Key Points
People with Narcissistic Personality Disorder often undermine others in an attempt to gain power or feel superior.
The tactics of narcissists can be powerful and hurtful to those around them.
By learning how a narcissist’s arsenal works, you can minimize the potential harm they may try to inflict on you.
Because of Narcissistic Personality Disorder, narcissists tend to live life as a zero-sum game where there are only winners and losers in any interaction or relationship.
Narcissists, who fear feeling like “losers” or being seen as such, use a variety of tactics designed to devalue, belittle, and control others. Many of these tactics come naturally to narcissists and can be difficult to spot.
8 Most Powerful Narcissistic Tactics:
When dealing with narcissists, forewarning means being prepared.
- Labeling
Narcissists love labels. Knowing that uttering a single word can temporarily diminish or silence another person’s sense of self can feel incredibly powerful to a narcissist. Examples include calling someone “loser,” “failure,” “stupid,” “weak,” or “needy.” Ironically, narcissists’ labels reveal more about the narcissist than their target. One of the hallmarks of narcissism is the frequent use of the defense mechanism of projection. Projection occurs when we unconsciously attribute to others feelings and judgments that we cannot bear to acknowledge within ourselves. The most commonly used labels narcissists tend to reflect their deepest insecurities about themselves.
Related : The Narcissist’s 2 Secret Powers
For example, if “stupid” is a description that narcissists resort to, it may indicate how desperate they are to feel smart, often in response to their deep-seated fears of inadequacy.
Narcissists who like to describe others as “weak” may reveal their fear that not being strong will put them in mortal danger.
- Substitution
When we ignore or run away from unpleasant feelings, they may indirectly show up as ostracized aspects of ourselves. Narcissists do not tolerate painful feelings. As a result, they tend to take out uncomfortable feelings on those around them.
For example, narcissists tend to carry a great deal of shame, but this is rarely in their conscious awareness. Instead, they transfer their shame to others by trying to make others feel inferior and “carry” the narcissist’s shame on their behalf.
For example, narcissists’ fears of being illegitimate may lead them to question the legitimacy of others. Their fear of being flawed may arise in the form of repeating someone else’s simple mistake in a perfectly good performance.
- Exaggeration
Narcissistic personality disorder is characterized by a distorted view of self, others, and the world. Because of narcissists’ tendency toward grandiosity, exaggeration is second nature to narcissists. Thus, narcissists’ appearance, accomplishments, and possessions are the “greatest,” “perfect,” and “best.”
Narcissists tend to exaggerate in reverse when applied to others. They may tell you that your comment was “the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard,” that your clothes were “the ugliest,” or that your performance was “the worst in history.”
- Ignoring
Narcissists have found that never backing down, even when they’re wrong, can be a winning tactic. When other people face constant rejection from the narcissist, they may simply give in and let the narcissist do what they want, much to the narcissist’s delight.
- Blaming Others
Narcissists often blame one individual for the group’s problems. In doing so, they gain power, evade any responsibility for creating the problems, and disavow their purpose, which serves as a warning to others who might consider challenging the narcissist.
- Intimidation
Narcissists tend to be domineering. They try to get what they want through brute force—verbal, psychological, or emotional.
It’s important to recognize intimidation and abuse. As the saying goes, “If you see something, say something.” Remember: Intimidating or threatening others is illegal in most places.
- Manipulation
Narcissists deny what you know to be true in an attempt to destabilize you. For example, a narcissist may take something that belongs to you right in front of you, but when you bring it up, deny it happened. They will insist that you are imagining things, and deny all evidence to the contrary. The longer this manipulation continues, the more self-doubt you may feel about your perceptions.
- Dehumanization
Like authoritarian regimes, narcissists label others as inferior, unworthy, or evil to justify their oppression or attack. They may devalue you through dismissive comments, hostile humor, or treating you as an “other,” seeking to make you feel subhuman and alone.
While we can empathize with anyone who struggles with a personality disorder or unhealthy narcissism, we do not have to accept manipulative or controlling behavior from anyone. You have the right to be free from abuse in your personal and professional life. Defend that right.
