I’m a very lucky man!
…
You’re an embarrassment! Who else would love you?!
These two phrases certainly can’t be used by the same person…
…Wrong.
All narcissists can use them in relationships on a daily basis.
The Jekyll and Hyde persona can be soul-destroying – but there are other ways they treat you in public versus in private.
Knowing each of them, means gaining the upper hand over their toxic personality.
I have 8 ways narcissists treat you differently and act like two complete opposites…
…Are you ready?
Narcissists: Why Change?
Narcissists refuse to let anyone in on their true selves. The toxicity behind their mask is truly evil, but if they keep it behind closed doors, they can act like a formal charmer in public.
Knowing that there are two sides to every narcissist is frustrating for victims who know the truth, but what happens?
Related : You Must Never Say These 10 Things to a Narcissist
When you try to convince everyone of what you see, you end up looking like you’re crazy!
That’s exactly what a narcissist wants.
8 Ways Narcissists Treat You: In Public vs. Behind Closed Doors
1 Spokesperson vs. Smiling
You’re the one they complain to. They tell you how much they hate you and what they despise in everyday life.
Narcissists hate most things, and they use you as their mouthpiece to hear everything.
You hear it all, and you smile and nod. Soon, it becomes a drain that you collapse every time they open their mouth and talk about those you love and care about.
Your smile is forced because you have to pretend to be happy.
They smile because they want to act like all this complaining and whining never happened.
They approach the people they just screwed over, and act like you’re their best friend.
You’re confused. Why are they so inconsistent in their private and public lives? I know we all love to complain from time to time, but this negativity was spiteful and filled with the real purpose of hurting others.
2 Cut Your Enthusiasm – Everything is Fine
I don’t want to go to this party.
I told you, there’s no part of me that looks forward to seeing your family and friends.
I’m not in the mood, yet you insist on dragging me along.
Related : The Number One Reason Why Empaths Struggle To Let Go of Narcissists
I told you, I’m not a fan of this movie series. Yet, here we are anyway.
It all starts behind closed doors. You hear him, you feel like throwing in the towel and calling, but you promised your loved ones you’d show up.
You knew this was going to happen; the narcissist always spoils things before you leave the house. He doesn’t want to leave – it’s all about him.
You leave the house – and you’re finally on your way and all you hear is his childless whining about wanting to stay home.
You end up late – but before you have a chance to open your mouth – the narcissist opens his.
Oh, you know how they are! They didn’t know what dress to wear – that’s why we were late!
You can’t believe it. In one moment the tables have turned, and you’re in charge.
3 Criticism vs. Compliment
You look terrible. I hate being seen with you when you don’t put in the effort.
Hello everyone! Here we are, doesn’t my wife look absolutely amazing tonight?
She drains you in one breath, and brags about you in the next.
Where does that leave you and your self-esteem?
You want to cry, but you also want to hide.
I get it. This treatment is done to make you feel bad about yourself, and to give you a terrible, untrue complex about your appearance.
4 Withholding Money – Money Is No Barrier
Behind closed doors, you can expect the narcissist in your life to be obsessed with controlling money.
Sometimes, you may see no money coming to you if you share bank accounts. It’s not uncommon for narcissists to keep your passcodes, and hand over the bare minimum of what you need.
However…
In public, that money will almost be thrown in the air. Look at me, look at how much money I have! Look how generous I am!
No one needs to know the truth—except you, of course.
5 The Toxic Magician
Toxic to you—charming to everyone. It can act as a trigger for any victim when they see the person they’ve fallen in love with using that same charm in public.
Related : What’s Wrong With Shitting on Narcissists?
Now, you know this is all fake.
Narcissists want everyone to like them, and they will do whatever it takes to get that.
6 Abuse vs. the Perfect Image
One client told me her father used to say,
I don’t want any of the family business going out the front door. What happens in this house, stays in this house. It has nothing to do with anyone else.
At the time, she said she did what she was told; convinced that her family business was sacred.
It wasn’t a private matter; it was abuse.
Because no one brought it up, it meant that her father, the narcissist, could get away with it as the boss of that perfect image.
Does this sound familiar?
7 Annoyance vs. Love of My Life
What a hurtful way to treat me, isn’t it?
You’re easy to get along with.
It doesn’t matter if you’re in my life or not.
You feel frustrated and hopeless, but in public, you’re treated like you’re the love of the narcissist’s life—and they may even tell their audience that.
Related : The Things Narcissists Can’t Do For You
They want to appear to be the kindest, most caring person in the eyes of everyone else so that they can maintain the idea that they’re great in every way.
You know they’re not, though!
8 The “After” Shift
Leaving an event with a narcissist when they’ve been on their best behavior all evening can leave you feeling warm and cozy inside.
It’s refreshing to be with them in a good mood, full of joy, and happy to be hanging out with you.
Until they get in the car.
Suddenly: radio silence.
You did something wrong.
You said something wrong.
You flirted with someone.
Whatever the mistake—expect this shift to happen once they find you alone.
Remember, narcissists have worn themselves out pretending all night, and now they need to take off the mask and let their negativity flow freely.
It’s a shame to have to bear everything, isn’t it?
