Living in the death grip of narcissistic abuse feels like being stuck in a spiraling black hole from which you will never get out.
As an addict, you feel like every choice in your life has led you to this terrible situation. Fate brought you here. You assume this toxic relationship is your destiny.
You are not a victim, you are an active participant, right? You chose to enter into a relationship with a narcissist and now you must stick with it to the end – no matter what.
You can’t give up on your romantic relationship when the going gets tough. You can’t disown your mom just because she “says mean things.”
All of this couldn’t be further from the truth.
I think it is this way. You would never say these things about a drug addict or alcoholic: they have chosen to use themselves and must accept their fate.
No, you can tell that they are facing a deadly disease and that there is always a way out. You can tell them to find support, to have hope, and to pull themselves together.
You may say it won’t be easy, but it is possible if they put in the work and life could be better than they could ever imagine.
The truth is, a narcissistic abuse recovery program can help you live the life you deserve. It can help you become the person you were meant to be—and you were on the right track—before a narcissist entered your life and squeezed every last drop of your joy, energy, and identity.
However, not every expert who runs a narcissistic abuse program has your best interests at heart. In other cases, a therapist’s heart may be in the right place, but they’ve never had to deal with getting straight into a relationship with a narcissist.
Here’s How To Choose The Best Narcissist Abuse Recovery Program.
Why is getting into a relationship with a narcissist so difficult?
Getting out of a relationship and getting over it is never easy — even when the separation agreement was mutual and there was no abuse involved.
In a relationship, we form habits. If the relationship is with a narcissist, these habits are not healthy, and closely reflect the relationship between drugs or alcohol and someone using drugs.
Likely, this is not your first relationship with a narcissist. Here’s why it’s so hard to get through a relationship with a narcissist.
They distort your senses with identity
Gaslighting isn’t just annoying and rude. Long-term exposure to gaslighting removes your perspective and replaces it with that of the narcissist.
Over time, your identity disappears and you only exist to please the narcissist. Your opinions, goals, interests, and sense of self vanish.
After extended narcissistic abuse, many survivors struggle to answer basic questions about themselves beyond superficial labels like their job titles, for example. Instead, the narcissist has created an identity for you.
They isolate you from family and friends
It doesn’t help that the narcissist wants you all to himself, so you have no choice but to develop an identity outside of him.
In some cases, the narcissist may completely prevent you from seeing your friends or spending time with your family alone and threaten you if you oppose them. In other cases, the narcissist may simply pout, whine, and make you feel guilty about being left alone or having the nerve to spend time with other people.
Relationship works like a drug addiction
In a narcissistic relationship, the narcissist intentionally withholds emotion from you and labels it when it is convenient for them.
Have you ever heard the phrase, “Never let a good tragedy go to waste?” The narcissist lives by this mantra.
It is important to remember that narcissists do not process and show emotions like normal people. While it is wrong to say that they do not have empathy, it is true to say that they do not have empathy.
They have cognitive empathy and use it to attack you. You have undoubtedly noticed how a narcissist can get your point across enough to get into your head, manipulate your thoughts, and pull desirable emotions out of you.
They’ve damaged your perception of how healthy relationships work
You are not damaged goods, but you do need to relearn (or learn for the first time) what makes a healthy relationship and how supportive partners treat each other.
When you get over a narcissist, it’s easy to bring the same habits with you into new relationships. You will always guess what your new partner is saying or assume that they are trying to manipulate or annoy you for fun.
Or worse: you might find yourself getting attracted to another narcissist and the cycle repeats!
A comprehensive narcissist abuse recovery program is essential to building healthy relationships in the future.
How to Overcome a Narcissist: Payback is not optional
Everyone knows it’s foolish to get off drugs or alcohol without a recovery program.
As a society, we understand that substance abuse is a biochemical disease. We understand that it requires building a new identity outside of use. It requires developing new habits of mental health and communication skills.
Why don’t we approach recovery from narcissistic abuse the same way?
He should. Because if you don’t go through a reputable narcissist abuse recovery program, take it seriously, and make an effort to change, you will only repeat this cycle.
Narcissists have a way of clinging to victims of narcissistic abuse. Victims have a way of being attracted to narcissists as well.
Can you break the cycle and become a survivor? You don’t have to keep repeating this abuse with every relationship — whether that be with romantic partners, parents, in-laws, siblings, co-workers, or anyone else.
8 factors to look for in a narcissistic abuse recovery program
Only someone who has experienced narcissistic abuse firsthand truly understands how to overcome a narcissist and build a strong identity to avoid future abuse.
Some programs will teach you the science basics and send you on your way – but you need more of a narcissistic abuse recovery program if you really want to free your life of abuse forever.
- Well-researched materials with social proof
I’ve been through enough scams and abuse. You need peace of mind that you are going through a high quality program to recover from narcissistic abuse and not get ripped off.
Look for evidence that the creator has done their research. They must understand the psychology of narcissistic abuse and the emotional damage it causes.
Look for social proof in the form of testimonials. While some people may not feel comfortable revealing their name, all anonymous reviews are a big red flag.
- A safe environment free from victim blame
A narcissistic abuse recovery program should place your recovery and emotional well-being above all else. Narcissistic abuse is not your fault and this is not a situation where you are both toxic or you are both at fault.
They offended you. Unfortunately, some therapists who have not experienced narcissistic abuse themselves will make insensitive remarks about how active you are.
Not only is this a basic misunderstanding of narcissistic abuse, but it also delays or reverses your progress.
- A mixture of science and spirituality
Science is good. Learning about mental health, depression, abuse, PTSD, brain chemistry – it’s all helpful.
However, it is only one side of the situation. You also need to learn how to heal yourself spiritually and emotionally.
Your identity and soul are broken and you need guidance to heal. Overcoming a narcissist involves much more than just recognizing “why.” You also need to strengthen your identity and psyche to help overcome your abuse.
- Peer-reviewed or validated mental health professionals
The creator of a narcissistic abuse recovery program does not necessarily need to have a certain degree. However, they must have the endorsement of mental health professionals.
Again, narcissistic addiction is very similar to substance abuse. It’s a biochemical addiction, so it requires a thorough understanding of how narcissistic abuse affects the brain and why it’s so hard to get out of.
- The Creator has gone through recovery from narcissistic abuse themselves
Getting into a relationship with a narcissist is not something anyone can truly understand unless they have been through it themselves.
When someone is going through recovery from substance abuse, they can know within the first five minutes if their assigned therapist has struggled with addiction themselves.
Narcissistic abuse is the same. Your creator will not understand the horror and loss of identity you go through and how to get over a narcissist unless they are in your shoes.
- They understand that there are experts and other modalities
Experience is important, but the creator of a narcissistic abuse recovery program should never want to be the backbone that holds your future together. (This sounds like a narcissistic red flag.)
You need a comprehensive recovery and that depends on support from many places. Sometimes this may require getting out of your comfort zone but it is necessary.
The creator of your recovery program should encourage you to talk to other survivors and talk to your friends and family about your recovery. They should encourage you to try different modalities, knowing that people are individuals with their personalities and learning styles.
- Independence-building resources and coping tools
Overcoming a narcissist means rewriting your identity and sense of self. Some people are drawn to narcissists like a magnet because it is all they know.
A narcissistic abuse recovery program should help you find the resources to live an independent life. Once you build real confidence, set realistic goals, and get back on your feet, you’ll be less likely to fall into the narcissist’s deception again.
How will you spot red flags? What would you do if you started falling for someone before you even noticed that they are a narcissist? The program should help you answer these questions.
- Strategies for communicating with others and building relationships
Recent survivors of narcissistic relationships struggle to form healthy relationships and connect with others.
For a long time, you may feel paranoid. You will feel like everyone is out to beat or manipulate you.
Is someone telling you the truth? You may also notice that you display narcissistic characteristics that you chose as defensive tools during an abusive relationship.
No, you’re not a narcissist either. However, you need to learn how to communicate with people compassionately and assertively.
