Narcissists don’t hesitate to lie, especially if a little bit of lying gets them something they want. They won’t feel particularly guilty about lying either. Narcissists lack empathy for your experience, so they don’t feel your pain.
Their ego also won’t allow them to take responsibility for hurting you with their lie. In their minds, if they had to lie, you pushed them to that point.
The bottom line is that when a narcissist lies, they’re unlikely to offer a genuine apology. They also won’t admit they were wrong, at least not without taking a small share of the blame.
Instead, they’ll likely use one of the lines below.
1 Statement that Downplays the Severity of the Matter
When you catch a narcissist lying, they may admit they were dishonest. However, they’ll never take responsibility for the severity of what they did.
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If you catch them withdrawing money from your bank account without permission, they may say, “Yes, I lied about it, but I didn’t think it was a big deal. It was only $100, so it didn’t seem like a big deal.”
They may also downplay the situation by saying, “We all lie from time to time.” The narcissist’s goal is to make it seem like what they lied about wasn’t really that bad. They want you to let them off the hook and stop talking about it!
2 Deny the Accusation
Sometimes, a narcissist will admit that they were dishonest, but other times, they will completely deny that they were dishonest. You may have caught them in the act, with a lot of evidence to back up the lie, but they will deny it anyway.
Denial can come in two ways. First, they may tell you that you’re remembering things incorrectly. For example, they may have told you that they got a promotion at work, and then you realize later that they’re still working at the same job.
When you mention that they lied about the promotion, they will deny that they said they got it. They may tell you that you remember incorrectly or that you misunderstood what they said.
3 Accusations that you are losing your mind
Manipulation is one of the favorite tools of narcissists. This manipulative tactic allows them to avoid accountability by convincing you that you are losing your mind.
Instead of admitting to lying, the narcissist will try to convince you that you are crazy. They may say, “You must be imagining things, because I never said that!”
If the narcissist does this enough times, you will begin to question your sanity. You may even convince yourself that you have truly lost your ability to remember things. This allows the narcissist to maintain control over you, because you will question your own reasoning.
The narcissist’s psychological manipulation gives him the upper hand. When you are finally convinced that you are crazy, you will believe all of the narcissist’s lies, because you will no longer trust your own judgment.
4 Playing the Victim
If the narcissist is willing to admit that you caught him lying, he will likely play the victim. He may start whining or crying, saying something like, “I’m under a lot of stress!”
There are many different things that narcissists will say when they are playing the victim. All of these things will involve some sort of excuse where the narcissist portrays himself as a hopeless victim who has no choice but to lie.
They may also say something like, “You know how hard I am going through right now; I can’t always be perfect!”
No matter how subtle their words are, narcissists take responsibility for themselves. They hope that before long, you’ll feel guilty for criticizing them, because you’ll feel so sorry for them.
5 Shifting the Blame
“I wouldn’t have to lie if you hadn’t pushed me to this point!” This is a classic line from a narcissist who’s just been caught being dishonest.
A narcissist who’s been caught lying will likely do anything they can to avoid accountability. Shifting the blame onto you is a perfect way for them to protect their ego from the shame of lying.
Related : The Worst Apologies Made by Narcissists: What They Really Mean
Instead of taking full responsibility and apologizing, a narcissist will try a variety of different tricks to make you feel like you’re in charge. They may accuse you of being too hard on them, leaving them no choice but to lie and protect themselves from your criticism.
They may also accuse you of being too clingy or controlling, leading them to lie just to gain some semblance of freedom!
6 Saying Nothing at All
The silent treatment is another classic narcissist move. When you accuse them of lying, it hurts their ego. Likewise, if they know you know they lied, their ego is hurt.
A narcissist is too embarrassed to face the truth, and they will withdraw completely. They will give you the silent treatment for as long as they need to recover from their shame.
Silence not only allows the narcissist to distance themselves from the truth; it also allows them to punish you. See, the problem isn’t that they lied. The real problem, according to them, is that you dared to be bothered by their lie.
Once they’ve ignored you long enough to please them, they’ll just come back into your life as if nothing had happened. Don’t you dare bring up their lie; they’ve gotten over it, and you should do the same.
7 Some Forms of Flattery
“Honey, I was just trying to protect you!” Does this sound familiar? If so, you’ve probably heard it from a narcissist who was lying to you directly.
Instead of taking responsibility for the lie or admitting their mistake, the narcissist will try to flatter you. They’ll make it seem like the lie is meant to protect your feelings rather than be a blatant manipulation.
They may even shift a little blame, telling you that you’re too sensitive to handle the truth. This gives them no choice but to protect your fragile feelings!
8 Pure Projection
Narcissists can’t face any of their flaws. Their self-esteem is based on their false self, which they present as confident, superior, and self-assured.
This false self is the narcissist’s true self, which feels inferior and struggles with extreme insecurities. To avoid triggering their own underlying insecurities, narcissists must present themselves as perfect.
To maintain their façade, narcissists can only project their own flaws onto you. If they lie, they may accuse you of lying instead.
Related : 6 Painful Reasons Why Narcissists Hurt You
They may say, “You always lie; don’t you see what your problem is?”
Conclusion
Remember, narcissists rely on patterns of manipulation, control, and deception to maintain power over others. Lying is one of the main tactics they use to manipulate you and maintain control over the relationship.
Since narcissists can’t take responsibility, they will use a variety of manipulative tactics when they lie. This can include strategies like shifting the blame onto you, minimizing the lie, or insisting that they had no choice but to lie to you.
No matter the exact tactic, you can be sure that narcissists will never be completely honest. Their entire life revolves around using deception to achieve their goals and take advantage of you. Their ego will allow nothing less.
