It’s time to stop giving in and stop listening to the narcissist.
Everything narcissists say is just a stream of lies, but they’ll convince you they’re telling the truth.
The problem arises when you’re programmed to believe everything the narcissist says without even asking any questions.
Lies and Truth: Distorted
It’s a familiar story, isn’t it?
I know victims who have been in relationships with narcissists in their lives who are fully aware of the difference between truth and lies.
The difference is that they were willing to allow other people’s lies to become truth because of the way the lie was packaged.
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This is how the two can become distorted. Over time, and as you get to know the narcissist more and more, the person may begin to know themselves less and less.
When this balance is completely out of balance, you won’t notice the difference. You’ll be convinced every day, and you’ll find yourself agreeing with the narcissist simply because:
- An easy life
- A way to stop arguing
- Because you think they’re right
- They ask you to trust them
- They’re happier when you agree with them
Is this any way to live?
1 “I’m the only one who really understands you”
The first lie a narcissist will convince you is true.
Listen carefully when someone tells you this, because it’s not the romantic statement you think it is.
Yes, you desperately want the person you’re with to understand you. They need to take the time, just like you do, to get to know you enough to truly support and help you in life.
But let’s make no mistake—saying they’re the only ones who understand you is just asking for trouble.
It’s a way to isolate you from everyone else and stop relying on them for advice or time, because, well, what do you need them for if you have a narcissist?
I see this statement as a way to isolate you from the narcissist, so it’s like you and the world facing off.
All this does is strengthen the attachment between you, which is what the narcissist wants!
2 “You’re too sensitive”
The ultimate psychological manipulation phrase used by a narcissist.
You’re too sensitive.
I’m here to first tell you that you’re not, but I’m fully aware that it will take more than that to make you believe it.
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That’s the depth of the damage narcissists cause, I’m afraid. Years of abuse can’t be undone in a single sentence, but the healing journey is worth it.
The only reason narcissists say this is to keep you small. When you really bring up a problem, they immediately minimize it by inviting you to minimize it.
They want you to stop blowing it out of proportion, because the problem is actually your over-sensitivity to it.
Wrong!
The problem is the problem. The sooner you understand this and rewire your mind to believe it, the better.
3 “You did it for your own good”
Okay. No one else has the right to decide or control your best interests unless you’re two years old.
Even then, parents should allow for learning, not total control.
As an adult, no one else alive has the right to decide what’s in your best interests, especially narcissists.
They disguise their control under the guise of nurturing or caring, and there’s nothing more sinister and dangerous than letting them do it.
Never let them fool you into thinking they care; that’s why they take the lead.
They care about nothing but getting exactly what they want.
4 “Everyone thinks you’re difficult.”
Is that true? I mean, you can hear the narcissist uttering these words, but are they based on any solid evidence?
As the narcissist continues to isolate you, they’ll turn those you’ve known and supported into your enemies.
And why?
So that you can find no refuge but the narcissist—the person you should be completely far away from!
You’re not difficult, by the way.
Reread this.
5 “You’ll never find someone better than me”
False!
You can eventually find someone better than the narcissist if you try hard enough.
The reason you’re hearing this is because the narcissist doesn’t want you to look.
They just want you to believe in them until you commit and realize things can’t get any better.
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They set standards for you, and those standards are awful.
Note: You’ll find a million people better than the narcissist. You just have to run away from where you are first.
6 “If you loved me, you’d believe me.”
Wow! What an embarrassing way for anyone—anyone—to get what they want. It’s almost childish to hear this.
This kind of comment is so annoying. You can’t just suddenly believe a lie. It’s worthless except for how you obey.
And do you know why they say that?
Because they want you to always believe them, not just on this occasion, but on all the others as well.
They’re setting you up to be their backup no matter how dark their lies get in the future.
This is a really dangerous thing to talk about.
Don’t do it, trust me!
7 “I’m not like everyone else I’ve dated—I’m different.”
Well, it’s true because they’re a completely different person.
It’s not true because you’ve likely experienced the unfortunate pattern of falling into relationships with toxic people.
It’s the same thing over and over again, which is why you always face the same problems in your life.
If you believe everything the narcissist says, you have nothing to defend.
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This kind of statement sounds like they’re begging you to choose them, right?
Choose me, choose me!
I’m better than everyone else!
I’ll make your life the best it can be!
Why are they convincing you to stay with them?
They’re just salespeople.
Avoid them!
8 “I only act this way because I love you so much”
Is defending certain types of toxic behavior love?
I don’t actually think so, and neither should you.
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No one should justify themselves based on their feelings toward you in this way, but of course, they will.
All it does is prove that you’re enduring the abuse “in the name of love.”
Love and abuse are not synonymous. Being raised to believe them is half the problem.
I don’t want to assume that all victims witnessed abuse as children and were told it was love, or that it was how relationships work.
Unfortunately, many do. This is the biggest way to mislead children and make them see abuse as forms of love and expression.
