You’ve been in a long-term relationship with a narcissist, and things aren’t all rainbows and butterflies.

In fact, you spend most of your days feeling miserable. You cry yourself to sleep, question your worth as a person, and walk on eggshells to avoid upsetting your partner.

Yet, you find yourself continuing the relationship. Why do you do this to yourself?

Why People Stay With Narcissists

If you’re staying with a narcissist despite their abuse, it can help to know that you’re not alone.

Many people find themselves falling victim to narcissists’ games. Even though they know the relationship isn’t working, they simply can’t leave.

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This probably sounds like you, and you’re trying to figure out what’s driving you to stay with your narcissistic partner.

Typically, some or all of the following issues are at play.

You’ve Fallen in Love Quickly

At the beginning of a relationship, narcissists are adept at charming you. They’ll shower you with love and affection, making you feel like you’re the center of their universe.

They do this strategically to make you addicted to their attention. That way, when they flip the switch and become the selfish, demanding creatures they are, you’ll already be attached to them.

If you stay in the relationship despite the narcissist’s constant torture, it’s likely because you fell madly in love at the beginning of the relationship.

Since you’re already attached, you can’t force yourself to leave.

They’ve isolated you from all sources of support

Narcissists will also strategically isolate you from friends and family, because they want to be your sole focus.

Not only does this give them access to all of your time and attention, it also makes it less likely that you’ll leave them.

With no one else to turn to, you’ll be reluctant to end the relationship with the narcissist. The narcissist may treat you badly, but they’re the only friend you have left.

You’re Hoping for Change

Since the narcissist charmed you with his charm at the beginning of the relationship, you may be convinced that the loving, caring person he pretended to be is actually him.

Related :How do you make someone realize they are a narcissist?

Now that he’s shown you his dark side, you may be hoping that he’ll go back to the person he was in the beginning.

In fact, he may go back to being that person from time to time. He’ll be nice to you long enough to convince you that he’ll change.

Or when he’s afraid you’ll leave him, he may promise to change.

This keeps you clinging to the relationship.

The Narcissist Was Fooling You

Narcissists are experts at deception. This means they can do a great job of convincing you that your experiences and perceptions are distorted.

So, instead of acknowledging his bad behavior, the narcissist will tell you that you’re misremembering or being overly dramatic.

This may make you wonder if you’re overreacting. Instead of leaving the relationship, you may tell yourself that it’s not really that bad, and that you just need to toughen up!

Your finances are in tatters

Financial abuse is not uncommon in relationships with narcissists. In many cases, a narcissist will take advantage of you financially because they feel entitled to do so.

They are likely to be financially dependent on you. Maybe you live together, and they throw you a few dollars here and there, but you pay the majority of the bills.

Or maybe they split the bills with you, but they’ve put you in debt. They may run up your credit card bills or convince you to take out loans to fund their habits.

Related : The difference between narcissists and idiots/jerks

They may promise to pay you back, but they never do.

If this sounds like your situation, it may be your financial instability that’s holding you back. Maybe you don’t feel confident starting over on your own with your finances in such a mess.

You’re Afraid of Retaliation

A narcissist’s fragile ego simply can’t handle abandonment or rejection, so if you threaten to leave, they’re likely to get angry.

You may have discussed with them that the relationship isn’t working, and they lash out in anger. They may throw things, physically assault you, or threaten to make your life miserable if you leave.

Fearing that you’ll never be able to fully break away, you stay with the narcissist.

You’ve Developed a Traumatic Bond

It’s common for people in relationships with a narcissist to develop a traumatic bond. This happens because of the ups and downs that occur when you’re with a narcissist.

A narcissist will swing between hot and cold behavior. He may be angry one day, then overly emotional the next.

This leaves your emotions, hormones, and brain chemicals in a constant state of flux. When a narcissist is cold and callous, you feel like you’re pulling away.

Related :Why are narcissists mean for no reason?

On the other hand, when they show even the smallest bits of affection, you feel a temporary high. This causes you to develop a strong bond with the narcissist, which makes leaving the relationship painful.

LowSelfEsteemIssues

Being with a narcissist can take a toll on your self-esteem. Throughout the relationship, they will convince you that you’re deeply flawed and deserve all of their bad treatment.

This leaves your self-esteem at an all-time low, and you may worry that no one else wants to be with you. The narcissist may even tell you that no one else will put up with you!

With low self-esteem, you lack confidence in your ability to leave the relationship. You stay and maintain the status quo, convinced that you don’t deserve better.

NarcissistPretendsFuture

Narcissists love to keep you addicted to pretending to have a future. They will talk about a long, happy future together, even if they have no intention of making that future a reality.

They may make comments about wanting to get married, have kids, or buy a house together. When they talk this way, you develop a sense of commitment to the relationship.

After all, you are a real person. If the narcissist is talking about a future together, it’s only natural that you want to commit to that, too.

You may feel like you can’t leave the relationship because you’ve discussed plans for this perfect life together.

Should You Stay or Should You Go?

Take a hard look at the factors that keep you in the relationship. Now, I’m not telling you whether or not you should leave. I just want you to be realistic.

Related : 6 Differences Between Healthy and Narcissistic Relationships

If you’re staying because you’re convinced the narcissist will change, or because you’re clinging to the love he or she initially showed, you’re probably setting yourself up for disappointment.

Narcissists are very good at convincing people of the fantasy of a relationship. They will promise you everything, but the truth is, they will never deliver.

If you choose to stay in the relationship, change is unlikely to come. Realize that the reasons you stay are largely based on a false sense of hope.

You may be convinced that you will never be able to do better, but that’s just another lie the narcissist is selling you. Don’t believe it.