Do you feel that your family treats you differently from others? Perhaps you noticed a lack of respect in their interactions with you?
If this is the case, you will likely feel hurt by their behaviour. You may also feel a sense of abandonment, betrayal, or even worse, anxiety or depression.
After all, we tend to feel things more intensely when it comes to our own flesh and blood.
In this article, I’ll cover 8 warning signs your family doesn’t respect you, followed by possible reasons why, and finally, what you can do about it.
I hope reading this will provide you with some clarity about your situation, as well as a way to move on with your life.
Let’s move on to:
1) Constant criticism
Do you feel like your family is constantly making decisions for you?
It seems like you just can’t get it right – there’s always someone criticizing your choice of partner, clothing, or profession, just to list a few things.
This is a sign of disrespect.
As an adult, you are free to make your own decisions. And while your family can share constructive feedback, they shouldn’t feel like they can’t ignore your decisions.
2) Dismiss your feelings
I have often felt disrespected by some members of my extended family. Grow up, they would be quick to get rid of my feelings…
“Stop being so sensitive,” or “Why do you take everything so seriously?”
Forget the fact that those family members hurt you with their harsh words or actions – and then dare to blame you for feeling bad!
This indicates complete disregard for your feelings. It also shows that they are not willing to consider their behavior and take responsibility for their role in the conflict.
3) Ignore the limits
Now, if you really want to know whether or not your family respects you, think about the boundaries you set…
You may have asked your mom to keep certain information private, but she spreads it across the whole family.
Or you have asked a sibling to respect your personal space and possessions. But for whatever reason, they keep crossing that boundary.
Whether it’s emotional or physical, if they can’t stick to the boundaries you set for your well-being, it’s a sign that they don’t respect you.
4) Underestimate your accomplishments
In an ideal world, family would support and encourage you as you achieve your goals.
In fact, it is rarely so obvious.
Take my partner, for example. He had done a lot in his life, especially for someone coming from a small farming village.
Yet his family would belittle his accomplishments, even mocking them. Sometimes I wonder if it’s coming from a place of jealousy or resentment.
Either way, it’s still a clear indication that they don’t respect him, which is pretty heartbreaking.
5) Talk to you
The following warning sign is easy to ignore, but it is a very clear example of disrespect.
Suppose you are sitting around the dinner table discussing everyday things. When you begin to speak, your family continues to speak to you.
It does not allow you to share your opinion or provide a new topic for discussion.
This indicates that they do not value your opinion or your contribution to the conversation. I know this is a bad situation.
Don’t worry – later in the article I’ll share possible reasons why your family might not respect you, and what to do about it.
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6) Not respecting your time
Picture this – you spent all day cooking, cleaning and preparing your home to welcome your family to dinner.
It’s seven o’clock in the evening, and no one shows up. When you check your phone, you might have got the time wrong…
no. It’s there in black and white.
Sure, your family might have some pretty compelling excuses when they finally show up, but all it really shows is that they don’t respect your effort or your time.
And that translates to a lack of respect for you as a person — why is your time less valuable than anyone else’s?
7) Your exclusion
Have you ever heard of family meals or get-togethers after the fact?
Do your family members “accidentally” forget to send your invite on a regular basis?
If so, this is another warning sign that your family is not respecting your participation. For some reason, they don’t think it’s important for you to join the others.
I can imagine how much it hurt me with friends. But family is a whole different ball game, and being left out can be incredibly painful.
8) I always blame you
A few years ago, two of my cousins (my sisters) fell. I was staying at their house. I had nothing to do with the fallout, but somehow I was blamed for the whole thing.
I remember then I did not understand why everything was fixed on me.
But as time went by and watching the behavior of those cousins of ours set towards me, I realized it was because they didn’t respect me. It was easy to use me as a scapegoat for them.
And in the end, they didn’t care about hurting my feelings in the process.
Can you relate to this?
If it’s a one-time thing, you can put it down to a misunderstanding. But if it happens too often, unfortunately, it is a clear warning that your family lacks respect for you.
So now that you have an idea of where you stand with your family, you might be wondering…
Why doesn’t your family respect you?
Before I get to the things you can do if you feel disrespected by your family, let’s take a look at some of the reasons why you might find yourself in this situation in the first place.
However, keep in mind that these are very general reasons that don’t take into account family dynamics or specific history.
You have different values and beliefs: If you go against the customs and traditions of your family, they may find it difficult to understand your lifestyle. But instead of trying to bridge the differences, they may end up disrespecting your choices.
Unresolved Issues: If you have had rocky relationships with some family members that weren’t dealt with before, they may still be holding on to negative feelings that lead to disrespectful behavior.
Lack of Communication: If your family struggles to listen and empathize, consider your points of view, and ask questions, they may disrespect you as a result of not understanding you.
Controlling or power dynamics: If one or more members of your family exhibit toxic behaviors such as controlling, they may use disrespect as a way to maintain their power over you.
Ultimately, you will have to consider your specific family situation to truly understand where this lack of respect is coming from.
And once you’ve done that, check out the tips below:
How do you deal with a family that does not respect you?
Here comes the scary part – actively dealing with a family that clearly has zero respect for you.
I can’t stress enough how important it is to protect your mental and emotional health, so always keep that in mind when the going gets tough…
Set strong boundaries: and make sure you stick to the consequences if boundaries are not respected! Yes, you will annoy some people, but they might take you more seriously the second time around. And for repeat offenders? Consider whether it is worth keeping someone like that in your life.
Be assertive: Learn to stand your ground and stick to yourself, all while being calm and composed. Express your feelings clearly and don’t let others get all over you.
Improve Your Communication Skills: Your family will likely benefit from this too, but you can always lead by example. Learn how to express yourself without becoming discouraged, but also actively listen to others.
Now, the above tips will only work if your family is willing to put in the effort as well. The fact is that you can try until your face turns blue, and if they don’t want to make positive changes, nothing will work.
