When you first met, he was the perfect balance of danger and charm. He was mesmerizing in his magnetic energy, and you were instantly struck by lightning. He was practically exuding sensuality. He was handsome and attractive. Maybe you felt like your chemistry was off the charts. He was “Mr. Marvelous!”
You had no idea that he was showing signs of sociopathy – and that you would eventually marry a sociopath.
This is how things begin, slow and seductive. It was motivating and exciting. He captivated you, mesmerized you, and then captivated you. At first, it felt too good to be true. guess what? It was like that, and now you’ve lost your way and feel isolated.
Unfortunately, I learned firsthand that courtship and premarital sex were one thing, but after marriage, its true colors and social markers came out.
Now the former Mr. Right is reorganizing your life: controlling how you feel (like you’re a loser), convincing you what you think (it’s your fault), and dictating how you should act (to do it perfectly next time). – To please him.)
The cold, hard truth is this: You are married to a sociopath.
Related: Why Narcissists Love Bomb You (And How To Recognize When It’s Happening)
Sociopathy is the result of environmental factors, such as early traumatic experiences or a negative home life (physical and emotional abuse). Most of them are males who have acts of anger and/or violence, are impulsive and display high-risk behaviors without regard to the consequences (criminal acts, drug addiction, etc.).
However, in your own life, these behaviors may manifest in a number of ways, which may make identifying your spouse as a sociopath difficult.
Here are 8 signs of sociopathy that you should pay attention to:
- He uses sex for his own gain.
His demands became more compatible with his sexual desires, and sex soon became another tool for him to communicate pain, pleasure, or pressure. The magic is gone and all you’re left with is the feeling of being completely trapped in a nightmare. - He criticizes you verbally – often in front of others.
Or he sends you mixed messages, being harsh one moment and saying, “I will change” the next. But it never does, leaving you sad and confused. - He is narcissistic to the extreme.
It’s always about him and what he needs and wants and how that affects him. He lacks empathy, has a sense of entitlement, and fantasizes about success, power, perfect love (and more). I always thought he was brilliantly successful, and I was very lucky to have him – until he wasn’t. - Your needs go unnoticed and unmet.
It’s as if there is no space for you in this relationship, leaving you unheard, unacknowledged, hurt, and angry. You are emotionally exhausted from the mental and emotional games he constantly plays with you. At the end of the day, you don’t know what kind of mood you’ll be in or what kind of night you’ll have to face. - Lying is as natural to him as taking a breath.
He’s lying about little things in the moment, and often these are lies that don’t make sense or seem to have no reason. Then he lies about the big things. Vague answers as if he was leaving something out. He lies and abuses for profit or pleasure, whether he needs to or not. He is a big liar about everything.
When she asks him to tell the truth, it turns into an argument and you don’t get any answer from him anyway. Bottom line: You feel like a nag and you feel like you did something wrong. He twisted the script so much that you probably feel like you owe him an apology. It may feel like there is a huge wall between you.
- He gets terribly nervous when things don’t go his way.
When he’s mad at you, he’s been known to stare at you: he doesn’t blink, he doesn’t change his face, nothing – he just stares. Fisheye is his blank stare meant to intimidate and control you.
During these situations, you are prepared. You know that if you speak up or say the wrong thing, it will be more difficult for you later when you’re alone together. When he stares, you freeze. It’s your survival instinct.
Related: How Empaths Use (And Narcissists Abuse) The 5 Love Languages Drastically Differently
- It does not encourage you to spend time with family and friends.
Sociopaths often use isolation to isolate their victims, and one of the most common forms of isolation is removing you from your family, friends, or beloved social activities. He does this by offering them various forms of criticism, or acting jealous if you are going to spend time with them. In some cases, this happens even when he is invited and decides he doesn’t want to attend.
He complains that you spend too much time with them and not enough time with him. His complaints will increase over time until it becomes easier for you to not spend time with them to avoid his anger.
- Control your choices with financial threats.
Another form of power and control is financial isolation. If you are in a relationship with a man like this, he is likely hell-bent on controlling your finances. Thus, he is not only concerned with how the money is spent; He may ask you to hand over your paycheck every week, or spend time constantly monitoring your bank account and questioning you about every cent you spend.
If he’s the primary breadwinner, the amount of money he’ll “give” you as an allowance is always on his terms (it’s minimal and never enough for food and utilities and gas).