In some of the scenes you’re in, you almost certainly have (or had, in my case) serious issues with your family. Most of the people in these crowds were fleeing. Those who were able to get out and make a living had low or no contact. If I had to guess, I’d say about half the people in this crowd had narcissistic parents. how did you know? After drinks, they always opened up about it. Or they’ll tell me just that.
Over time, I began to notice something interesting about children of narcissistic parents. They often had very similar traits. These are the things that usually bring me back to my childhood spent around a narcissist.
#Here are 9 simple signs that you dealt with narcissistic abuse as a child:
1. Perfectionism
Narcissistic parents tend to view their children as extensions of themselves. Since narcissists demand that everyone think of them as perfect, this often means that their children must be “perfect” as well.
I’ve seen a lot of young people have meltdowns because of bad grades in college. I have also seen these same young people struggle with eating disorders while also trying their best to be the popular kid in school. Even when they are not in contact, children of narcissistic parents often end up having a perfectionist streak. It is not uncommon for them to have mini panic attacks due to a bad review.
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2. People pleasing
Being subjected to narcissistic abuse seems to be the easiest way to turn someone into a people pleaser. This is because narcissists train you to believe that love should be conditional – or that you had to “earn it” as a child. Narcissists have this weird way of getting you addicted to validation. Your inner self-esteem becomes non-existent after a while. If you meet someone who finds it difficult to say no and does a lot of things to please people, that’s probably what made them that way. Children of narcissistic parents do not want validation. They need it. And trust me, many of them will go out of their way to get it.
3. Lethal behavior
So, there seem to be two types of outcomes for children of narcissistic parents. The first is perfectionism. The other deals with the kind of people I clicked within this scene: the dead. In other words, these are children who were either “perfect” or just wanted to rebel against the narcissist’s image by any means possible. A lot of the people I met in this particular music scene were “dead”.
On paper, they had nothing wrong with them. Until high school or college, they were getting good grades. Then they rebelled against the image their parents had. Then it became a matter of them not wanting to do anything with their lives. In theory, they should have been able to get a job and live a normal life. In practice, they often did little more than take drugs, get into trouble, and get angry at anyone who suggested any form of self-improvement. I don’t think they even realize that they may be acting contrary to their parent’s expectations.
4. Avoid relationships
I noticed this the most when I got into a relationship with a narcissistic child. Because they saw what their family dynamics were like, commitment was rarely possible for them. I always heard the same thing: “I’ve seen how my mom treats my dad. I don’t want to commit. She scares me.” Yes. You can thank the narcissistic parent for that.
5. The petty narcissist
This is a more tragic outcome, but I’ve seen it more often in family families where one (or both) parents are extreme narcissists. Narcissists have this way of raising more narcissists. I have noticed that this is often the case when spiritual abuse is mixed with narcissistic abuse. When you are indoctrinated by a narcissist who makes it seem like they somehow hold the key to heaven, they will do everything in their power to act like their parents. These people can be so deep down the rabbit hole that they believe everything they say. It’s a wild thing to see. But this doesn’t just happen with religious narcissists.
Excessive criticism (or praise) and high standards can also create narcissists. All of these actions are often done by narcissistic parents to their children. So…it’s a thing. (No. This is backed by modern science.)
6. Use of materials
Maybe it was just because it was a notorious drug scene, or maybe it was because I was addicted to hard drugs. Whatever the reason, I can’t help but notice how often drugs and alcohol are used as a way to deal with things. A childhood ruined by narcissistic family members is no exception to this rule. From what I’ve seen, many (if not most) adult children of narcissists go through a phase where they become addicted to something. Anything that can offer a chemical hug will be insanely tempting to a narcissistic child. This is why I’ve noticed that both ecstasy and benzos tend to be extraordinarily popular. Be careful who you give this benzo to!
7. Flattery to abusers
Narcissists crave validation and attention. They crave applause. When they are being abused, children often learn to calm them down by cajoling them (you guessed it!). Watch what happens when someone is mean to them or talks down to them. Does this person court that person or give him or her more preferential treatment? This is often a ‘tell’ that there is a narcissist in the family.
The narcissistic parent tends to train the people around them into flattering or enabling behavior. This behavior tends to carry over to other scenarios, especially at work or in bad relationships. The child of a narcissist often ends up in abusive or codependent relationships. It’s not just bad luck; It is their view that this behavior is normal in life. After seeing these people “in action,” I don’t buy the common trope that they hate themselves. Instead, I think they didn’t know how to defend themselves or whether they were wrong. I see this as a result of excessive lighting and a lack of training on how to maintain healthy boundaries. I mean, that’s literally what narcissists do. It takes away your self-defense skills (or prevents you from learning them) and makes you think it’s your fault.
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8. No talking
When you’re dealing with a lot of trauma, chances are you won’t want to talk about it unless you feel you have to. Even then, it is often done with a small number of mind-altering substances. People who have been abused by their parents often avoid discussing family matters. If they are raised by their parents, no kind word will be said. Or maybe you hear the classic phrase: “We don’t talk anymore.” More than one person I know in this cadre admitted to me that they lied and said that their parents were dead. Their parents were alive. They refused to see them again.
9. All apologies
Yes, I saw this too. Most people who have been children of narcissists (or just deal with a lot of narcissistic people) apologize at the drop of a hat — often for things that are completely out of their control. Narcissists blame others for their problems, even when it doesn’t make sense. This results in the type of person who constantly apologizes for things that have nothing to do with him. Oh, your team lost? “Sorry!” Oh, are you sick? “I’m very sorry!” Have you been fired by a superior? “sorry Sorry sorry!” Of course, the person in question has no reason to apologize; it’s a defensive reaction, just like everything else on this list.
