Have you ever been stuck in a relationship where you are constantly on edge, questioning your judgment, or wondering if you are overreacting?
I don’t feel comfortable, right? But you’re not alone – I’ve been there myself. It took me a while to recognize the signs, but eventually, I realized I was dealing with a manipulative partner.
A manipulative person is certainly deceitful, but the good thing is that there are many things they do that should signal to you their shady intentions.
In this article, I will address eight of these things. We hope it helps you identify red flags more easily. Let’s get started!
1) They put a spotlight on you
The first thing you should know about manipulative people is that they are experts in gaslighting. What is this, you say?
Gassing is a trick people use to make you question your feelings, memories, and perceptions. They do this by constantly questioning or dismissing your fears and making you feel like you’re imagining things.
For example, they could say something hurtful and then when you call them out on it, they will insist that you misunderstood or heard/remembered it wrong. They might say things like:
“You imagine things.”
“It never happened.”
“You make things up.”
If they’re really good at it, you’ll start thinking, “Well, maybe it was all in my head. Maybe I just imagined it…”
In the end, it will be your fault, not theirs. It’s a subtle yet powerful way to take control, and it can take a toll on your self-esteem and mental health.
So… no, you’re not going to go crazy. You don’t imagine things. Listen to your instincts – they are there to protect you from people trying to distort your sense of reality.
2) They lie to control you
Create a false reality? This is something people play around with in art. And to do so, they resort to lying.
Like I mentioned earlier, it’s all about control. They may lie about their feelings or their past, or even make up entire situations, all for the purpose of controlling you.
I experienced this firsthand when my ex lied about a business opportunity to make me feel guilty for not being supportive. It was a blatant attempt at manipulation that left me feeling confused and betrayed.
Again, trust your instincts. If you feel like something is off, it probably is. And always remember that for a relationship to be healthy, there must be open and honest communication.
If your partner doesn’t seem up to it and lies constantly, it’s best to think about whether this toxic relationship is worth investing in.
3) They play the victim
Another thing that manipulators do is manipulate your empathy. And they do this by playing the victim.
Oh, that’s a real red flag. When I notice how someone has turned an argument around and made it seem like it’s my fault, I quickly “quietly walk away” in the words of RuPaul. I am not wasting any more time on this person.
Because if there’s anything I hate, it’s being manipulated into feeling guilty and finally giving in to someone’s demands. I’ve been put in places like this in the past, and every time, I’ve felt taken advantage of.
However, my condition is better these days. I’ve learned how to be firm in my boundaries – I try to be as compassionate and understanding as I can, but I also know when to say no to emotional manipulation.
But fair warning: When you say no to a manipulative person, expect them to try another tactic — the silent treatment.
4) They give you the silent treatment
Look, manipulators won’t take your reply while you’re sitting down. They’ll try every trick in the book to get what they want, and that includes the silent treatment.
If you are clever enough to say no to previous attempts to manipulate you, they will punish you – without words.
It’s a classic tactic, and believe me, this passive-aggressive cutesy behavior can be incredibly frustrating.
Because it’s just another way to make you give in to their demands. It sends this message: Either you do what I want, or I won’t talk to you at all.
In the past, I would eventually give in when someone would do this to me. I didn’t really want to; I just wanted the cold war to end.
But as time went by, I realized, wait a minute, we’re both adults here… so why are we communicating this way?
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This was a turning point for me, and from there, I’ll be firm, too. Either they communicate, or I walk away.
5) They hold your feelings hostage
I once had a friend who was stuck in a manipulative relationship. She wanted to leave, but couldn’t because every time she tried, the man threatened to hurt himself.
This is called emotional blackmail – another tactic where someone uses your emotions against you to manipulate you into doing what they want.
Emotional blackmail may come in other forms, such as:
Threatening to reveal your secrets
threatens to leave you
Comparing you to others
Carry past mistakes over your head
Playing on your guilt
Using children or pets as pawns
Exaggerating negative consequences
Whew. That’s a lot of threats, right? That’s the whole point – to make you feel scared. You will end up walking on eggshells afraid of what might happen if you don’t move forward!
So how do you deal? Well, take this advice from all the Hollywood movies ever made about blackmail – never give in to these tactics. Stand your ground.
And if they continue to threaten you, it may be time to walk away. Remember, the right person should make you feel safe, not afraid!
6) They love to bomb
Ah, I love bombing. I completely understand how love can make you feel. After all, showering with passion and hyper attention can make you feel very special!
But caution: the goal is only to further provoke you and make you more receptive to their manipulation tactics.
See, overwhelming you with emotion is another way for manipulative people to take control. Lavish compliments and gifts on gifts are simply her way of earning your trust.
Far from being true proof of love, it is actually a form of psychological and emotional abuse. Unfortunately, it’s very hard to find out until it’s too late… and even harder to get out of it.
So, how do you know if they are really in love with you or love bombarding you?
According to Psychology Today, a reliable method is to set your boundaries and see if they respect them. See how they respond when you get annoyed with excessive displays of love.
7) They isolate you from friends and family
“You and me against the world” – this is something you might hear from a manipulative person.
And while it might make the whole situation seem very romantic at first, so Romeo and Juliet… you should know that it’s actually another way of controlling you.
Because manipulative people want to control your support system, they may try to isolate you from your friends and family. They want to be your only source of support. They want you to be completely dependent on them.
I remember when my ex would often find fault with my friends and discourage me from spending time with them. At first, I found his opinions enticing — I took it as a sign that he wanted to be with me all the time, which of course made me feel very loved.
But this isolation also cut me off from the people who truly loved me, and I began to feel lonely and helpless, especially as the relationship began to deteriorate.
So, learn from my mistake – a healthy relationship should never require cutting ties with those you care about.
8) It makes you feel inferior
Finally, manipulative people often make you feel inferior, whether through subtle contempt or outright criticism.
Their goal is to erode your self-esteem, making you more vulnerable to their control.
How can they do this? With subtle little things like backhanded compliments, constant comparisons with others, or even being overly helpful, it can all leave you feeling incompetent and insecure.
This is why I recommend that you be vigilant and stay indulging with yourself. This way, you will recognize when someone is trying to make you feel less than they are and keep your self-worth intact.
