However, some people are truly narcissists.
Being a narcissist doesn’t just mean being arrogant, conceited, or selfish.
Instead, it means there is a whole host of manipulative and antisocial behaviors that can make it impossible for a person to get along with them.
Are you in a relationship with a narcissist?
If you’ve ever asked yourself this question, it’s important to know what the signs of narcissistic personality disorder are, according to experts.
Here are some things to look for.
1) They lack empathy
Empathy is the ability that most people have to put themselves in another person’s shoes.
It is an act of imagination that allows us to understand how others feel and understand their emotional lives.
Empathy comes naturally to most of us, although it is also a skill we can work on and develop throughout our lives.
However, one of the classic signs of narcissistic personality disorder, or NPD, is a lack of empathy.
“Narcissism is essentially a problem of lack of empathy,” says psychotherapist Shauna Freshwater. “Normal functioning people supposedly had many experiences as infants and children in which they were admired and understood by their primary caregivers, whereas a narcissistic vulnerable person did not.”
In other words, narcissists are generally made, not born.
Their personality disorder may stem from childhood neglect which makes them lack empathy.
While this may go some way to explaining the origins of narcissism, it does not excuse it.
A narcissist’s lack of empathy may be a result of the way they were raised, but that doesn’t change the fact that it makes them extremely difficult to be around.
A narcissist’s lack of empathy can manifest in many different ways, especially in the context of a relationship.
Your partner may seem indifferent when you mention that you are having emotional difficulty.
They may fail to take care of your needs, whether it’s helping around the house or spending time with your family.
Sometimes, these can be traits of someone who is simply selfish.
But sometimes, they point to a more serious psychological disorder such as narcissism.
2) They believe they are superior to others
The common cultural idea of a narcissist is that he is someone who believes he is better than everyone else. There is some truth in that picture.
Narcissists often have a feeling of superiority over others, whether they consider themselves smarter, more capable, stronger, or better looking than everyone else.
“Narcissism is often interpreted in popular culture as someone who loves himself,” says psychologist Preston Nee. “It is more accurate to describe a pathological narcissist as someone who loves an idealized self-image, which he projects to avoid feeling like (and being seen as) his wounded and deprived true self.”
In other words, narcissists pretend to be superior to others, and they may even believe it, but it’s all just an attempt to cover up the self-esteem they did not develop in childhood.
This can appear in a person who is always putting others down.
They constantly compare themselves favorably with others, never missing an opportunity to point out that they are smarter, prettier, or better than someone else.
The fact that this is motivated by a lack of self-esteem is usually not immediately obvious, and it takes a deeper understanding of the narcissist to see this.
3) They care about what others think
Once you understand that narcissists, as confident and arrogant as they may seem, are the way they are because they lack belief in their self-worth, it begins to make sense that they are deeply influenced by what others think of them.
“Narcissists care a lot about their image,” writes psychologist Amy Morin. “They want to make sure they look rich, popular, and elite.”
This is because they cannot validate themselves.
This makes them look to other people for validation.
They want others to think they are smarter, better looking, or more capable than everyone else to support their distorted self-image.
So, if your partner is always worried about what others think and seems to feel the need to put on a facade to impress others, it may be due to a hidden strain of narcissism.
4) They are entitled
There are not many personality traits more annoying than a sense of entitlement.
However, narcissists often display inappropriate behavior, believing that they deserve better treatment than everyone else and that normal rules of behavior do not apply to them.
“People who are narcissistic believe that good things will come their way because they deserve positive outcomes,” writes psychologist Susan Krauss Whitbourne.
The narcissist expects to go to the front of every line.
They will happily break social rules and even laws if it helps them achieve what they want.
This sense of entitlement means that narcissists often pay no attention to the unwritten rules of human relationships.
When you do nice things for them, they may not reciprocate because they think they deserve it.
They may hold you to a code of conduct that they will never follow.
This sense of entitlement is just part of what makes narcissists so difficult to be in a relationship with.
5) They are manipulative
“Narcissists view relationships mainly as opportunities for self-enhancement,” says clinical psychologist Mark Zaslav.
In other words, for a narcissist, a relationship is not about healthy give-and-take and doing your best for the other person.
Instead, it’s all about what they can get.
“If you find yourself in the orbit of a narcissist, it helps to be aware of their preferred manipulation tactics,” Zaslav continues.
These include:
Love bombing, or showering you with affection and flattery in the early stages of a relationship
Blame yourself when things go wrong
Playing on your insecurities
He lies
Guilt-tripping
Constantly criticize you
Systematically highlighting or distorting the truth to make you question your grip on reality
These manipulative tactics can often be a form of abuse, so if you’re experiencing them in a relationship, it may be time to ask yourself why you’re still there.
6) They tend to have troubled relationships
Some people believe that a romantic relationship needs conflict.
All relationships will indeed have conflicts of one kind or another.
But if you are constantly quarreling with your partner, this is not a good sign.
This may be a sign that your partner is a narcissist.
Because of their manipulative behavior and selfish tendencies, narcissists struggle to maintain long-term relationships.
Yours is often turbulent, characterized by constant conflict and manipulation.
If your partner talks about their exes as if they were all crazy, this is a bad sign.
Likewise, it is a bad sign if they don’t have any long-term friends, or have a strained relationship with their family.
Of course, the same applies if your relationship is full of drama and fights.
7) They do not take responsibility
One way narcissists protect their fragile sense of self is by never accepting responsibility when things go wrong.
If you get into an argument with your narcissistic partner, he will blame you, and will never take any responsibility for the fight himself.
If they have conflict in the workplace, it is because everyone is against them, not because of anything they did.
If they disagree with a friend, it should be the friend’s fault, never theirs.
“People with narcissistic personality disorder cannot bear the idea that they might be held responsible, so they blame someone else instead,” therapist Elinor Greenberg wrote. “To avoid self-hatred, they shift the blame onto someone else. If they are unsuccessful in shifting the blame, they may find themselves sinking into a pit of self-hatred and shame.
Essentially, the narcissist cannot admit when they are wrong, because their fragile ego cannot handle the shame that comes with being wrong.
8) They exploit others
As I mentioned earlier, for a narcissist, a relationship is merely a means to an end.
Instead of getting into a relationship because they think it will make you and them happy, they do it because they think they can get something from you.
But it’s not just romantic relationships. Every relationship is a tool that the narcissist uses to get what he wants.
This means that they may form friendships with people who they believe can offer them something, whether it is money, career advancement, or status.
Oftentimes, they will abandon relationships once they feel they no longer have anything to offer.
9) They have fragile self-esteem
Finally, although it may seem counterintuitive at first, low self-esteem is a classic sign of a narcissist.
Many of the defining traits of a narcissist only make sense when you understand that they come from a place of self-loathing.
Many of the things narcissists do, although they seem arrogant, are a response to this lack of self-esteem.
