Have you ever tried to break up with a narcissist? If your answer is yes, then you know that breaking up with a narcissist is never easy, and surviving a narcissistic breakup is nothing short of legendary.

In this article, we will talk about what happens when you break up with a narcissist and what to expect when you break up with a narcissist.

Breaking up with a narcissist is very difficult for many reasons. Your loyalty, empathy, and desire to be true to your promises make it difficult for you to consider leaving the relationship.

The narcissist can also make it difficult for you to leave because he wants to be in control of the decision to end the relationship. As long as maintaining the relationship is the most important factor to you, the narcissist has free rein to control you and your decisions.

Caregivers are more likely to leave when the narcissist crosses a line that they finally cannot or will not tolerate. But over the years, I’ve found it difficult to predict when the caretaker will leave.

A client whose narcissistic husband had a stroke and became physically abusive did not leave. But the client whose husband moved his pregnant girlfriend into the spare bedroom, saying it was an old friend from college out of luck, has filed for divorce.

It appears that men are less likely than women to leave care, possibly because of the additional burden of responsibility men feel culturally for caring for women.

When caregivers leave, they find it difficult to stick to their decision because of feelings of guilt or pity for the narcissist. And if the narcissist doesn’t want you to leave, he or she will keep pressuring you to change your mind, often with those old promises to change.

A narcissist can make your life very hard to control you and the relationship.

Related: The Narcissist Silent Treatment: Why The Narcissists Use Toxic Silence To Manipulate Their Victims

Will the narcissist be the one to leave?
Sometimes, a triggering event will motivate the narcissist to leave. Usually, these are life-changing events for one of you. If you become ill, incapacitated, unable, or unwilling to participate in the life the narcissist designed, this may prompt the narcissist to leave.

Even a positive event, such as having a baby, can upset the delicate balance of a relationship, especially if it requires the narcissist to be more responsible and emotionally involved. Illnesses, aging, job loss, or promotions can all be triggers for narcissists to suddenly give up on a relationship.

No matter who takes the first step to leave, here’s what you can expect at the end of a relationship with a narcissist.

8 Things to expect when you break up with a narcissist

1. Blame
   When things don’t go well, the narcissist places the blame entirely on someone else. I was on a pedestal at the beginning of the relationship. You were cool and perfect, and the narcissist was glad to have “gained” you as a colleague.

Now that the narcissist sees the relationship as broken, damaged, and over — and it’s all your fault.

(Q) He says you are too fat, too needy, or too happy. You broke things, you destroyed trust, you destroyed the best you ever had, and you crushed his love. You don’t appreciate all that he has done for you. You would be nothing without it.

You single-handedly destroyed everything you built. You are selfish and demanding. Overnight I became the most hated person in a narcissist’s life.

This is appalling, hurtful, insulting, unfair, and completely wrong. When the narcissist reaches this point, he will no longer listen to you or give you any consideration and may not even be willing to talk to you.

If you apologize profusely enough and beg for reconciliation, you might get back together for a while, but things between you will likely never get back together.

2. Attempts to convince you that you made a mistake
   After months or years of being told you’re wrong and the narcissist devaluing your decisions, you may be prone to second-guessing yourself. And the narcissist will try to convince you that you did something wrong.

(o) Attempts charisma, persuasion, persuasion, then intimidation, incitement, and outright provocation to regain control of the relationship.

The narcissist will say, “You misinterpreted what you just said. Of course, you must know I love you deep down; why do I have to say it all the time? What about all the good times we had together? You look at the negativity a lot. You don’t understand the pressure I’ve been put through.” Lately. You’re taking things personally. You’re overreacting. You’re way too emotional.”

Even though the narcissist is trying to sound positive about the relationship and why you shouldn’t leave, you will notice that all of these “whys” are negative remarks about you and what is wrong with what you are doing.

These are not real encouragements to stay in the relationship; They are manipulations to lower your self-esteem so as not to break up with the narcissist.

If persuasion and persuasion don’t work, the narcissist can bring out especially negative evaluations to bring up your sore spots and make you feel bad about yourself:

“You were nothing before you married me. Go back to that stupid family of

3. Guilt attempts to make you stay
   Guilt is a powerful tool for the narcissist to get you back in the relationship when you are trying to break up. The narcissist comes around every time he does something nice for you, confirms how much he cares about you or reminds you of the great times you had together.

If the positives don’t win you back, narcissists default to their devaluing attacks. Any complaint you make about a narcissist will be turned against you. Narcissists constantly blame their partners for behaviors that they are already exhibiting at that very moment — yelling, name-calling, hostility, selfishness, hatefulness, and passive-aggressiveness, to name a few.

Being told that you are selfish, callous, cruel, greedy, stingy, or hurt someone’s feelings can be especially painful for a caregiver. You work so hard to never do or be these things and never have that kind of feelings, so you feel deeply wronged.

These comments are a clear indication that the narcissist doesn’t know you or see you for who you are, and this can be heartbreaking.

These types of accusations also increase your feelings of guilt, so you will likely double down on your efforts to prove to the narcissist that you are not that kind of person. This is exactly what the narcissist wants as he re-engages you in the relationship.

Once the narcissist gets you to respond, (s)he can make you feel helpless, guilty, and involved in the relationship until he is ready to end it.

4. Demanding attention, even after a breakup
   It is easier to break up with a narcissist and leave him or her if you cut off as much contact as possible. However, narcissists can be very persistent in getting your attention.

Clients report many types of attention-seeking behaviors from narcissists who feel rejected, for example, drunk calling in the middle of the night, “accidentally” breaking into your house to get their belongings, hundreds of text messages or emails in a single day, Constantly urging you to “explain” why you want to leave – all of which leads to the narcissist condemning you for being too negative.

If you have children together, these pleas for attention can continue. One client was so worried about all the stress that she lost her voice when she saw her ex.

He was so determined to get her attention that he pressed the court to “order” her to speak to him publicly “for the children’s sake”. Of course, it was actually to acknowledge his own selfish need.

5. Promises to change
   If persuasion, guilt, and attention-getting behaviors don’t get you back in the relationship, the narcissist makes the promise of change. Suddenly the narcissist(s) says he understands why you are feeling upset and is ready to break up.

(o) He seems to take responsibility for his behavior. (S) He promises to go to therapy, do whatever you ask, and do things your way. (o) It is, so sorry to hurt you.

This is a seductive plea for a carer who wants the relationship to work. Now it seems like the narcissist finally understands what you said and is ready to make things right. (s) seems genuinely honest. You breathe a sigh of relief and hope builds up in you again.

Inevitably, this hope is shattered. Narcissists can’t stop trying to control you, and they don’t seem to be in control of their behaviors for any length of time. For a while, you thought things were getting better.

However, when the narcissist feels comfortable in the relationship again, he will revert to being self-absorbed, inconsiderate, arrogant, insensitive, and blaming.

And always if things don’t go his way, he (s) immediately reverts to the same defensive and hostile patterns. How often do you want to believe the false promises of a narcissist are up to you.

6. Social attacks and gossip
   It’s hard to keep your breakup with a narcissist out of the public eye because a narcissist is asking everyone you know to pick a side.

As soon as possible(s) he will tell your friends, neighbors, church members, and club acquaintances in person and on social media his version of your breakup story. This is very distressing for most caretakers.

During your entire relationship, the narcissist insisted on being very private about your interactions together, and now he(s) is spreading all kinds of misinformation and slander and trying to ruin your good name.

Often caregivers keep promises not to talk about the relationship, which means the narcissist’s lies stand unchallenged.

Gossip is a manipulative tactic designed to make you the bad guy and gain as much sympathy as possible for the narcissist. It can also work effectively to reconnect and control you.

7. The stalking
   Although stalking is usually not blatant or threatening by the narcissist, it is not uncommon for the narcissist to accidentally drop into the grocery store when you are around, pop up at a community or social event you’re attending, or change their running schedule so it goes downhill. street every morning.

Be prepared ahead of time because these unexpected meetings may happen when you are breaking up with a narcissist. They are designed to keep you aware of narcissists’ presence and emotional imbalance.

8. Need
   Narcissists appear to be strong and independent but are very needy. You may find it difficult to let go of an interest in a narcissist.

She might get calls to come to fix her car, she might still expect you to keep billing for her work, she might want you to turn out the Christmas lights in her house, or she might expect you to keep making her dentist appointments.

It can be stressful and difficult for you to say no to these constant requests. Many times you are drawn back into interactions with the narcissist that don’t benefit you.

Related: How To Survive A Toxic Family During The Holidays