There is an old saying that we are the average of the five people we spend the most time with.
If this is true, then the people we keep close to us play an important role in shaping our attitudes, behaviors, and ultimately our lives.
But here’s the thing – not everyone who crosses our path will contribute positively to our growth.
Some so-called “friends” can drain our energy, affect our mental health, and harm our personal growth.
But knowing what to look for can help you avoid having such people in your life. So, here are 8 toxic friends to watch out for:
1) The constant critic
Have you ever had a friend who always seems to find fault with everything you do?
Even when you turn to them with exciting news, they manage to find something negative to say.
“Oh, you got the job! It’s a shame it’s not that good to pay though. Don’t worry, you’ll find something better soon.”
“Your new haircut looks…nice. Did you mess up the fringe though? It looks kind of wonky…”
This friend does nothing for your self-esteem. They never cheer you up. If anything, their only mission in life seems to be to bring negativity and basically, the crap out of all your accomplishments.
Certainly, some constructive criticism is helpful in friendship, especially for character development.
But it shouldn’t be harsh, and it shouldn’t be static!
2) Emotional vampirism
Ah, the emotional vampire. energy sucker. Drain all the good vibes.
I had a friend like this. Before we even sat down and ordered a coffee, she immediately launched into a rant about how horrible her life was.
It will last for hours.
I usually come home feeling very tired, passive, and irritable.
Does someone in your life come to mind?
You will probably notice how the emotional vampire rarely asks how you are. They are too busy sucking the life out of you to care.
All they want is your sympathy and attention. And when you give them advice, they rarely listen because they fuel the drama.
Friendship quickly goes from happy and fun to a burden you start to fear. This is a clear sign that it is time to cut them out of your life.
3) The green-eyed monster
It’s awful to think that someone you consider a friend would be jealous of you, right?
But unfortunately, not everyone who pretends to care is truly happy about your good fortune.
And that’s where the green-eyed monster comes in.
When you go to them with good news, instead of being happy for you, they tend to dwell on their own failures.
This is an example:
You: “Good news! I just got the promotion I was hoping for at work! I’m going to lead my team now.”
Green-eyed monster: “Oh, really? I guess it’s easy for some people. I’ve worked a lot longer than you at my job and haven’t even gotten a promotion yet. I guess you’re just lucky.”
This is a typical monster reaction. She reduces your hard work and refocuses on herself.
Believe me, you don’t need a friend like that in your life!
4) One-way street
Friendship is a two-way street, but for this friend, it’s a one-way highway leading to it.
Here are some examples to help you determine if you have a friend like this:
They always count on you for support but never offer it in return.
They ask for favors but are never at liberty to help you.
They expect you to meet their needs but will never adapt to yours.
They tend to choose where and when you meet. They may even dictate where you go for dinner or coffee, and they never consider your opinion.
In the end, this toxicity is at its best.
For them, it’s all about personal gain. But in a healthy friendship, both people should feel supported, listened to, and cared for.
So if you have a one-way street in your life, it might be time to show them the door. Don’t allow anyone to take advantage of your good nature!
5) A control freak
A control freak thinks they know best, even going above and beyond and telling you what you should and shouldn’t do.
If you try to stand up to them, they will emotionally blackmail you, pressure you, or guilt you into doing things their way.
This is highly toxic for several reasons:
First, you may start to feel helpless. If they are an overbearing personality in your life, you may end up feeling overwhelmed and find it difficult to say “no” to them.
Secondly, they can harm your self-esteem. Think about it, if someone is constantly telling you that the decisions you’re making aren’t right, they’ll eventually be affected and eventually end up believing them.
Finally, friendship can become bonded. You will feel like you have lost your independence. They start calling the shots.
After all, it’s not a good situation to be in, or a good “friend” to keep!
6) Fixed comparison
This is the scenario:
You finally bought a new car. It took you a long time to save money. You are excited to share the news with your friend.
But instead of focusing on you and your achievement, they start analyzing:
“Well, my car has a slightly better radio system.”
“I guess my car is a brighter red than yours, isn’t it?”
“Oh my God, the engine is so noisy. My voice is so quiet you can hardly hear it going down the street!”
Whether it’s a new car, a job, or a relationship, this kind of toxic friend can’t help but compare.
This stems from their insecurities, but it can also have negative effects on you.
By making you question your own self-worth and accomplishments, they do nothing to lift your spirits or allow you to feel good about yourself.
I say life is too short to reach out to a friend like that!
7) Backstabber
With a smile on their face, these toxic friends will seize any opportunity to talk bad about you behind your back.
They cannot be trusted, no matter how many excuses they come up with.
A telltale sign of a friend who’s been backstabbed is that they often say things like, “Oh, so-and-so was talking about you the other day…”
If people feel comfortable talking about you with this supposed friend, it indicates that the friend is not loyal. A true friend will stop this kind of gossip right away.
Therefore, the sooner you cut this type of person out of your life, the better!
Not only will it save you the humiliation and heartbreak of a friend spreading rumors behind your back, but it will also save you the emotional pain of feeling betrayed.
8) Scattering negativity
Finally, we have a little miss/mr negative.
These people always have something miserable to say. They have never seen a glass half full. They can turn a sunny day into a doomsday.
Usually, you will feel the positivity drained from you the moment they start talking.
Even if they are not directly negative towards you, they will harp about how awful the world is, or how cold, heartless robots today are.
Heck, these people can find fault with cute things. I had a friend who talked about how overrated cats and puppies are. seriously.
In the end, this toxic friendship will only make your mood worse the more you meet.
And negativity is contagious. You may feel less optimistic about life after spending a few hours with such a friend.
So, you know what I’m going to say – it’s time to banish them from your life forever!
The truth is that you have to choose your friends wisely. They have a significant impact on your well-being and life in general.
And in a world of just under 8 billion people, there is no need to cling to some toxic people who don’t bring happiness into your life!
How to break up with a toxic friend
So, now you know what you need to do. But how do you do that?
Here are some tips I’ve tried and tested over the years:
First, consider whether the friend in question is actually toxic or is going through a difficult time in life. Identify the behaviors that you don’t like and think about how long they have been going on.
Communicate directly and honestly. Yes, it will be uncomfortable, but it is important to share your feelings so that your friend knows why you ended the friendship. Also, by being honest, they may take your feedback and change for the better.
Set clear boundaries. That is if you are unable to completely cut off contact with them (say if it is a family member or a colleague). Be clear about what behavior you will and will not tolerate.
Stay firm. If you ended the relationship, a toxic friend might be trying to guilt you into making you up. Give your explanation once but don’t feel the need to keep justifying yourself.
