The child does not realize that you – the distressed parent – are hurting until the damage is done. Of course, a mortal person never cares about the damage he has done.

If he eventually gets it, he spends a lot of time applying makeup; Although in the mind of the current parent, there can never be an apology strong enough or real enough to make up for the days, weeks, months, years, and perhaps decades of neglect that occurred.

For the child you left in the shadows while you put your ego and needs front and center, the relationship and feelings are much more nuanced and complex.

Related: 7 Tragic Reasons People Stay In Bad Relationships, According To Experts

It’s harder for the child you leave behind than the current parent who is left to pick up your slack. The current parent has enough love to give the child you pushed into the backseat of your mind while you are an egomaniac and narcissist.

Sure, you may be or have been mentally ill. Maybe you are fighting addiction. The current parent sympathizes with your plight but believes you should pull yourself up and get help because this is breaking news:

While you are sick, the current parents don’t get a chance to take a sick day for anything. We can’t quit and heal. We don’t get a minute to mourn the broken hearts your selfish choices leave in your wake.

Here are 8 thoughts your child is thinking about their dead parent:

1. They love you, even though they shouldn’t

Beneath the anger, your child still loves you. At this point, it may be a small drop of love, but it is there. Your child desperately wants you to be a better parent, Deadbeat.

The only time acceptance usually comes is when the child is old enough to process that your shortcomings are not a sign of the child’s worth, but a sign of your morals, values, and mental health. Then you have your child’s love, even if you don’t deserve it.

2. They wonder what they did wrong to make you this way

While you’re busy with your new boyfriend or girlfriend or having a midlife crisis, your child wonders what he or she did wrong to make you this way. Your child will go through a list of imaginary and real-life scenarios and wonder how he could have done something differently to make you change.

Your child will wonder if this is something he did or said to make you this way. Until your child grows up, this poor child takes your bad behavior as a sign that something is wrong with him or her.

Related: Christina Ricci Explains How People Are Re-Victimized When ‘Good Guys’ Do Terrible Things

3. They wish they could protect you from others’ disapproval

As much as your child knows who you are deep down, he or she still wants to protect you from others’ deserved criticism. It’s not that people talk about you disparagingly, but when your name comes up, people freeze. People grimaced. People calm down.

As much as your child thinks you deserve a big F, he wants to protect you from that obvious response and criticism. Your child desperately wants you to get an A just once.

4. They know your game

It doesn’t happen at first, but eventually, your child catches up with your game. Your child realizes that his father is not really working for months at a time, but instead, is out with his new, younger girlfriend.

Your child realizes that his mother is not really on vacation but has run away to find a new man and a new family. Baby knows your game, Deadbeat.

5. They remember good moments, even though they are few and far between

Anything remotely good you’ve done is ingrained in your child’s mind. Your child remembers the time you came to bring him pizza. Your child remembers the times you called and the visits you attended. They remember the good moments and hold on to them until they become bare threads.

Related: If A Guy Has These 5 Personality Traits, Run Far Far Away

6. They feel bad for you

Once a child realizes that his or her parents are failures and stops being angry with you, that same child begins to feel bad for you. Your child feels bad because you are mentally unstable or selfish. Your child feels bad because your “habits” or romantic partners have become your only life.

Your child feels sorry that you are not the person parents are supposed to be. Your child feels remorse because, essentially, he or she drew the short end of the stick when it came to parenting — minus that wonderfully present parent.

On the other hand, if you are an addict or mentally ill — not just a selfish narcissist — your child feels bad because you are suffering. Your child feels bad that you are burdened with problems and wishes you the best.

7. They worry about becoming like you, so you inspire them in some way

Your child doesn’t want to be you – in fact, he or she will do everything in his power to be the opposite of you. Your child will worry that, somewhere in their DNA, they are just like the dead parent who selfishly abandoned or ignored them.

Your bad behavior will inspire your child to be better than you are, in every way.

8. They wish you would change

Every child believes in magic, but none more so than a child who loses a parent or grieves for them either due to death or the state of death. They wish you would change, Deadbit. Your child wants you to be different. Your child wants you to change your life for the better.