In a healthy relationship, you see each other as equals.
You may have different roles and responsibilities, and you are sure to bring different things to the relationship. But there must be a balance in both strength and amount of contribution.
So, what would it look like if you were in an imbalanced relationship?
It may be characterized by one person having more power than another, or perhaps one person does more work and contributes more than another.
When there is no balance, bad things can happen. Often one person feels used or unappreciated, while the other feels entitled.
You better believe this can lead to resentment and even a complete breakup of the relationship.
So, here are eight warning signs that you’re in a one-sided relationship to help you figure out where you’re at and think about what you’re going to do about it.
1) You feel exhausted
If you feel like a relationship is constantly destroying you, it’s probably because it’s one-sided.
As is the case with many couples, you are putting in more than your share of effort to make things smooth and happy between you, while your partner seems to be doing no work at all.
Not only is this frustrating, it can really crush you. You may feel like you’re the only one who cares, and that’s definitely not a great place to find yourself.
If you’re the only one doing the heavy lifting and your partner doesn’t lift a finger, things are definitely out of balance and out of balance.
2) You are the only one who makes sacrifices
One of the big warning signs of a one-sided relationship is that it involves one person making sacrifices while the other makes none.
For relationships to succeed, compromise is almost always necessary. If you’re lucky, you’ll be able to come to agreements and compromises so you both get what you want without having to give up too much, or perhaps nothing at all.
But for most relationships, sacrifices may be necessary.
However, if they come from only one side, things will not seem equally fair.
I’ve been in this situation once with an ex
Although it’s hard for me to believe it now, I moved across the country to be with her. I quit my job and moved to a new city where I knew almost no one, because that’s where she had to be for her job.
She struggled to find work and make new friends, when for her it was business as usual. Well, that was my choice, wasn’t it?
But I soon found myself making more sacrifices. She was quite a homebody and always wanted me to stay with her when I wanted to go out to try and build friendships.
There was more to it, but all the sacrifices were coming from my side, and I started to resent that and the fact that she never made any changes to suit me.
If this is how things feel in your relationship, trust me, things are definitely out of balance.
3) Your partner never apologizes
You do, but it seems perfect.
They are never wrong, and it is never their fault.
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Instead, you always find yourself the one who says sorry after conflicts arise. But honestly, is it always your fault?
It may seem impossible because it is.
No one is perfect, so although you may have reason to apologize often, your partner will definitely need to take the blame sometimes, too.
If they don’t, they probably aren’t treating you fairly or with respect, and your relationship isn’t equal and balanced.
4) You invest more money and exit less
How is your relationship balanced when it comes to finances?
Are you putting in more than your share while your partner takes more than his?
Is it the opposite?
Or are things different?
It is not unusual for one partner to make more than the other, but it is unusual for the person who earns less to have more of the couple’s money.
What this typically represents is something the scientific community calls “futility.”
There are always reasons why partners help each other with money, but we’re talking patterns here. If one partner is completely making fun of the other, I think there is definitely a problem.
5) You feel insecure in the relationship
Feelings of insecurity can be a sign of a power imbalance within a relationship.
You may feel like you don’t have much say or power in the relationship when your partner is actually the one behind the wheel.
They may act in a disengaged manner, or worse, make you feel like your position is unsafe.
They may go so far as to tell you that they are thinking about leaving or finding someone new.
This is bound to make you feel insecure and make you see clearly that your relationship is imbalanced.
Or if the other person doesn’t seem to be putting anything into the relationship or making any effort, you may feel something completely different. You may feel like you don’t know where you stand because they don’t seem committed or interested.
This is a terrible feeling to live with.
6) One of you makes all the decisions
Making decisions is not easy.
It takes a lot of thought and energy to make big choices, and if you have to do it yourself, it can be stressful.
If you have a partner who always lets you make all the tough decisions yourself, your relationship will likely be completely one-sided.
These may be decisions about large purchases, where to live, how to solve problems, or even about relationship issues. No matter what it’s about, your partner makes almost no input, leaving you to do all the work.
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On the other hand, you may find that your partner makes all the decisions in your relationship and doesn’t allow you any input at all.
This can make you feel controlled and helpless.
True balance is only found when you can provide input, evaluate options, and come to conclusions together.
7) You’re always the one who starts the big conversations
When it’s time to talk about money, you’re always the one who should bring it up.
Need to talk about big decisions related to kids or pets? You again.
Shouldn’t you talk about what’s going on in your relationship? Guess what – you’ll be the one who has to bring it up.
This is because you are always the one who has to initiate these important conversations, and your partner will be happy to leave things hanging otherwise.
If this frustration sounds exactly like what’s happening in your relationship, remember that you may have different communication styles.
But it could also be a big sign that things are out of balance in your relationship.
8) You make excuses for them
Do you always find yourself having to justify your partner’s behavior?
You may be late all the time because of them, and you are the one apologizing. Or maybe they forget to do important things and you should be the one to explain them to others.
Or for yourself.
Making excuses for their behavior puts you in a strange position.
This usually means that they haven’t done their share or lived up to their responsibilities, but you’re the one doing the work of making excuses.
This means you do more work!
What can you do if you find yourself in a one-sided relationship?
If you recognize these eight warning signs that you’re in a one-sided relationship, how can you rebalance things?
The first step is to know which way the scale is tipped.
Is this a power imbalance, and you feel like you don’t have any?
Or is it a lack of effort, and you are putting in more than your share?
By isolating what is out of balance, you can then look for a way to bring things back into balance. You may feel like you need a bigger voice in the relationship, or you may think that your partner needs to put in more work.
The next step is to talk about it. Remember, this is your perspective, and your partner may not share it. Your partner may feel that the scale is tipping in the opposite direction.
It’s also important that you don’t come to your partner with a list of demands and make them feel attacked. It’s much more effective to focus on yourself and say, “This is how I feel” and “This is what I would like to see more of.”
