Most of us believe that our relationships are our safe spaces, places where we can be our true selves without having to hide or compromise.

This sounds perfect, doesn’t it?

But in reality, most relationships grow and develop and may not be ready for full and complete openness.

Instead, they are still home to negative emotions and behaviors that get in the way of bliss.

Judgment is one of the biggest issues hidden deep in many relationships.

When your partner judges you, they are essentially telling you that you are not good enough or that it is not okay to be yourself.

The person doing the judging usually does so because they feel insecure. The person being judged is made to feel unworthy and not good enough.

Judging each other can really destroy a relationship, whether it happens overtly or secretly.

Do you think this might happen to you?

If you’re feeling this way, it might be because of these 9 behaviors that your partner is secretly judging you.

1) Use your phone

If your partner is secretly judging you for anything, it’s probably your phone use.

This happens when you use your phone too much, making your partner feel ignored and upset.

Have you heard about phubbing? This is ignoring someone by using your phone when you are supposed to be listening or paying attention.

This can be a real pet peeve for partners who remember a time when you were very attentive to them.

Could it go the other way?

Of course – your partner may also secretly judge that you’re not using your phone enough. For them, this means that you’re not contactable enough, that you’re too slow to respond to texts they like, and that you’re not very available.

If only we could find a healthy compromise when it comes to phone use!

2) Your self-care routine

Believe it or not, one of the most common areas where people judge their partners is in their self-care routine.

This generally happens because one of you does a lot more than the other.

Those who do too much usually think that their partner does not do enough to take care of their hair, face, skin, body, etc. Your partner may be judged as lazy or even reckless.

On the other hand, the person who does much less may think that their partner is going above and beyond, spending too much time, and spending too much money. They may see this behavior as a vanity project.

3) Your work ethic

The ideal work-life balance varies from person to person.

Some people love their jobs and feel that they are a very important part of their personality. They may never stop working or calling, and this may seem like too much for their partners.

Others seek the rewards that hard work can bring, so they work incredibly long hours and never take a day off. Their partners may secretly feel that they are incorrigible workaholics.

On the other side of things, there are people who do as little work as possible. They feel that doing the bare minimum they have to do to survive is all they want to invest in their business.

They want to have free time to enjoy life and are happy to barter with low income people for this valuable commodity.

However, their partners may judge them as lazy and unmotivated.

Again, it all depends on your point of view.

4) Use of materials

Here’s one of those behaviors that I’m sure you expected to be on this list.

I can tell you that alcohol and cannabis use can be a cause of major discord in relationships.

It’s very easy to see why.

I met my ex-girlfriend at a nightclub. We were out having a good time and getting pretty drunk.

We had fun together, and because of the way we met, we often went out to clubs together – and that seemed to be something we had in common.

However, I was also older than her and was starting to feel like I was done with that lifestyle. Finally, I decided to stop drinking completely.

On the other hand, she continued to party almost all night.

Then, as you can guess, things started going south. I think she secretly saw me as some kind of prude or stuck-in-the-mud prude. I must admit that I judged her behavior to be self-destructive and counterproductive.

In the end, we broke up, and those secret provisions certainly had a lot to do with it.

5) Reward yourself

If you need to motivate yourself, rewards can be very helpful.

You might say to yourself: “If I go for a run this evening, I can have a glass of wine,” or “When I get this big project done, I’ll reward myself with a new phone.”

Sound like a good idea?

Your partner may not completely agree.

The truth is that running keeps you fit and healthy, and isn’t that reward enough in itself?

Or what about this project – does the money you earned from it actually cover the cost of the new phone?

Sometimes, our partners may see our intrinsic rewards as signs that we are not self-motivated enough. They may even view our interactions as selfish because they have not been taken into account in the entire process.

6) The company you keep

that is it. You’ve been waiting for this, haven’t you?

This is because you know as well as I do that partners secretly like to judge each other about who they spend time with outside of the relationship.

Your partner may be having a disagreement with someone, and even though you don’t share it, they may not agree to spend time with that person.

Maybe they hate some of your old friends and have a hard time understanding why you still like them.

Well, it’s no secret that this kind of judgment can cause damage to a couple. It’s always based on jealousy or rejection, and those are not the types of feelings you want in your relationship.

7) Avoid conflict

Different people have different styles when it comes to conflict.

Some people like to run over each other, clash with each other, and fight until they succeed in coming up with something.

Other people let things simmer and simmer beneath the surface, and then suddenly emerge explosively from their problems.

Some people are very balanced and able to discuss their contradictory opinions without getting upset.

Then there are people who avoid conflict, preferring to let things go or ignore problems rather than confront them.

If this is your conflict style, your partner may think you are avoidant or even afraid to stand up for yourself.

This is especially the case when they are more confrontational than you.

8) Evading responsibility

We all have responsibilities in our lives, but they come in two very different ways.

On the one hand, we accept the responsibilities imposed on us by our situation in life, such as caring for our elderly parents or maintaining our homes.

On the other hand, many responsibilities are sought out or added to our lives by choice, such as joining a volunteer organization or deciding to become a rescue dog parent.

There is no set amount of responsibility you have to take on in your life, and people take on more or less as they see fit.

Many people don’t want to burden themselves with too many extra responsibilities (which is why I’ll never have a pool!) and just want life to be comfortable and easy.

However, their partners may secretly judge them on this basis. They may believe their motives are lazy and selfish rather than just being carefree.

9) Spend that money

I knew you’d expect to see this issue on the list, so I thought I’d save the biggest issue for last.

Money is one of the biggest sticking points in any relationship, so it’s no wonder your partner is secretly judging your financial behavior without your knowledge.

They may think you’re spending too much and worry that you’ll bring yourself, and perhaps them, financial ruin.

Or they may think you’re as tough and curmudgeonly as Scrooge McDuck. They may want you to pay more or take a larger share of the bills.

Our partners often judge us for spending money thoughtlessly or, conversely, thinking too long before making any purchase.

Either way, this judgment can be a real problem in your relationship that may not stay secret for long – and usually leads to a fight!

Conclusion

These 9 behaviors that your partner may secretly judge you for can become big problems in your relationship.