when this sense of entitlement is threatened (such as when they don’t get what they want), they can become hostile. They may resort to behaviors such as:

Getting into a dark mood
The desire to “reclaim” what was “taken from them”
The desire to take revenge on the abusive person
The bottom line is that it is unacceptable (the favorite word of the Karens and Keynes of the world) for them not to get what they are “owed.”

8) They always need validation
The funny thing is, you might think that a narcissist, with his or her inflated sense of self, wouldn’t need validation from others.

But the truth is, they definitely do!

Research now shows that it is insecurity that drives narcissistic behavior, not an inflated sense of self.

According to Mary Kowalczyk, lead author of the study, “More specifically, the findings suggest that narcissism is best understood as a compensatory adaptation to overcome and cover up low self-worth.”

This explains why…

9) They act arrogantly or arrogantly
Knowing that narcissists are intrinsically insecure explains why they act like arrogant jerks.

Going back to the study I mentioned above, what the research shows is that their arrogance is just a way of dealing with these insecurities.

Therefore, they may dissuade themselves by bragging or acting in an arrogant manner. Which makes others love them less. Which increases their insecurity even more. Which makes it more flexible.

It’s a never-ending cycle of arrogant behavior, all because they actually have a low sense of self-worth.

How to protect yourself

Now, a word of caution: If your partner exhibits one or two of these behaviors, it doesn’t necessarily mean he or she is a complete narcissist.

The truth is that we all have narcissistic traits from time to time.

According to the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, Fifth Edition (DSM-V), at least five of these criteria must be present for a person to receive a final diagnosis of borderline personality disorder.

However, even some narcissistic traits can be very damaging to the other partner in the relationship.

So, how do you cope? Here are some ways:

• Understanding behavior. Educate yourself about narcissists so you can prevent internalizing their negative behavior as your fault. (It’s definitely not your fault.)
• Set boundaries. Be clear about what you will and will not tolerate. And be clear about the consequences of going too far. This is vital for you to stay in control of your life.
• Keep up with your hobbies, interests, and social life. A narcissistic partner may try to isolate you from all of this to maintain control. Don’t lose your sense of self!
• Seek support from friends, family, or a professional therapist.
• Practice self-care. Dealing with a narcissistic partner can be mentally and emotionally exhausting.
• Choose your battle. Arguing with a narcissist can really drain your energy, so be selective about what is worth spending your energy on.
• Focus on reality. Remember that narcissists tend to distort the truth. Trust your judgment and ground yourself in reality.
• Sometimes, the healthiest option is to leave the relationship. There’s no shame in that.

finalthoughts

Narcissists are people who have their own share of struggles like us. Behind their difficult behaviors and attitudes often lies a complex web of insecurities and self-esteem issues.

However, understanding this does not mean that you have to put up with unhealthy behavior. Compassion is essential, but so is your well-being and happiness.