Narcissists put a lot of effort into appearing like they “genuinely” care about others.
But if you spend enough time with them, you’ll notice how manipulative they are.
And if you criticize them?
They’ll react in a completely predictable way.
In this article, I’ll share with you 8 things narcissists do when you finally criticize them.
1) Acting Innocent
Narcissists care a lot about being in an “advantage” position over others.
And for them, admitting a mistake usually puts them at a disadvantage.
That’s why, if you ever confront them about something they did, they’ll likely act innocent and deny their involvement… even if you have hard evidence of it.
“Huh? What do you mean?” they’ll say after you tell them they’re scamming people.
Or “What? I didn’t do anything,” when you tell them they’re manipulating others.
If you push them too hard, they’ll try not only to deny your accusations but also to attack you and throw your words at you.
2) Shrug your shoulders and say “I was just trying to help”
They hover over your shoulder, watching your every move, and giving you instructions.
The annoying thing is that you didn’t ask for any of this in the first place!
And if you criticize them, they’ll do their best to make you feel like the biggest idiot in the world for doing it.
They’ll say things like “Wow, I was just trying to help!” or “Wow, that’s the thank you I get, right?”
And of course, if you make a mistake after rejecting their advice, they’ll say that maybe (just maybe) you should have listened to them.
3) They avoid blame
There’s a reason why I say narcissists want an “advantage,” rather than saying they act like they never make mistakes.
Because sometimes admitting a mistake can be It gives them an advantage.
They can admit they were wrong so they can get sympathy or shift blame onto someone else, for example.
Let’s say you’ve been told they’re manipulating you. So you confront them, and they’ll say something like, “I’m sorry, but I had no choice. They were trying to turn you against me, and I got scared!”
Or if you confront them about the way they keep picking fights with your friends.
They might say, “I’m sorry. I know it’s wrong. But everyone I’ve tried to be friends with has ended up betraying me, so it’s hard for me to trust them.”
There’s always a “but,” and a “but” is always followed by a ploy to gain your sympathy or turn you against someone — including yourself, perhaps!
4) Act angry and say, “How dare you question my intentions!”
Let’s say you’re working on a project together, and they’ve been making the decisions for a while.
That may be fine with you, but it’s clear to you that they’re making decisions that give them an advantage — things like being assigned the easiest tasks in the group or incorporating their interests into the project.
You can’t help but say, “Wait a minute. Why would you make us do something that only benefits you?”
But the moment you tell them that, they…well, they get angry. How dare you assume the worst of them!
They’ll say things like “How dare you question my intentions!” and “Do you think I am?” as if the evidence isn’t right there for everyone to see.
5) “So you don’t love me?”
Nothing is sacred to narcissists.
If they’re your partner or part of your family, they’re not afraid to use your relationship as a weapon to keep you in check.
They won’t take it well if you say “no” or go against their wishes.
They’ll say “I get it! You don’t love me, you never did!” They may follow this up with threats like “I’m leaving!” or “If this is all I deserve, I might die!”
This is called vulnerable narcissism. It usually happens because this person was neglected and abused as a child. Their narcissism is a natural result of their desire to feel like they deserve something.
However, keep in mind that a tragic backstory is no excuse for any harm they cause their loved ones in the present.
6) Setting You Up for Failure to Prove Your Point
If you make any negative comments about the things they do, they will say, “Okay. You can do it then.”
Sometimes they act “reasonable” and simply say something like, “Yes, I think someone else should take over.”
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But even if they “politely” let you take over, the way they act afterward is quite the opposite.
They will be passive-aggressive and try very hard to be annoying.
They will refuse to cooperate, mess up even the simplest tasks, and commit to armed helplessness.
They may even sabotage you by refusing (or neglecting) to share important information with you—like how they decoded their notes and why they organized their notes in a certain way.
Their goal is to get you to give in and let them take over again.
7) They will act calmly and say, “Okay if that’s what you think.”
Tell them they’re not good parents because of X and Y, and they’ll say, “Well if that’s what you think.”
They might smile and add, “I respect your opinion,” and “Everyone has different opinions, and I don’t discount that.”
Or worse, “Well, only God can judge us.”
They don’t agree with you, or they leave it at that.
What they’re doing is making it your problem, and invalidating everything you said.
After all, you might be wrong.
8) Reevaluate Your Relationship
Questioning them will earn you their wrath.
They’ll respond with things like, “Hey, are we friends?” and “I thought friends would support and help each other no matter what.”
They want you to shut up and do what they say, while at the same time holding your relationship hostage.
After all, if you’re friends, why wouldn’t you be on their side? Why contradict them? Aren’t these things done by one’s enemies?!
True friends are the ones who stop their friends from making mistakes, of course. But they don’t care!
They just want someone happy to do their bidding.
Final Thoughts
Something worth keeping in mind is that anyone can have these habits—not just narcissists.
The truth is, while most of us might do these things once in a blue moon or when we’re desperate, they’re second nature to narcissists.
They resort to these reactions in the same way that we might respond to “hello” with “hey.”
It can be hard to understand how someone could be a narcissist if you’re not one yourself.
The best way to deal with narcissists is to acknowledge that you can never fix them, while also acknowledging that you could end up acting just like them if you’re not very careful.
So yes, criticize them. But when someone calls you out, make sure you don’t do the things on this list.
I found this post to be very informative and well-organized. Your detailed analysis and clear explanations make it a pleasure to read. The practical examples you included were particularly helpful. Thank you for sharing your knowledge with us.