In a healthy relationship, you see each other as equals.
You may have different roles and responsibilities, and you will certainly bring different things to the relationship. But there should be a balance between power and how much you contribute.
So what does it look like if you’re in an imbalanced relationship?
One person likely has more power than the other, or perhaps one person does more work and contributes more than the other.
When there’s no balance, bad things can happen. Often, one person feels taken advantage of or underappreciated, while the other feels entitled.
You’d better believe that this can lead to resentment and even the complete dissolution of the relationship.
So, here are eight warning signs that you’re in a one-sided relationship to help you figure out where you stand and think about what to do about it.
1) You’re Feeling Burned Out
If you’re constantly feeling burned out by the relationship, it’s probably because it’s one-sided.
As with many couples, you’re putting in more than your fair share of effort to make things run smoothly and happily between you, while your partner seems to be doing absolutely nothing.
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This isn’t just frustrating, it can be downright exhausting. You may feel like you’re the only one who cares, and that’s not a great place to be.
If you’re the only one doing the hard work while your partner doesn’t lift a finger, things are unbalanced and unbalanced.
2) You’re the only one making the sacrifices
One big warning sign that you’re in a one-sided relationship is that it involves one person making sacrifices while the other doesn’t.
For relationships to work, compromise is almost always necessary. If you’re lucky, you’ll be able to come to agreements and compromises so that you both get what you want without having to compromise too much or perhaps nothing at all.
But in most relationships, sacrifices are necessary.
But if the sacrifices come from only one side, it won’t feel fair and equal.
I was in this situation once with an ex.
While it’s hard to believe now, I moved across the country to be with her. I quit my job and moved to a new city where I knew almost no one because she needed to be there for her job.
I struggled to find work and make new friends, while for her, it was business as usual. Well, that was my choice, right?
But I soon found myself making more sacrifices. She loved staying home and always wanted me to stay with her when I wanted to go out to try to build friendships.
There were more things, but all the sacrifices were coming from my side, and I started to resent that and the fact that she didn’t make any changes to accommodate me.
If this is how you feel in your relationship, trust me, things are definitely out of balance.
3) Your partner never apologizes
You do, but he seems perfect.
He’s never wrong, and it’s never his fault.
Instead, you always find yourself the one apologizing after disagreements arise. But honestly, is it always your fault?
It may seem impossible because it is.
No one is perfect, so while you may have reason to apologize often, your partner will almost certainly need to take the blame sometimes too.
If they don’t, they probably aren’t treating you fairly or respectfully, and your relationship isn’t equal and balanced.
4) You invest more money and take less
How do you balance your relationship when it comes to money?
Do you invest more than your share while your partner takes more than their share?
Is it the other way around?
Or are things different?
It’s not unusual for one partner to earn more than the other, but it’s unusual for the person who earns less to take more of the couple’s money.
What this usually represents is what the scientific community calls “exploitation.”
There are always reasons why partners help each other with money, but we’re talking about patterns here. If one partner is completely taking advantage of the other, I think there is a problem.
5) You Feel Insecure in the Relationship
Feelings of insecurity can be a sign of a power imbalance within a relationship.
You may feel like you don’t have much say or power in the relationship while your partner is really in the lead.
They may act in a non-committal way or, worse, actively make you feel like your position is insecure.
They may even go so far as to tell you that they’re thinking about leaving or finding someone new.
This will make you feel insecure and allow you to see clearly that your relationship is not balanced.
Or if the other person doesn’t seem to be putting any effort into the relationship, you may feel something completely different. You may feel like you don’t know where you stand because they don’t seem committed or interested.
This is a terrible feeling to have to live with.
6) One of You Makes All the Decisions
Making decisions is not easy.
Making big decisions takes a lot of thought and energy, and if you have to do everything yourself, it can be exhausting.
If you have a partner who consistently lets you make all the tough decisions on your own, your relationship is likely one-sided.
These decisions might be about major purchases, where to live, how to resolve problems or even relationship issues. No matter what, your partner offers almost no input, leaving you to do all the work.
On the other hand, you may find that your partner makes all the decisions in your relationship and doesn’t allow you any input at all.
This can leave you feeling in control and helpless.
True balance can only be found when you can both offer input, weigh options, and come to conclusions together.
7) You’re always the one who starts the big conversations
When it comes time to talk about money, you’re always the one who has to bring it up.
Do you need to talk about big decisions about kids or pets? You again.
Shouldn’t you be the one talking about what’s going on in your relationship? Guess what — you’ll be the one who has to talk about it.
That’s because you’re always the one who has to initiate these important conversations, and your partner would be happy to let things drag on otherwise.
If this frustration sounds exactly like what’s happening in your relationship, remember that you may have different communication styles.
But it could also be a big sign that things aren’t balanced in your relationship.
8) You’re Making Excuses for Them
Do you always find yourself having to justify your partner’s behavior?
Maybe they’re late all the time, and you’re the one making the apologies. Or maybe they forget to do important things, and you have to be the one to explain to others.
Or to yourself.
Making excuses for their behavior puts you in a weird position.
This usually means that they haven’t done their part or fulfilled their responsibilities, but you’re the one making excuses.
This means you’re doing more work!
What can you do if you find yourself in a one-sided relationship?
If you recognize these eight warning signs that you’re in a one-sided relationship, how can you rebalance things?
The first step is to figure out which way the scales are tilting.
Is this a power imbalance, and you feel like you have no power?
Or is it an imbalance of effort, and you’re doing way too much?
By isolating what’s out of balance, you can then look for a way to bring things back into balance. You may feel like you need more voice in the relationship, or you may think your partner needs to do more work.
The next step is to talk about it. Remember, this is your perspective, and your partner may not share it. Your partner may feel like the balance has tipped in the opposite direction.
It’s also important not to come to your partner with a list of demands and make them feel attacked. It’s much more effective to focus on yourself and say, “This is how I feel,” and “This is what I’d like to see more of.”
By sharing your feelings and being open, you may be able to bring things back into balance. But you may also find that no change is coming, and you may have to consider leaving the relationship instead to find something more equal.
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