You know that narcissists hurt people in many ways. They lie, cheat, steal, and manipulate to get their needs met. They constantly engage in these toxic patterns without any real regard for how they affect others.

Narcissistic projection occurs when a narcissist cannot handle certain feelings or experiences. It happens more often than you probably realize, and they use projection to transfer the crimes of their relationship onto you. Let’s get into how it all works.

What is projection narcissism?

Projection is a primitive defense mechanism that people use to protect themselves. When someone schemes, they are unconsciously transferring their unwanted traits or emotions onto another person.

Most people plan from time to time. For example, someone may not like a particular co-worker. But instead of admitting it to themselves, they automatically convince themselves that their co-worker doesn’t like them. Or, the bully may feel insecure about their appearance, but choose someone else to avoid painful introspection.

Narcissistic projection is a destructive form of projection that often combines gaslighting, lying, and emotional abuse. It’s confusing and can come out of nowhere sometimes.

But their terrible reaction is in response to a narcissistic injury. They are mad at you because they can’t handle feeling uncomfortable, unloved, or unworthy. And when they make a mistake, they cannot take personal responsibility for their actions. As a result, any time you confront or even challenge their behavior, you are likely to receive their expectations.

They accuse you of cheating

Being blamed for being insincere (even when you’ve never done anything wrong) is a classic sign of narcissistic projection. If you hear this claim a lot, beware. Your partner may be cheating on you. If they haven’t already, they probably are close to it.

Sometimes, this is a form of guilt transfer. Although they will never admit it, the narcissist knows they did something wrong. And so, to avoid sitting with that painful feeling, they bring it back to you.

Other times, they will accuse you of hurting them simply wanting to test your loyalty over and over again. They want you to comfort them and reassure them that you will never leave. After all, even though the narcissist present with overconfidence, they depend on their narcissistic supply to ensure their worth.

Unfortunately, this is never enough. Even if you promised your loyalty a million times over, they would still find ways to challenge him. They don’t accept things at face value, and they want you to constantly demonstrate how much you care in the relationship.

They say you are addicted

Maybe you enjoy an occasional glass of wine after work. Or you shop online too much when you can’t sleep at night.

We all have vices, but a narcissist likes to accuse people of being outright addictive or “problematic” when they disagree with certain behaviors. Often, these accusations allow them to avoid taking responsibility for their bad habits.

Furthermore, many narcissists struggle with addiction problems of their own. But, of course, they rarely admit the seriousness of their problem. Instead, they usually minimize, justify or deny what they do.

And even if your problems are close to addictive, the narcissist will likely exaggerate them. You might even start to question yourself, wondering if they know something about you that you don’t. It can be awkward and confusing, especially if they share their concerns with other people in your life.

They call you a bad parent

You love your children, and you would do anything to take care of or protect them. You never claim to be perfect, but you do your best in parenting.

However, the narcissist will always have some problem with what you do. No matter how much you try, there will always be something wrong or not good enough.

Narcissistic parents are overly judgmental, critical, and resentful—they blame their parents and children for everything that goes wrong in their lives. Instead of thinking about how to change their behavior, they attack others.

Thus, the narcissist will question your choices and make passive-aggressive comments about your behaviors. They will also try to pit your children against you – especially if you are no longer in a relationship together.

Of course, this projection is a form of absolving them from personal accountability. Narcissistic parents cause huge damage to their families. At the most basic level, they can’t even properly love their children. But if you ask them directly, they often think they are the best and most selfless parents in the world.

They blame you for money problems

Narcissists often use financial abuse to control their partners. Financial abuse can be severe, such as completely restricting access to money or banking information. But it may also be less obvious.

For example, a narcissist might encourage you to quit your job to focus on your passions (so that they can be the primary breadwinner and have more “say” in spending). Or they may make frequent comments about what you’re buying, leaving you feeling guilty and unsure of your choices.

Either way, if financial problems arise, they won’t be held responsible for it. Instead, it will be your fault for spending too much money, not earning enough, or not caring about your financial health.

They assume that others hate them

It is a misconception that narcissists think that everyone adores them. Most see the world as extreme – everything is either perfect, or it’s a failure. They either love someone or hate them. There is little tolerance for anything that falls in between.

Therefore, even with a hint of nervousness, they will immediately assume that someone is out to get to them. This is why they often come across as not very confident and even paranoid. They rarely trust others and tend to think that even their loved ones will turn against them.

This type of projection explains why many narcissists cut people off without giving it much thought. When they see that someone could threaten their ego, they remove themselves as fast as they can.

They focus excessively on your appearance

Narcissists feel entitled to get what they want. Therefore, they often want their partners to look their best.

But they usually have double standards, and their standards are impossibly unrealistic. For example, they may expect you to remain a size zero with no evidence of gray hair or wrinkles. But they may walk around with a noticeable belly and obvious signs of aging.

At the same time, they will also use your appearance against you. If they think you’re getting too much attention, they’ll try to control how you look, what you wear, and how you take care of your body. Some narcissists will blatantly sabotage their partners in this way.

No matter the exact circumstances, the rules are clear. They are allowed to criticize your appearance. But if you mention that they change their shirt, eat healthier, or cut their hair, all hell will break loose.

They call you (or others) a narcissist

Narcissists love to be the victims in their lives. They will be quick to label other people with diagnosed or mental health conditions. If they learn of narcissism, they may throw the term at you or someone else.

At the same time, some narcissists are aware that they have narcissistic traits. Of course, having this insight does not automatically translate into change. Narcissists with higher levels of self-awareness may justify their negative characteristics. Or they may blame someone or something else for causing them to be this way.

They blame you for not caring about them

You are acting very selfishly. You don’t take my needs into account. You know I’m struggling, and you don’t seem to care.

This is one of the universal signs of narcissism. Almost every narcissist uses this form of narcissistic projection to induce feelings of guilt.

If the narcissist feels you have any doubts about the relationship, they will use them against you. And if you take it a step further and end things, you can expect them to accuse you of abandoning them, not caring for them, or hurting them just like everyone else. They will put you in a vicious losing loop, and they know that loop can tempt you back to them.

Of course, this projection is just a mirror of their issues. They don’t care about you as a person. Instead, they care what you give them.